Sunday, August 20, 2006

Realm of the Muse 1.21.2

In my next life I'll come back as ...

a nobody, one of those people who have nothing eventful happen in their lives. What an amazing thing that would be. Think about it, to go through your life, day in and day out and find it being totally predictable. To meet and marry, to have children, to raise that family and know you will all grow old together. To know the joy of watching your children become adults, to see them through school, to experience their joy as they meet their first love.

I know how it sounds, most people would wish to be rich, to be famous, to travel. Not me, none of that means anything once you've experienced the loss of your wife, and worse, that of your children. I think about all of the things I've been through in my life, the places I've been, the things I've seen and I know I would gladly sacrifice all of IT to be back in that small two room apartment again with my wife and children.

In those early years after the deaths of my family I thought often about karma as I tried to find ways to accept what had happened. I blamed myself and thought that were I to believe in the possibility of it then I must have done something quite grievous to have warranted repayment with so many deaths. I never accepted the deaths as a fair trade in any stretch of the imagination, how could I have? How could anyone think the deaths of not just one but two children could hold equal value to anything someone had done?

So, that would be my choice. Though in truth I know this is my only life and on my death I still hold out hope to be reunited with those I lost so many years ago.

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