His time was near, even if he wasn't a doctor there was no denying the truth of it. As much as he hated leaving Abby and Joe, as much as he wished he could stay if only to spend a few more years with Joe's children, his grandchildren, but, there would be no reprieve, not this time. The Priest would be coming soon to offer him his last rites, and there were things that still weighed heavy on him even after so many years. As much as he wanted to spend what little time he had left with those he loved, he knew that he had to do this, there was so much he needed to say and his time was running short, so, despite the tears his request had brought, he had sent them away. Pulling the sheets of paper close Luka laid the pen to the first of them...
My Dearest Abby...
You are my wife, my lover, the mother of my son, and I love you more then I love life itself. he paused, the pen suspended above the paper, even after all these years the memory of his actions on that night haunted him, disgusted him. He began again...
Even knowing all this, there is something that I can never forgive myself for, something that after all these years I still can never apologize enough for. We tell ourselves that time heals all wounds, and I suppose in so many ways the life we have had, still have, though for how much longer no one can say, has been one we can both be proud of. If only it weren't marred by my stupidity on that night when we broke up, the first time we were together. Yes, I know, we both said things we regretted, things we were ashamed of and didn't really mean, but, none of that excuses the ugliness that was in my words that night. Knowing now that the end is so close, I need you to know how sorry I am for what was said, even after so many years, and how I would take them back in a minute if I had the power to do so.
I love you, Abby, and don't know how to thank you for not giving up on me. I can't imagine what my life would have been like had we not found our way back to each other, and had you not given me our son.
All my love, your husband,
Folding the sheet of paper, he laid it to one side before starting onthesecond of the two notes, by far theharder of them in that it would be one that would never be read.
Even though close to 40 years have passed since you forced your way into my home and held my wife and infant son at gunpoint, I still think about you and the events that followed. I can't help but relive the scene that confronted me as I unlocked the door to the apartment and found you with my wife and young son. If only you could have known that I would have sacrificed my life in an instant for either of them. It's the reason I was so willing to leave with you that night, anything to get you as far away from them as I could. I couldn't show you my fear, but, in truth I was terrified. I honestly felt I wouldn't see Abby or Joe again and I hadn't even dared kiss them good-bye for fear you would use that against me. No, I was willing to do anything, even to the point of complying when you forced me to put my hand in that vice. I knew that I might very well lose my ability to ever practice medicine again, but in truth I really didn't think I would live to leave your home, and that feeling was only strengthened as you kicked the vice, crushing my hand with the act. When you forced me at gunpoint onto the roof, I was already saying my good-byes, I didn't expect to leave alive...I was wrong about that part, but, over the years it never made the rest of the nightmare any less intense, or the outcome of what I witnessed any less horrific. I can only hope you were at least able to find the peace in death that you were unable to find in life.
There were more letters he wanted to write, to Joe, to the grandchildren he would be unable to watch grow to adulthood...there was so much he wanted to say and so little time left to say it