tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22291675755591552762024-03-14T03:55:00.087-07:00Goran Visnjic/JD's Lukacentric fanfictionAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.comBlogger640125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-7034346341808233122012-04-26T16:51:00.000-07:002012-04-26T16:51:59.143-07:00Has it really been so long?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmm8PeJemaCfjJTex5w0whKpN29HgVQ5hofsHJD3O7Xjaag4NqdG6gWOQ9bkHIXvTgnlQrDGLKYm25OxkQFLGbvjnOBwjhxNeFisz_3WdiZI_sv71mT3XF1gzgaGqNVogdGXxp36ykR6Ny/s1600/1197853612_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmm8PeJemaCfjJTex5w0whKpN29HgVQ5hofsHJD3O7Xjaag4NqdG6gWOQ9bkHIXvTgnlQrDGLKYm25OxkQFLGbvjnOBwjhxNeFisz_3WdiZI_sv71mT3XF1gzgaGqNVogdGXxp36ykR6Ny/s320/1197853612_f.jpg" /></a></div>
Just a little note to let you know that I'm still around even if I haven't posted anything in forever it seems. As I write this I am once again sitting in the hospital recovering from a surgery, and while I haven't done any Luka writing, I appreciate those of you who are still reading and waiting for my health to improve and allow my concentration to once more find it's way back to him.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and take care,
JDAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-91284679402107935292011-05-30T22:38:00.000-07:002011-05-30T22:49:33.355-07:00State of the Mun 2<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdvnqsmbDv_BkzOCYFBa8FtLkba1fw_9iVaqGRl-vWzExU6lB_7Z0NTcgcm_uPp9p6Ulyv5dhZfJPk8ySScbrUlow3QhYL-IXsrFS8qFRzugLHk4_zFLhJNsNm2yT4_Pgok_I3Achu_Fi/s1600/2774BA04C67D648B617AC5BAE69A.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdvnqsmbDv_BkzOCYFBa8FtLkba1fw_9iVaqGRl-vWzExU6lB_7Z0NTcgcm_uPp9p6Ulyv5dhZfJPk8ySScbrUlow3QhYL-IXsrFS8qFRzugLHk4_zFLhJNsNm2yT4_Pgok_I3Achu_Fi/s320/2774BA04C67D648B617AC5BAE69A.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5612752947489142706" /></a><br />While I am still here, sadly my writing is still dormant. I continue to deal with a large number of health issues and unfortunately the distractions of those have left me unable to climb back into the head of Luka and the other muses who inhabit this journal. Please bear with me, I'm sure there will come a time when all speak to me again.<br /><br />Take care, and thank you for your understanding.<br /><br />JDAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-33621424384126579762010-12-01T19:27:00.001-08:002010-12-01T20:03:09.372-08:00State of the Mun<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdK5Dx_rkwSb0QE2vC2CtfEnSfCzaX6KamObld9IG63oOZvJLmwUucAsDiVTP3OYW7o3t9JKjQg-Lu03QZLYZMoJ6dGETfJsL_-D-8Bns_Zvz1oisLAXmFKgleF99_eZqNEhLhASFDwY0I/s1600/n24801574_30630884_771.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdK5Dx_rkwSb0QE2vC2CtfEnSfCzaX6KamObld9IG63oOZvJLmwUucAsDiVTP3OYW7o3t9JKjQg-Lu03QZLYZMoJ6dGETfJsL_-D-8Bns_Zvz1oisLAXmFKgleF99_eZqNEhLhASFDwY0I/s320/n24801574_30630884_771.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5545921809164331858" /></a><br /><br />My apologies for the inactivity on my blog, this year has not been kind to me healthwise I'm afraid. I began the year with gall bladder surgery followed a week later by a fall that resulted in a spiral compound fracture of my right arm, a week in the hospital, and a titanium rod from shoulder to elbow. Over the next three months I worked my way up to three days a week of physical therapy. Now, 10 months later I still battle, weakness, pain, and swelling from the break as I continue to regain the arm strength. As if that wasn't enough, continued stomach issues revealed that I suffer from an ulcer and gastroparesis, a partial paralysis of my stomach muscles. I was placed on meds for both, but, the ulcer is not healing as it should and if that doesn't change, I may have to undergo a partial removal of my stomach to remove it. What this all has meannt is that my writing has been placed on the back burner. With luck, and a positive medical outcome, I'll be back writing again after the first of the year. <br /><br />Thank you for your patience, and for following my blog.<br />JDAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-6382426257693218622010-01-02T21:49:00.000-08:002010-01-02T21:56:08.768-08:00117.2.B: "For some moments in life there are no words." David Seltzer,Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory ?Writers Muses<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_2JccXpXy-uywMoJf6eagnMuYY-QMK4LwFPywejxKJ47IdJoo4j_G1k22psV16Kq-PkGeKrGTUtSHqs7ajRPAfGIt6nEf3kUbfKUFgoniTzT8QEklBnlxMBM7N62se6G7lU3M3H-5djO/s1600-h/luby8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 178px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_2JccXpXy-uywMoJf6eagnMuYY-QMK4LwFPywejxKJ47IdJoo4j_G1k22psV16Kq-PkGeKrGTUtSHqs7ajRPAfGIt6nEf3kUbfKUFgoniTzT8QEklBnlxMBM7N62se6G7lU3M3H-5djO/s320/luby8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422387577933732770" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Sometimes, there are no words</strong><br /><br />"Happy Anniversary." It had been dark as Luka entered the house and as he climbed the stairs to the bedroom he knew he would find his wife still sleeping. Even at his age he hadn't been able to give up the occasional night-shift and so it was that he'd decided to surprise Abby with coffee and a paper, much as he had when they'd dated in the first year of their relationship. He squatted next to the bed to fan the aroma of the coffee toward her as he whispered the greeting to her, then leaned close to place a kiss on her cheek.<br /><br />"It's not even morning yet." Abby grumbled in protest at first, but with the kiss she opened her eyes and reached her hand out to her husband.<br /><br />"Sure it is, I brought coffee and everything, want me to turn the light on?" As Abby came fully awake Luka rose to take a seat on the bed beside her.<br /><br />"No, no lights, not yet anyway. I will take some of that coffee you have though." Sitting up, she accepted the cup as he offered it.<br /><br />"I thought I broke you of this years ago." While her voice held a mock harshness to it, the underlying tone was one of gentle teasing and it prompted the couple to laugh before they exchanged kisses.<br /><br />"I thought maybe this being a special occasion, you'd forgive me. No?" Luka's eyebrow raised slightly as he sought her forgiveness.<br /><br />"Well, I suppose, being it is our anniversary, I could let it go." It was her turn to initiate the kiss, and as she touched his cheek with her fingertips, she coaxed him closer to do so.<br /><br />"Twenty years, Luka. Did you ever think we would make it twenty years?" The question was an honest one for her, and she watched his face closely as she waited for his response.<br /><br />"I never doubted it, especially after we decided we were ready to devote ourselves to it fully. I always intended to, and I still do intend to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Abby, with all my heart, and I can't imagine not being with you." Setting his own coffee aside, Luka adjusted his position on the bed so that Abby could move into his arms as he spoke.<br /><br />"I don't ever want to be without you either. I want us to become grandparents together, and maybe even great-grandparents, and who knows, maybe one day we can even celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary together." Abby lay her head against Luka's chest as she voiced her hopes for their future, then found herself going quiet as she listened to the beat of his heart under her ear.<br /><br />"Abby, I spent all night thinking about what I wanted to say to you about how I feel, about all you mean to me, and now, now that the time is here, it's like my words are gone. All I can do is hold you and hope you feel what I feel, that you sense what I can't find the words to say, because I love just seems so small for what we have." As he spoke tears rose in the Croat's eyes, and the emotion of the moment threatened to overwhelm him.<br /><br />"I understand, Luka, I do, and I feel the same way. We belong together, I think we always have, despite those early ups and downs. You're part of me, just like I'm part of you, and I love you more than I love life itself. Thank you for being my husband, for being the father of my son, and most importantly, thank you, Luka, for not giving up on me when things got rough." Abby rose up on her arm to initiate a longer, deeper kiss with her husband before she again lay her head on his chest.<br /><br />"You should sleep for a while, I know you've had a long night." Her words grew quieter as she gave him permission to let the conversation drop, and when instead of replying, she felt his fingers begin the slow stroking of her hair, she simply smiled.<br /><br />"Lay down, Luka, let me take care of you." She continued the gentle coaxing until he had stretched out alongside her and as their positions reversed she drew his head to her chest, stroking his hair as he had only moments before done to her.<br /><br />"Sleep now, I'll be here when you wake." Brushing her hand over his eyes she kissed each eyelid in turn before returning to the rhythmic stroking of his hair.<br /><br />"I love you, Luka, and I always will."<br /><br />"I love you too, Abby." Luka's words came with the drowsy slur of one being sucked into sleep, but Abby knew they were not casually given. They came with his heart, with his soul, and all that he was, and it was for that reason that they meant so much, that he meant so much. After so many years, she finally could believe in forever, and she owed that gift to him.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-5011790280555919862010-01-02T01:16:00.000-08:002010-01-02T01:18:36.830-08:00Prompt 312: Rerun/ 209: What are you afraid of? / Theatrical Muse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipsRDaEEdJIvn7wNUv_qeM6mSXiw4aXZdwmiGCc3g-iHqH9QcdJlJQ7xNt01oXHJZP4hLMW8hAW2efRxZCw1iFSKl8ryHoqIS11-DiGstb6YvAzkNlPqR5TH4j8bRNTNL8RzAigJPE9-Z3/s1600-h/hq001.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipsRDaEEdJIvn7wNUv_qeM6mSXiw4aXZdwmiGCc3g-iHqH9QcdJlJQ7xNt01oXHJZP4hLMW8hAW2efRxZCw1iFSKl8ryHoqIS11-DiGstb6YvAzkNlPqR5TH4j8bRNTNL8RzAigJPE9-Z3/s320/hq001.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422069241213317618" /></a><br /><br />As he stood waiting outside of County General for Abby's last shift to end, and their new life to begin, Luka found a shiver of fear run down his spine. What if all of the work they had put into the last couple of months were in vain. What if the move to Boston were nothing more than his way to once again run away like he had done all those years ago? No. As he glanced back to his son as the toddler sat in his car-seat, Luka tried to banish the thought from his mind. The decision was not his alone. It was not one that had been made in haste. This was the only way that they could truly put all that had happened behind them. They were sure of it, he was sure of it. Chicago held too many mistakes, too many wrongs that there would never be any rights for, Boston was their future. Joe's sudden bouncing in his seat forced the last of worries from his mind and when he turned to see what had caught his interest he couldn't help but smile himself. Abby, he should have known, he should have felt her, the way he'd once felt Danijela's presence when she was close. Would that time ever come for them? Would the time come when he felt that she was his other half?<br /><br />Slightly more than two months earlier...<br /><br />He wasn't sure what had prompted him to ring the doorbell rather than to use his key, but, as he listened to the sound of the buzzer announce his return home, he couldn't help but wonder how the choice would be seen.<br /><br />"Joe, come see who's at the door." Luka heard Abby's voice before the door opened and a second later the squeal of their son as he launched himself into his father's legs before reaching upward. <br /><br />"Tata!" The toddler's delight in having his father back was clear to both of his parents and as soon as he was picked up, and had received the expected kisses in greeting he lay his head on the man's shoulder, content to stay where he was.<br /><br />"I've missed you." He looked past the boy to his wife as he spoke, "and you too."<br /><br />"We've missed you too, Luka." Abby's voice held a hesitancy to it that was unusual for her, but, not wanting to spoil the mood, he tried to ignore it.<br /><br />"My bag's in the hall, I should get it." He shifted his son's weight slightly to his hip before ducking out of view to reach for his suitcase.<br /><br />"Can I get you anything to drink?" Even as she asked, Abby realized how awkward things felt between them, it was almost as if they were starting over again, and maybe they were.<br /><br />"Coffee, if you have some on would be wonderful." Luka gave her a small smile before leaning close to whisper in Joe's ear.<br /><br />"How about you be a big boy and get down now." Where his first request received only a tightening of the hold around his neck, after gentle coaxing and the addition of an additional option, he was able to lower Joe to the ground. <br /><br />"Good boy, now, go find your airplane and we can play with it while Mama and I talk." As Joe ran from the room, Luka closed the door and carried his bag to the bottom of the bedroom stairs before setting it back down.<br /><br />"This isn't going to be easy is it?" His question was a simple one, the answer less so.<br /><br />"I don't think so." Abby's voice remained quiet. "Luka, I'm sorry, I never wanted it to be like this."<br /><br />"Shhh, we're not going to go there, remember?" Approaching her, Luka slid his arms around her before pulling her to him.<br /><br />"But," Raising his finger to her lips, he silenced her again.<br /><br />"No buts, what's done is done, we can't change that, we can fix things between us though, and that's all that matters isn't it?" His eyes help a hope that she hadn't seen present in them for quite some time.<br /><br />"I'd like that, to fix things between us I mean." Abby reached behind her back to take his hands so she could squeeze them.<br /><br />"You know this won't be easy." His voice wavered slightly.<br /><br />"I know, but, I'm not going to give up on us. I won't give up on us." As she spoke Abby's voice seemed to grow in strength as she found her inner commitment to what they had between them growing.<br /><br />"Do we start at the beginning? Do we do things the way we should have done them all along?" Abby had just begun to answer when the sound of toys being pulled from the toybox ceased and Joe's voice broke from the other room.<br /><br />"Tata, got, airpain!" A few more toys landed on the floor before he rounded the corner with the plastic plane in one hand and the people who fit inside in the other. "Play, now."<br /><br />"Good for you, Joe, you go sit at the table by the couch and put the people in, and Tata will be right there." Turning his attention back to his wife, Luka smiled, "I'm sorry."<br /><br />"That's okay, we can talk later, I know he's missed you." She released his hands so she could slide her arms around him. <br /><br />"Tata, play airpain." Joe raised the plane in the air as he grew impatient with the amount of time it was taking for Luka and Abby to finish.<br /><br />"Go," Abby rose up on her toes to kiss Luka. "Go to Joe now, you've already lost too much time with him, we've got plenty of time to talk." <br /><br />It took several days before Luka and Abby started feeling like things were returning to normal between them, well, normal might not exactly be the way to describe it, but, at least it wasn't as if they were strangers. From the earliest stages of their relationship both of them had kept secrets from the other, whether they were of their pasts, their feelings, their hopes, or their fears, there had always been those things which one or the other felt they'd been unable to share, but not this time. This time, they were determined they would have no secrets between them, this time they would build their relationship on honesty and trust. They would talk about everything, not just about what they'd been through together, but their pasts, their childhoods, those they loved, those who had been important to them, who had guided them, or misled them, their family and their friends. They would talk about their dreams, and their fears, their career plans, Joe's future, and most importantly the life they hoped was yet to come. <br /><br />As they talked and the weeks became a month, they inevitably realized that changes would need to be made in their current lives as well if they truly wanted their marriage, and their lives together to succeed. As much as they loved Chicago, as many friends as they might have, the City held too many negative memories, and if they were serious about letting all of those past mistakes go, then so too would they have to say good-bye to the city they had both grown to love. Whatever fears they might have about beginning again somewhere else were nothing in comparison to the fear that they might fail at this reconciliation, and so, the resumes were compiled, and job applications were soon being mailed out. <br /><br />When the job offers began to come back, it wasn't difficult for them to decide that Boston seemed the perfect fit for them. It's similarity to Chicago allowing them to keep the best of what they had loved, while at the same time giving them the fresh start they knew they needed. When they went looking for their first house it was with the intention of being there for years, not months, and they found themselves looking not just at the houses themselves, but the neighborhood, and the schools, knowing that in less than two years Joe would be attending them. <br /><br />Were they out of danger with their relationship? Neither of them were willing to go so far as to say that was the case, but, they were healing, and they were finding their way back to trusting each other again. The love of course was there and growing in strength with each passing day. While it may have been lost during the worst of times, or more accurately hidden by all of the other problems that they'd been facing they should have known it had always been with them, a glue that connected them, even if they couldn't feel it. <br /><br />The present...<br /><br />Luka smiled as he watched Abby say her final good-byes. Boston was to be their new beginning and he was ready for it, that was why he hadn't gone inside the hospital to pick her up. Chicago was behind him now, all that had happened already being filed away into the neat little boxes he'd used to protect himself in the past. This time though, there was a difference, this time he wasn't running away from anyone, this time he wasn't aimlessly wandering, this time he was going to something, with someone he loved, and with plans for a future yet to come.<br /><br />Note: This was the result of an anonymous request for me to write a piece on what might have taken place between "The Chicago Way", anf "The Book of Abby", I hope it's all they expected.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-71220941894669809912010-01-01T13:48:00.001-08:002010-01-01T13:51:28.376-08:00Prompt 316: What were you doing ten years ago?/ Theatrical Muse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygp6LRRYctvuL_hO5IMKgI4tWx_7JlIR9b7pqu3NzCstxlX8sI-olm_K2Ww2JYeoSHnbtLf6UfYzy_FHVz37SDD1hEpLGPy_JeR_PTzgXMuNU7_v74iPMYmxYY0iAy-bWCzIpSFLxPWcL/s1600-h/luka2aaqb8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygp6LRRYctvuL_hO5IMKgI4tWx_7JlIR9b7pqu3NzCstxlX8sI-olm_K2Ww2JYeoSHnbtLf6UfYzy_FHVz37SDD1hEpLGPy_JeR_PTzgXMuNU7_v74iPMYmxYY0iAy-bWCzIpSFLxPWcL/s320/luka2aaqb8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421892217487067730" /></a><br /><br />It was late, Joe had been in bed for hours and while Abby hadn't been there long, he suspected she was probably asleep as well, so, why wasn't he? The had only been back from Croatia for a few days and already he was finding himself missing it, and the feeling was bringing up ones he hadn't thought about in years. When had he last felt like this?<br /><br />Chicago, that was it. Almost ten years earlier, his life had been one of instability then, one of constant motion, and while he might have told himself he was happy with the choices he was making at the time, looking back on things now, he could see that he hadn't been. <br /><br />He was living on his boat when he first started working at County, the work he was doing nothing more than a call to fill in on a shift here, or a shift there at whatever hospital needed him. He'd tried to pretend it didn't bother him that when he was at County only Carol made any attempt to see him as more than the temporary he was, but, in truth he would have liked to have been seen as more. <br /><br />Life wasn't easy for him then, he knew no one, he still struggled with the language, and even the very medicine that he was dedicating his life to, was still new to him. Chicago turned out to be the place where his life changed, the place where he finally stopped running from the ghosts of his past, the place where he discovered that his life ultimately held a future. <br /><br />"Luka, are you coming to bed?" When Abby's quiet voice called to him from the stairs Luka downed the beer he held before turning to her.<br /><br />"Yeah, go ahead and go on up, I'll be right there." While he wouldn't know it in those early years, Chicago would be the place where he would again discover he was capable of once more learning to love, and over time that he would again become a husband and father. Despite all of it's ups and downs, his decision to put down roots in Chicago had saved him, but, it was here, now, in Boston, that they would fully take root and flourish, of that he was sure. Setting the bottle on the table he rose, Abby was waiting.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-766794632292357772009-12-26T19:24:00.000-08:002009-12-28T19:07:37.505-08:00Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say." - Mitch Albom, Have A Little Faith/Creative Muses<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEah6K0LqsriQhopDLnJWVEjsVpaZmIaZjH_A2Xcj0slqMhPFVhnhSVALg4Sw0D0J-411JYW74xtCcsDwcIgtZnxkMVDXUPpZRnIQosSPDI7uJJy4ToK17v1mD4EG9sxCm-2XobsSBYF35/s1600-h/PDVD_152.BMP"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEah6K0LqsriQhopDLnJWVEjsVpaZmIaZjH_A2Xcj0slqMhPFVhnhSVALg4Sw0D0J-411JYW74xtCcsDwcIgtZnxkMVDXUPpZRnIQosSPDI7uJJy4ToK17v1mD4EG9sxCm-2XobsSBYF35/s320/PDVD_152.BMP" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419753013908234610" /></a><br /><br />"Luka, do you want to talk about it?" Niko glanced over to his brother, only to then lay his hand on his arm, as his face reflected his concern for his younger brother.<br /><br />"Not yet, I still don't even know what I feel about things." As he spoke, he shifted Joe's weight, on his shoulder. How was he going to explain any of this to his son? First he disappears from the boy's life for close to six months and now, not only is his mother ripped from him, he's being taken to a Country where he barely understands, let alone speaks the language. The thought prompted him to place a kiss on the toddler's fair hair before his hand began to rub his back.<br /><br />"Do you want me to leave you alone?" In the quiet of the airplane cabin, the Croat shifted to their native language without thought.<br /><br />"Maybe, I don't know. I wanted Tata to see him so much, to see them both, to know I'd finally found happiness again, and now I don't even know if anything of what I thought I had exists anymore." His voice broke as he tried to explain that which he had yet to even attempt to try and make sense of.<br /><br />"Give it time, you still have your son, and Abby, you can make it all good again. I know you, you have that way about you, you've always had it, even when things were at their worst." Niko's grip on his brother's arm tightened as he spoke.<br /><br />"I don't know if I can do it again, Niko. It took so long for me to get here, now, to have it all fall apart." Nothing could have been done to the tears that started to slide down his cheeks as he confessed his greatest fear.<br /><br />"You don't know that, that's what's going to happen, she's going for help, things can still be fixed." Niko struggled to find a way for his brother to find some shred of hope to grab hold of. Something that would keep him from sinking back into the depression that had held him hostage for so many years after the deaths of Danijela and the children.<br /><br />"She could have killed Joe, I could had lost him like I lost Jasna and Marko." Luka's voice choked in his throat and for a moment he buried his face in his son's hair.<br /><br />"But, she didn't, and you didn't, he's here, with you now, and you're not going to lose him, I promise you that." It was Niko's turn to cry as he thought about the effect just such a loss would have cost his brother, and he hurriedly wiped the tears away before Luka lifted his head again.<br /><br />"How do I blame her when I'm no better then she is?" Luka's eyes held as yet unspoken pain as he asked the question of his elder brother.<br /><br />"I don't understand?" Niko's expression shifted to confusion as he tried to make the jump with Luka.<br /><br />"Before I went to the Congo, I did things far worse then anything she could have done. I almost killed a med student with my carelessness for God's sake, how can I say her drinking is worse than any of that?" As their conversation continued in whispered Croatian, Luka threaded his fingers idly through the fine locks of the small boy on his lap's hair.<br /><br />"Luka, look at me. It's too soon for any of this to make sense, we need to take care of things with Tata, then, together, you and me, we'll talk it through. You don't have to do this alone. You're not alone anymore, you have to remember that, you're with family now." Without thinking Niko leaned over and kissed his brother's cheek. "After all these years, don't think you're getting rid of me again."<br /><br />For the remainder of the flight Niko left Luka to his thoughts and it wasn't until they had landed in Zagreb and Joe had been bundled off to bed under Niko's wife Ivka's watchful eye that the two men again sat down to talk.<br /><br />"Beer?" Niko nudged Luka out of his thoughts with the tap of the bottle to his shoulder.<br /><br />"Hmm? Oh, thanks. Is Joe in bed?" Luka stared at the bottle as if he wasn't really sure what to do with it.<br /><br />"Yeah, already asleep, if you're not careful, Ivka will have him spoiled as badly as Rajka and Maki are." Niko couldn't help but chuckle at the image his own words brought to his head. <br /><br />"Luka, it's a joke, now, drink up, you'll feel better." Niko slapped him on the back as he took a seat on the patio beside him.<br /><br />"Sure, get me drunk so I'll feel better about my wife falling off the wagon, good plan, Niko." The straight-faced delivery of the words cause the elder Kovac brother to choke on the swallow of beer he'd just taken and it took several moments of coughing before he had his breath back and was able to respond.<br /><br />"I didn't mean... Luka, I didn't think." Niko sputtered his apology in vain before Luka waved his hand to free him of it.<br /><br />"I don't want to talk about it, or think about it, not now anyway." Without thinking Luka took a drink of his beer. <br /><br />"The house will be full tomorrow, are you ready for that?" The transition from Luka's problems to the events surrounding their father's funeral came naturally.<br /><br />"No, not really. I know what'll come, whether they mean it to or not, and it won't be a day just about Tata and his memories. People will look at Joe, they compare him to Jasna or Marko, they say, can't you imagine how they would look now? Only I don't want to think about those things, I don't want to imagine all they things he will do that they never had a chance to." As anger rose in his voice he stood and heaved the bottle across the stone courtyard.<br /><br />"Luka, stop, don't do this to yourself, not again." It was Niko's turn to get angry. "For once think of someone beside yourself, Joe needs you. You can't let this eat you alive, and I swear, if I have to stay on your back every minute of every day to see that it doesn't just for his benefit, that's exactly what, I'll do. Do you hear me, little brother?" Climbing to his feet, Niko moved to stand in front of the taller man when he failed to respond.<br /><br />"I said, do you hear me?" <br /><br />"Yes, I hear you." Luka released a sigh as resignation settled in, at least for tonight he was willing to give in, whether he could continue to do so would remain to be seen, whatever happened though, the next sixty days would be long ones.<br /><br />Standing at the airport in Dubrovnik, waiting for Abby to arrive, Luka found his heart racing. Two months had passed and while they had spoken on the phone, they had limited the conversations to casual talk about Joe, the weather, and day to day activities. Some would say they were avoiding the inevitable, but, how could they say what needed to be said without seeing each other's faces, How could he not look into her eyes as she promised that this time things would be different. There'd been no promises, not yet anyway, those would come, or at least he hoped they would, but, he had told her that he said he could no longer live a life where honesty was not a part of all they did, could she accept that? <br /><br />Today he would find out. Today he would find out if the life he dreamed of was real, or if once again it would crumble away in his hand like so much dust. <br /><br />His face lit up as he saw the small brunette clear customs and as he stepped into view from behind the others awaiting arriving passengers her hesitant smile matched his. Today would be the end of the secrets between them. It had to be.<br />============================<br />Note: For those regular followers of the series ER, you will know that there was one secret that Abby had yet to reveal to Luka as this piece ends, one in fact that would very nearly cost them their marriage before we received our happy ending.<br /><br />My thanks to the mun behind the_countmc on Live Journal for the idea behind this post, I hope they enjoy the end result.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-52130053030713268682009-12-16T22:39:00.000-08:002009-12-16T22:42:04.364-08:00December Prompt from October 003: Peaceful/Artistic License<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx43Q7lZD8DnAvAMC4h0h5KQBXuNRxYOSg3kBI5iq6gsz50FnF_0lCyb6G_QKj-MPgeWIsbobmLxUtuhWFnOCdG-NeiCircB9rBR7nHXMmuOIQI471X5JhnxXOxtbM3DL7rw56JHPIbVFw/s1600-h/feat_31.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 231px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx43Q7lZD8DnAvAMC4h0h5KQBXuNRxYOSg3kBI5iq6gsz50FnF_0lCyb6G_QKj-MPgeWIsbobmLxUtuhWFnOCdG-NeiCircB9rBR7nHXMmuOIQI471X5JhnxXOxtbM3DL7rw56JHPIbVFw/s320/feat_31.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416091556592700642" /></a><br /><br />The decision to celebrate Christmas in Croatia with his brother Niko and his family was one that he and Abby had been considering for over six months. For Luka it would be a chance to reconnect with old friends and family without the weight that had hung over him when he'd been back the previous two times. For Abby, it would mean a chance to see the country, without having to hide behind the secrets and lies that had marred her first trip, and almost cost her both her husband and her marriage. Those days were behind them though, sobriety, honesty, and a life in a new city had assured them of that, and this, they had decided could bring final closure to the past that they both wanted to find.<br /><br />Since the decision to go had been reached, calls between the two brothers had become an almost daily occurrence as one or the other found something that needed an immediate answer before they could go a step further. <br /><br />"Luka, Niko's on the phone, again." Abby held the receiver in her outstretched hand as she waited for Luka to stick his head out of the bathroom.<br /><br />"Did you ask him what he needs? I'm in the middle of shaving." <br /><br />"No, I didn't ask, but, it's costing him money, so you had better hurry." Laying the phone down, the woman turned her attention to the toddler who was currently finishing a bowl of cereal at the table.<br /><br />"You almost done, Joe, we need to get you cleaned up, you're going to daycare so Tata and I can get ready for the airplane tonight." As she spoke, she reached for the washcloth that lay on the sink before going to him.<br /><br />"Going on the airplane?" Joe spoke around the bite of cereal in his month causing half the milk to run down his chin.<br /><br />"Niko, how are you?" Luka cast a smile to his wife and son as he joined them in the kitchen before picking up the phone and slipping into Croatian to talk to his older brother. "Yes, the flight is at 8pm, we change planes in Frankfurt, and should be in early afternoon. No, I don't have the time, I sent you the itinerary, didn't you get it?" Rolling his eyes he glanced to where Abby was still dealing with their son.<br /><br />"Abby, didn't I send Niko our flight information?" He slid back into English <br /><br />"I thought you did, you can send it again can't you? Okay, Joe, that's enough, you're just playing now." Taking the spoon from the soon to be 4 year old she set it aside as so she could begin wiping his hands and face.<br /><br />"Yes," Turning back to his call, Luka quickly reassured his brother that the itinerary would be resent, before ending the call. "He's a little bit excited, so is Ivka by the way, I hope you'll be okay with her wanting to spend time alone with you." As he hung the phone back up, Luka moved behind her so that he could wrap his arms around her.<br /><br />"I think I'll survive, what about you? Niko isn't going to corrupt you by dragging you to the pub all day? She covered his hands with hers are she released Joe.<br /><br />"How can you say that, he's my big brother?" Luka laughed as he answered her before nuzzling her neck.<br /><br />"Um hmm, that's what I'm afraid of. Okay, turn me loose, we don't have time for that, and you still have to take Joe to daycare so we can finish packing and get everything ready before we have to go to the airport." Turning to face him, Abby gave him a quick kiss. "Now, get your son, we've got a busy day ahead of us."<br /><br />The flight from Frankfurt to Zagreb seemed endless to Abby, and while both Luka and Joe had quickly been able to fall asleep, she'd instead found her mind too consumed by worry. It had been almost a year since Josip Kovac had passed, a year since she had told Luka of her indiscretion, and it would be the first time she would be facing his family since almost destroying him and their marriage. It was eating her up, how would they see her? She had no way of knowing what Luka had told them in the months since they'd returned to the States and he'd learned the truth of what she'd done while he had been caring for his dying father. Since they had moved to Boston, Abby no longer feared for their marriage, if anything the relationship she had with Luka was the strongest it had ever been, if they knew about her betrayal, would his family be as willing to forgive her? What would it mean to them knowing that it had taken place while Luka was not just nursing his dying father, but, missing six months of his young son's life?<br /><br />As Luka shifted positions in his sleep, Abby turned to face him, then brushed his bangs out of his eyes gently. He'd had every right to take Joe and leave her, she'd been convinced his plan was to do just that when he'd initially moved out of the apartment in Chicago, but, he hadn't. When he had come to her and told her that wanted to give things another chance she'd at first been shocked, then grateful. He'd seen something in their relationship that she had still been too blind to see at the time, and he was willing to give her another chance. <br /><br />Boston had saved them, she was convinced of that. The decision to leave Chicago had been the fresh start they'd needed, it had given them a chance to start over in all aspects of their lives. Boston had meant the end of any secrets or lies between them plus their marriage and relationship as a couple was stronger because of it. However, even knowing all of that, she was still left to worry about how his family would see her.<br /><br />"Are you all right?" Luka's groggy question came as he opened his eyes to find Abby watching him.<br /><br />"I don't know." Her words were honest, and she followed them with a small smile.<br /><br />"Do you want to talk about it? Moving one hand to support Joe's weight as he changed position, Luka resettled himself in his seat.<br /><br />"I'm just nervous about meeting everyone I think. I don't know how they're going to feel about me after what I did to you." Her gaze dropped to her hands as she revealed the truth of her fears.<br /><br />"Abby, they are going to see you as my wife, as the mother of my son, and as the woman I love. Whatever happened in the past is over, you have to let it go, I know I have." Taking one of her hands he brought it to his lips and kissed it, a moment later the fasten seat belt warning sounded.<br /><br />"I hope you're right." Abby smiled again, glad to let the subject drop as they began the task of waking Joe and getting ready to disembark, besides, why worry now, they'd find out soon enough. <br /><br />As it turned out, Luka seemed to be right, if Niko and the others were holding any grudges, they certainly weren't showing it as they welcomed the family back to Croatia. After exchanging hugs and kisses all around at the airport, the party moved to two small awaiting cars and the journey back to the elder Kovac's house.<br /><br />The days leading up to Christmas were busy ones for everyone, filled not just with last minute shopping, but often with a house full of Ivka's extended family as well as friends of both she and Niko. If Abby had expected the holiday to be a solemn one with days spent mourning the absence of the Kovac Patriarch, she couldn't have been more wrong, and laughter seemed a common ingredient in all of the day's activities.<br /><br />"How are you doing?" Her thoughts were broken as Luka came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, the smell of beer present on his breath.<br /><br />"You've been drinking." She turning in his arms to face him, her voice only mildly chastising.<br /><br />"Blame Niko, he's a bad influence." Luka smiled as he tried to deflect the blame.<br /><br />"Right. Do I need to call a doctor for the twisted arm you got while he was forcing you to join him?" Her smile almost immediately matched his as she teased him.<br /><br />"It's okay?" Luka found himself unable to hide his reaction to her response.<br /><br />"Yes, it's okay. Luka, I don't expect you to give up drinking just because I'm an alcoholic." Stretching up on her toes, Abby gave him a kiss.<br /><br />"All I ask is that you just try not to get falling down drunk if you can help it, I'm not ready to explain to Joe why his Tata is acting funny."<br /><br />"I'll do my best." He returned her kiss before saying more. "Abby, are you going to be all right going to Christmas Eve Mass with us? I mean, I'd like you to be there, but, if you'd rather not, I'll understand." Luka's eyes remained hopeful even as his words seemed ready to accept defeat. <br /><br />"I think I'd like to go with you and Joe, to honor your father's memory, and just be at your side. Is that reason enough?" It was Abby's turn to study her husband and when his smile broke, she couldn't help but return it.<br /><br />I would like that very much, and I think it's a perfect reason." Luka kissed his wife again.<br /><br />"Luka!" Niko's voice broke the moment as the elder Kovac called from the other room.<br /><br />"Coming! I'd better go, I'll look for you later, maybe we can go for a walk , just the two of us?" He bussed a quick kiss on her lips before releasing her.<br /><br />"I'd like that. Now, go see what your brother wants, I'll be fine."<br /><br />If Abby had thought that Niko and Ivka's house had been full in the day's leading up to Christmas Eve, it began to overflow in the hours leading up to evening Mass. With each ring of the doorbell arrived yet another of either Ivka's or Niko and Luka's. In all of the time she'd known her husband, she'd just assumed he had little or no family outside of his father and brother, yet, here were all of these people embracing not just him, but, her and Joe as if they had always been a part of their lives. Why had he chosen to cut himself off from so much love for all of those years? <br /><br />Joe's laughter brought Abby out of her own thoughts and she automatically began searching for him among the room of people. She'd just spotted him, giggling happily as he was held in the air by a silver haired man who looked to be in his seventies when she saw Luka approaching her.<br /><br />"That's Stjepan, one of Tata's brothers, I'll introduce you later." He slid his arm around Abby's waist as he identified the elderly man for her.<br /><br />"Luka, why didn't you ever tell me you had such a large family?" She moved in closer as her arm encircled him.<br /><br />"I don't know. I think when I left, it was just easier to cut off contact with everyone. You know, pretend they weren't there?" His voice grew quieter as he spoke.<br /><br />"I'm not sure I understand why you would want to do that." As the conversation grew more serious she leaned into him, offering unspoken support in case he found it difficult to go on. <br /><br />"Losing Danijela and our children was like losing all of the good parts of myself. After I left the camp, I tried going back home, living with Tata, having family around."Luka drew a slow breath and forced himself to continue. "Everyone thought that the best way to help me was to keep reminding me of what I'd lost. I don't mean that they said it like that, but, they always want to retell stories of things that had happened with Danijela or the children. I finally couldn't take it anymore, I knew I had to let them go, I had to forget, and I couldn't do that when everyone had so many memories they wanted to share. That's one of the reasons Niko and I had our falling out, he didn't understand how hard it was for me. He thought my leaving would be like I'd died with them, and inflicting that on Tata was just selfishness on my part. The worst part of it all was that the Luka they all were remembering had died that day, I wasn't that man anymore and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to be him again." His voice broke as he finished and rather then saying anything more his eyes settled on Joe.<br /><br />"Are you regretting our coming back here, doing this?" Abby's voice held a note of concern for him.<br /><br />"I don't think so, I think it was time I came to terms with it for good, besides, this is Joe's family, they're yours too, it's not fair for me to deprive you of their love anymore than it is for me to deprive you of the chance to know them." The seriousness of their conversation was suddenly broken by Stjepan's laugh in response to something that Joe had said to him in Croatian. <br /><br />"He's certainly holding his own with them, isn't he?" A slight note of pride surfaced as Luka drew Abby's attention to Joe and his great uncle.<br /><br />"That's all because of you, and your decision to start teaching him Croatian from the day he was born. I wish I'd paid more attention." Abby's smile broadened as Stjepan knelt to listen to whatever the three year old trying to explain.<br /><br />"Okay, everyone, time to find coats, Ivka says we have to leave in five minutes or we'll be late for Mass." It was Niko who made the announcement, and while she knew no one else likely needed it, Abby was grateful to see that he followed his Croatian one with another in English. <br /><br />While the mood on the walk to the church was light and mixed with laughter, Abby couldn't help but notice that the closer they got to the church, the quieter Luka became. By the time they reached the steps themselves, she found herself wondering if he would even follow through by going inside.<br /><br />"Luka, are you all right?" As she spoke, Abby touched his arm, stopping him before he climbed the stairs.<br /><br />"Yeah." While he at first offered the lie without thinking, he immediately amended it. "I don't know. I think I need to do something before I sit down, will you take Joe and find our seats?" His eyes held a sadness in them she hadn't seen in sometime as he made the request.<br /><br />"Of course. You don't want us to come though?" Even as she asked the question she knew he would refuse.<br /><br />"No, I have to do this alone. Thank you though." Pausing, he leaned down to kiss her before picking up Joe so they could enter. Once inside Luka passed the toddler to his mother.<br /><br />"Be good for Mama." <br /><br />"No, wanna go wi' Tata." Joe automatically resisted the transfer and reached out for Luka.<br /><br />"No, you go with Mama, I'll be right back." Freeing his sweater from Joe's grip, Luka gave first his son, then Abby a kiss. "I won't be long."<br /><br />"Want, Tata." Joe's protest carried into the church as the couple separated and while they joined Ivka and many of her family in the pews, she couldn't help but notice that many of the Kovac's, Luka included, made their way into a small alcove to light candles in memory of those they had lost. After lighting his candles, Luka knelt in prayer and she noticed that Niko and his uncle took places on either side of him, offering silent support as he reached out to those long gone. Then, when Luka's shoulder's slumped and Stjepan reached out to pull his nephew to him, Abby was left wishing that it were she there in his place. <br /><br />After what to Abby seemed an eternity the three men rose and after embraces and kisses were exchanged they made their way to the pews where their families were waiting. As Luka slid into his seat beside her, Abby searched his face for clues to what might be going on in his head. If she had expected to find grief, she was disappointed for if anything, there seemed to be a peace in him that she she hadn't seen before.<br /><br />"You're okay?" Abby leaned close to her husband as she spoke.<br /><br />"Yeah, I am." Unlike earlier his response was true, and that in itself amazed him. How long had it been since he could say that and really mean it? For the first time in almost seventeen years the past was truly in the past where it belonged.<br /><br />As the Mass began, Abby leaned against Luka's shoulder as he held Joe, the choir's music bringing a smile to her face. They had been through so many years of pain and struggle and now everything finally seemed to have finally fallen into place for them. When had she last felt this peaceful? When had either of them? Sitting here now, she couldn't imagine a more perfect way to celebrate that then in this place surrounded by those who loved Luka unconditionally, and who had now welcomed she and Joe into their family as well. What better gift could they have received for Christmas then this?AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-9642844276570365102009-12-06T20:59:00.000-08:002009-12-07T05:15:33.633-08:00December Prompt:Fireflies at Dusk fic from August prompts/Artistic License<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFArCgKwHybIiY48tWlFsbaUZ9n6fhGl0AidKtCN2CwHiUgfGC_0Jll9UP2Um5bWtzFL8LQX75pTHeF7OPpErfNwuzUwiqBEGbHBtbsuP6bllnClYI1VVF_1kNeJZtevs75vgISwLTRqJl/s1600-h/fireflies+at+dusk.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 171px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFArCgKwHybIiY48tWlFsbaUZ9n6fhGl0AidKtCN2CwHiUgfGC_0Jll9UP2Um5bWtzFL8LQX75pTHeF7OPpErfNwuzUwiqBEGbHBtbsuP6bllnClYI1VVF_1kNeJZtevs75vgISwLTRqJl/s320/fireflies+at+dusk.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412354742880641618" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Fireflies</strong><br /><br />It was the sound of cupboard doors opening and closing that first alerted Luka to Abby's presence in the kitchen. When the noise progressed to actual door slamming, it finally became enough of a distraction that he was forced to lay the medical journal he was reading on his lap.<br /><br />"Abby, what are you doing?" <br /><br />"I'm looking for the jars with lids that are supposed to be in here." As she answered, the banging of the cabinet doors continued, though the sound was now mixed with occasional curses as she failed to find the jars.<br /><br />"You do know that there are plastic bowls to the right of the sink that have lids, right?" Luka offered helpfully as he lifted his eyes from the article he was attempting to finish.<br /><br />"Luka, you cannot use plastic bowls for fireflies." The words carried the tone of one reaffirming something so clear that everyone should know it.<br /><br />"Fireflies?" The Croat's confusion was not appeased by his wife's answer, what had become clear though was that he would find no peace until she found the jars. Tucking the article page inside itself, he closed the journal before laying it aside and rising to join her in the kitchen.<br /><br />"Yes, fireflies, I thought we could take Joe out into the yard, catch some, maybe do the ring thing. It'll be fun." Dropping to a squat, the small brunette began rummaging through the cabinet under the sink.<br /><br />"Ring thing? What do flies have to do with rings?" Snagging a bottle of beer from the refrigerator, Luka propped his elbows on the counter across from her in order to watch his wife's almost obsessive search continue.<br /><br />"Don't tell me, you've never caught fireflies, or made rings from them?" Abby turned to look upward as his response caught her off-guard. "Joe will love it, you catch one then, when it's lit, you pull it apart and stick the light on your finger."<br /><br />"Okay, that's disgusting." The Croat's words were accompanied by a slight grimace.<br /><br />"It's not disgusting, every kid does it, it's all part of growing up." Abby resumed her search as she spoke.<br /><br />"Killing bugs and wearing their guts is part of growing up...right." A swallow of beer chased the words down.<br /><br />"You'll love it, you'll see. Why don't you get Joe's jacket on him, while I find the jar." Her head disappeared under the counter only to emerge seconds later in triumph.<br /><br />"Joe, want to go outside with Tata." Luka had started for the coat-hooks when he heard Abby's squeal of success.<br /><br />"Found one! Now, you'll see, Luka, it'll be great, Joe will love it, and I'll even make a ring for you." Closing the door Abby stood and turned to see her husband's reaction.<br /><br />"You are not putting bug guts on me, tradition or not. Okay, Joe, put your arm in this sleeve." Alternating his attention between the two, he finished getting his son's jacket on him before scooping the toddler up. "You ready to go outside?"<br /><br />"Joe go outside." The boy's face lit up in a smile as he nodded enthusiastically to his father's question. <br /><br />"Guess we're ready then, let's go catch you some fireflies."AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-47171175148004028082009-12-01T22:10:00.001-08:002009-12-01T22:12:25.075-08:00Prompt 3.C.2. Explosion/ Elitist Bitches<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxmgIV7UwUWSxDxyvGkw8TWchDx4Bki-0ukRI6WCa9a4I1xcOOXIabxZlFGVx637yNfFzePROoNL3KaqRlvzSj_HVrqnRrAjCUxkosEriar-gWFqPXqRzJxZVj9fzm-q2cXNgW5H-7c5W5/s1600-h/vlcsnap-4277449.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxmgIV7UwUWSxDxyvGkw8TWchDx4Bki-0ukRI6WCa9a4I1xcOOXIabxZlFGVx637yNfFzePROoNL3KaqRlvzSj_HVrqnRrAjCUxkosEriar-gWFqPXqRzJxZVj9fzm-q2cXNgW5H-7c5W5/s320/vlcsnap-4277449.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410517660696055042" /></a><br /><br />I heard the whistle of the shell before I heard the explosion, the shrill piercing sound that could spell nothing but death and destruction, and grief for those who somehow survived it. It was only as I rounded the corner that I realized that this time I would be more than a witness, more than a doctor rendering aid to one of those poor unfortunates who who might be lucky enough to survive with nothing more than the loss of a limb, or their sight. This time the explosion had struck the building that housed my family, and as I took the stairs upwards to our small apartment, I barely saw the injured or heard the cries of those who begged me for help.<br /><br />Nothing mattered to me in those moments but getting to my family and on reaching them, finding them safe. It didn't happen. I heard my wife's cry for help as I reached the hallway and as I entered I was met by the sight of my baby boy's body buried under the rubble of what had been his crib, his tiny hand reaching for help that never came to save him. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to leave him like that, but for the moment my wife and daughter were still alive, they had a chance if I could only get them out of the building in time.<br /><br />The smoke was already making it difficult to breath but I had had to ignore it, Jasna, Danijela, they needed my strength, not my fear. I picked up our daughter and told my wife we had to go, only to discover a piece of metal had impaled her, when I laid Jasna down to see to her injuries, my little girl stopped breathing, and I realized I couldn't carry them both to safety. How could I choose between them? I'd already lost my baby boy, I couldn't lose my daughter too, I started CPR, and in between breaths tried to tell Danijela what to do to slow her own bleeding. I screamed for help until my voice was raw, but, no one ever came, and when I lost my wife I fought even harder for my daughter's life. It was finally my own exhaustion that forced me to stop, and my weakness meant the end of my daughter's young life. There was only one final thing I had to do.<br /><br />I placed Jasna in her mother's arms before going to Marko's crib, I couldn't leave him buried like that. I begged him to forgive me for not being home to protect him as I pulled away the debris with my bare hands, even as I knew I would never forgive myself for failing them. When I had finally freed him, I carried him in to his his mother, and after placing him too in her arms I lay down beside them. I think I was hoping that if I went to sleep, maybe God would take pity on me and allow the smoke to claim me, that he would allow me to be with my family in death, but he didn't, the rescuers found me before morning. I was one of the lucky ones they said. <br /><br />If only they knew.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-47874623011185408172009-12-01T20:03:00.000-08:002009-12-01T20:49:11.111-08:00Prompt 85.8 John Beckwith Quote/Couples Therapy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj93vXQfenemf8l5mstIm9QAieKb8xz8zhm0mj7bODqYFNA47hFAY95vReKIt6znK3C5TjUc79nn_hKYbJkcjErueKfQjo7SkrPWTmvX6CR9dnkWG4JxIOWsyLtZm0CivmJC6Ij-3H3hQ1C/s1600-h/vlcsnap-30000.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj93vXQfenemf8l5mstIm9QAieKb8xz8zhm0mj7bODqYFNA47hFAY95vReKIt6znK3C5TjUc79nn_hKYbJkcjErueKfQjo7SkrPWTmvX6CR9dnkWG4JxIOWsyLtZm0CivmJC6Ij-3H3hQ1C/s320/vlcsnap-30000.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410496240401060466" /></a><br /><br />John Beckwith: True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.<br /><br />I wish I could say that my relationship with my wife represented finding my true love, but, I'd be lying. As hard as it is to admit it, Abby's known from the moment we met that my heart would always belong partially to another. Her name was Danijela, and I loved her from the moment I saw her. Even though it's been 17 years since she died, I still love her, I know I'll always love her, and Abby understands that when I die my final resting place will be at her side with our children.<br /><br />Danijela was 16 when we first met, or I should say when I first saw her, it took me some time to work up the courage to actually talk to her, but, from that first look she had my heart. I wish I could say that I knew exactly what it was about her that captured it, but I don't. It wasn't just one thing about her, it was everything, from the way she looked to how she interacted with those around her, and then I heard her laugh.<br /><br />Danijela and I were inseparable, well, with the exception of the time she was in school and I was going through my military service. After we married, nothing outside of my work could keep us apart and I blame that closeness we had partially for why she and our children died. Maybe if we had been apart more she would have left Vukovar when I asked her to, but, the idea of being away from me was too much for her, so she stayed and those final weeks we shared cost us the rest of our lives together.<br /><br />When we were together it was like we shared the same breath, the same thoughts, we could look at each other and know without speaking when one or the other was worried or had a bad day. I look at my relationship with Abby and I wish we shared a bond like that but, I know that kind of love only happens once in a lifetime. Don't get me wrong, I love Abby, I would do anything for her, but, she and I will never have what Danijela and I had, and I know that has to hurt her. So, she accepts what I can give, knowing that I will be there for her, to protect her, and most importantly to love her until death do us part.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-51599440165514015252009-11-30T18:58:00.000-08:002009-11-30T19:07:05.498-08:00Prompt 66.6. Can I ask you something?/ On The Couch<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLUjYzXbJYMyof0dN5RnPlcQV8EeqVqRDCE0EdUB3ZvAiaW6IaJO7VszxIW87gnY1C1ypW4yQRQd4OGfJFKpfbKUA3d-3_zq8Eht4isUBXV_H002BhSsnxXYsIpHU54hh1m2OWWefW5yUa/s1600/vlcsnap-7165.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLUjYzXbJYMyof0dN5RnPlcQV8EeqVqRDCE0EdUB3ZvAiaW6IaJO7VszxIW87gnY1C1ypW4yQRQd4OGfJFKpfbKUA3d-3_zq8Eht4isUBXV_H002BhSsnxXYsIpHU54hh1m2OWWefW5yUa/s320/vlcsnap-7165.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410097955967817538" /></a><br /><br />When Abby and I first dated, it was during a time when I very rarely spoke about my life prior to my arrival in Chicago. Most knew I came from Croatia of course, a few who worked in the ER knew that while I had survived the war in my home country, my wife and children had not, only one, Carol, knew the full story. I'll never know what prompted Abby to open the door on my past that early morning all those years ago, but, I've often wondered if she regretted the decision.<br /><br />The year was 2000 and we were lying in bed talking about a number of things from our relationship to a patient of mine at the time who was a Catholic Bishop. While I at first resented having to treat Bishop Stewart because of my feelings toward the Church and God left over from Vukovar and the loss of my family, before he died the man enabled me to find my way back to both. <br /><br />I was a little surprised at first when the conversation settled into silence, then figured it was still early, it was just likely Abby wanted more sleep, and then very quietly she asked the question that started it all.<br /><br />"Can I ask you something?"<br /><br />"Um hmm." <br /><br />"What was her name?"<br /><br />"Whose?<br /><br />"Your wife."<br /><br />"Danijela."<br /><br />"Did you love her very much?"<br /><br />"Um hmm."<br /><br />To some it wouldn't seem like much, but, for Abby and I it was huge. Everything to that point had always been about Abby, her life, or her problems, this was the first time she had asked about my life. Over the years there have been other times. She's learned more about Danijela, of our children, of our families, and most unsettling for her, of the war that separated us forever. But, those times would come later, we both had to grow first, to part ways and then find our way back again.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-19369748148882614202009-11-20T19:08:00.001-08:002009-11-20T19:11:31.706-08:00Prompt 309 - What have you Forgotten? / Theatrical Muse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuKpKfff8gFxso-GV8svNy_XAGp-DbKV0gDFNiJtX1zfqjfsZv-4aI0sLDxBKYBYiTF80L_Pyy7XxiiGOK0-ZzzuZa2pozfZSSDCCML8g5OQni93ym1du68xkYdlHdxPtYAWNzEIZ6Tzhe/s1600/Sea+Change09~4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 177px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuKpKfff8gFxso-GV8svNy_XAGp-DbKV0gDFNiJtX1zfqjfsZv-4aI0sLDxBKYBYiTF80L_Pyy7XxiiGOK0-ZzzuZa2pozfZSSDCCML8g5OQni93ym1du68xkYdlHdxPtYAWNzEIZ6Tzhe/s320/Sea+Change09~4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5406389144853271138" /></a><br /><br />What haven't I forgotten? There's been so much over the years or at least I thought there was. <br /><br />For a long time I was sure I had forgotten how to smile, how to laugh. I had forgotten that any kind of joy existed because all I knew was death and sadness. I wanted the world to be dark place, because I needed to live there as my punishment for surviving when my family did not.<br /><br />I'd forgotten what it meant to have a sense of family, of belonging, of home, and that too was by my own choice. All of those things were reminders of those who were no longer with me and while I still had my father and Niko, even being with them became too much, I had to leave, I had to abandon everything and everyone that reminded me of Danijela and my children if I was to have any hope of moving forward.<br /><br />Moving forward, that's a joke in itself, it was more like running away. I couldn't set down any roots, and I didn't dare allow myself to form any serious friendships. Having friends meant they would ask questions about my past, questions I didn't want to answer, it was easier to just pick up and go, so, that's what I did until I got to Chicago, then everything started to change.<br /><br />For a while I forgot about my past, I began to think I might be allowed to start a new life, okay, maybe I was slipping into someone else ready-made family, but, it was still a family, and I was all right with that. How could I have been so gullible? By the time I remembered the damage was done.<br /><br />I can't say what made me try again and when that too failed to work I found myself losing my hold on not just my personal life, but my professional one as well. For so long work had been my escape, and suddenly I seemed to have forgotten why I was doing what I was doing. Nothing mattered anymore, not the patients, not the job, I simply put in the hours and when I wasn't there I drank myself stupid, and became a person I hated to look at in the mirror.<br /><br />It took my own near death for me to finally find my way back from the darkness, and as I stepped into the light I rediscovered life, love, joy, I found my wife, I became a father again. I've learned that everyday may not be perfect, but, that doesn't matter, because I can handle it and if at the end of the day I can hold my son, and kiss my wife, then nothing else matters.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-22334690447882187652009-11-19T19:17:00.000-08:002009-11-19T19:34:54.289-08:00Prompt 112.10: The Writer's Way/ Love and Romance, A Marriage/Writers Muses<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3SHYPgXVcsJfdJB2-xUdu4oFKsyPJAzUOQ2itczbP78xfVLWIl_qcPI8nGuN_mPrJ2_Bt7T1dz7ej-ja4EKpknSldb6FE2zOlzqdsniTfuv8MO7aY9P399APCBQQ-DEsSgxbKuyz6kqz/s1600/Luka+and+Danijela.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 100px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3SHYPgXVcsJfdJB2-xUdu4oFKsyPJAzUOQ2itczbP78xfVLWIl_qcPI8nGuN_mPrJ2_Bt7T1dz7ej-ja4EKpknSldb6FE2zOlzqdsniTfuv8MO7aY9P399APCBQQ-DEsSgxbKuyz6kqz/s320/Luka+and+Danijela.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5406023591013511410" /></a><br /><br />Be all my dreams remembered.<br /><br />Danijela and my children have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I shouldn't be surprised of course, they're always in my thoughts at this time of the year, but for some reason, this year is different. For the first time in seventeen years I'm not finding myself awakened in the middle of the night by Danijela's cries for help, or the sight of my baby boy's lifeless hand reaching for the help that didn't reach him in time. Even my failed efforts to keep Jasna alive have not visited me, and I can't help but wonder why this year is so different than all those that have passed before. <br /><br />I can't go so far as to say that my nights have not however been dreamless, and as much as I understand Abby's increasing worry as night after night I find my sleep interrupted, I've been unable to share the nature of this year's dreams with her. I can't explain how I feel when I wake and traces of the dreams are still lingering with me, but, then I see Abby's face, and I wonder if she somehow knows. Have I said something in my sleep, and if so, does she see my reaction to them as a betrayal of the vows I made to her when we were married? It's at that point that it becomes too much and I know there will be no more sleep for me, so I flee the bed, and her, choosing instead to wander the still dark house in hopes of reconnecting with some of those memories that the dreams touched on.<br /><br />Unlike in years past, jarred awake, only to be left wondering about what the dreams that woke me are about. Instead, It's like nightly I'm being led through a movie meant to remind me of the good times that my wife and I shared. <br /><br />It's hard to believe that we'd have been married for 22 years now had Danijela not been taken from me that day in Vukovar. From the moment we met there was a connection neither of us could deny and neither the two years we were forced to wait to marry, or my time in the military were enough to change how we felt about each other. Even now, I still feel it at times, and these dreams seem to be reinforcing that bond we shared.<br /><br />In previous years, the weeks leading up to the anniversary of the death of my family and the fall of Vukovar have always been filled with dreams. No, check that, not dreams, nightmares. Nightmares that not only woke me, but more often than not had left me drenched in sweat and shaking, with few memories of their details. I could generally guess about the contents of those past nightmares though, nightmares have haunted me for longer than I want to remember, and while for the most part they have faded, there are times of the year, like now, that they've always returned. So, again I ask myself, why is this year different?<br /><br />For so long I dwelt on that final day to the exclusion of everything else it seemed, and in my mind it was as if my life had ended with the loss of my wife and children. I think too I had reached the point where I didn't want to relive the joy we shared because I felt I didn't deserve that anymore, and by only remembering that last day I could punish myself for failing them. Maybe this was God's way of saying that I had punished myself enough, or maybe Danijela herself was sending the dreams to me as her way of showing that she's forgiven me. <br /><br />Reliving the first time we met and those early times together, it shocks me when I remember how young we both were. We had no idea of what our future held, we didn't care, all that mattered was how much we loved each other, and how long we would have to wait before we could be married. Daniejela was only 16 when we first professed our love to each other, I was 18, there was no question of her finishing school and I had to serve my stint in the military, it made sense to wait, but two years seemed like forever.<br /><br />We survived it though, and when we married I was sure there had never been a bride more beautiful then Danijela was. After years of having the image of her bloodied body burned into my head, these dreams have given all that and more back to me, and I can't help but be thankful to whoever is responsible for sending them to me.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-38079663737204332382009-11-07T21:35:00.000-08:002009-11-07T21:38:13.461-08:00November Prompt 006: Bravery Quote/Artistic License<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihPGCnhXvmkDWXUpmru72lARHb_Ghiy23tU7A9yoBnbeUs3fC90rHd9iq7x9Medl8DCpXFnTT7-A7rjkpNScrAVfCSFBLmZTIELGVUfbY3GQtP6jJxa2Ewd-NJoo4NFz0m0-urC6EcygiP/s1600-h/vlcsnap-822473.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihPGCnhXvmkDWXUpmru72lARHb_Ghiy23tU7A9yoBnbeUs3fC90rHd9iq7x9Medl8DCpXFnTT7-A7rjkpNScrAVfCSFBLmZTIELGVUfbY3GQtP6jJxa2Ewd-NJoo4NFz0m0-urC6EcygiP/s320/vlcsnap-822473.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401602471467144818" /></a><br /><br /><strong>006. Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death. --General Omar Bradley </strong><br /><br />"Luka, we have to go!" While the gunfire outside the small African clinic made Carter jump, it seemed to have little if any affect on the tall Croat as he continued with the amputation of the leg of the small girl on the table in front of him.<br /><br />"Not yet, take the others, I can finish up here. I'll follow with Chance when I'm done." Despite his efforts to conceal it, the tremble in his voice betrayed his own fears on the danger of their current situation.<br /><br />"We're not leaving you." Carter stood firm even as he spotted several soldiers, with their rifles at the ready, cross the yard outside the window. "We won't have long and they'll be inside."<br /><br />"I know, Carter, but, if I don't get everything closed before I move her, I risk losing her. I'm not taking that chance if I don't have to." Kovac's irritation toward the younger doctor was growing as the man persisted. Did he really think he wasn't aware of what was happening outside and the risk he was putting them all in by not stopping the surgery immediately? Hell, if Carter could get past his own fear he would see there was no choice in finishing, he reached for more gauze in an attempt to clear the field of the rapidly pooling blood.<br /><br />"Luka!" Carter reached of the IV as the gunfire and yells outside signaled that they were now directly involved in the battle. "It's now or never, we take her as she is or they'll kill her and us."<br /><br />"Damn." Kovac tied off his last stitch before hastily wrapping what remained of the young girl's leg. It would have to do. "All right, I've got her, give me the IV and let's go." After wiping his hands on the already bloodied towel on the cot, he scooped Chance up into his arms. <br /><br />"Run!" As he hit the back-porch he heard the sound of the clinic's front door being forced open, it was all a number's game now, for all of them.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-7583340718596380842009-11-03T20:36:00.000-08:002009-11-03T21:04:12.496-08:00Nov Prompt Qc) What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished? /Creative Muses<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1D83EgcbH2QLFThjxx6d6UY2AJDraBC1wLzSeZlJQDgyiaCj4_vYCpRf9Sru7DqbxttxlY7qLi7M3KErsTRk_bh2QOHrztTzX6Qc6JBybJKLmWqX2HpNhzuXiSnOO23TrZ9oqjkTpmQH3/s1600-h/snapshot20080926123954.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1D83EgcbH2QLFThjxx6d6UY2AJDraBC1wLzSeZlJQDgyiaCj4_vYCpRf9Sru7DqbxttxlY7qLi7M3KErsTRk_bh2QOHrztTzX6Qc6JBybJKLmWqX2HpNhzuXiSnOO23TrZ9oqjkTpmQH3/s320/snapshot20080926123954.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400106010535241154" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Full Circle</strong><br /><br />As a doctor, as someone who survived a war, and as someone who has chased death more often than any one person should have to in their life, I suppose the expected response would be for me to say it is having the ability to hold someone's life or death in your hands on a daily basis. You would think I would say that, but, I can't, because for me, there is one greater accomplishment that I didn't realize the importance of until I thought it had been lost to me.<br /><br />I married my first wife, Danijela, when I was 20, and she was just 18 and within a year of our beginning our life together, we welcomed our first child, a daughter, Jasna. Within three years we welcomed our second child, a son, we named Marko. I loved being a father, and though work and classes often kept me away from them more than I liked, when I was home, when I wasn't studying, I wanted nothing more than to spend my time with my wife and children.<br /><br />And then they were gone.<br /><br />I thought my life was over. I wanted it to be. I prayed for the next mortar that fell to strike the building I was in, for a sniper's bullet to find me as I walked the streets of Vukovar in the days and weeks after they were laid to rest, but, they never came. Even in those final days, as the City fell to the Serbs I was left to wonder why I would be one of those spared when so many close to me would perish. <br /><br />Danijela and I were only married for 5 years, but, it may have well been a lifetime for the love we shared, and without her and our children, I was nothing. I was lost, I was alone, and I couldn't understand why God refused to allow me to join those I loved in death.<br /><br />It took years for me to learn the reason behind his sparing me. Years that would lead me far from the memories that still sometimes visit my dreams. In time I discovered I was able to love again, and with that love I rediscovered the one thing I thought I would never know again. <br /><br />Parenthood. Fatherhood. The day I looked into my baby son, Josip's face I knew there was nothing more amazing, no greater accomplishment in fact, than the ability we have to create new life and with it to become a parent. To this day, I hold my son, and he seems to have a power over me that I can't explain. It doesn't matter what my day has been like, one look at his face, seeing his smile, and everything pales in comparison. <br /><br />In the beginning I was worried that Joe would be taken from me as Jasna and Marko had been, but as the years pass, those fears have faded as well. As I watch him grow from infant, to toddler, to this amazing little boy who wants to know and do everything I can't imagine not being here to share those experiences with him, and I thank God for not answering my prayers all those years ago. More then anything though, I want to teach him all of those things I wasn't able to give to the brother and sister he will never know. I want to be the father to him that I would have been to my first children had they not been taken before they had a chance to experience life as he now is.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-62189386110653905012009-11-03T17:03:00.000-08:002009-11-03T17:23:00.003-08:00Prompt 307: Trick or Treat<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiusrO2a1XLBPl4SJSXOu5BA_xFUzV_se5jgvNAataGzY4UvVgrRYiyFuFesBgvJBUCjtWFsccj8vhD_cmHuhHikcZiE1aBTV3pLYaW_iwahTHAkJKhPtHY21KVaEf26-dERxCw5QZHsbH9/s1600-h/vlcsnap-325595.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiusrO2a1XLBPl4SJSXOu5BA_xFUzV_se5jgvNAataGzY4UvVgrRYiyFuFesBgvJBUCjtWFsccj8vhD_cmHuhHikcZiE1aBTV3pLYaW_iwahTHAkJKhPtHY21KVaEf26-dERxCw5QZHsbH9/s320/vlcsnap-325595.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400052721180334962" /></a><br /><br />Her name was Valerie, and she walked into my life at a time when it seemed like everyone else was walking out of it, or at least everyone who mattered that is. I suppose I couldn't really blame them, I'd become someone even I didn't want to be around, and as much as I wanted companionship, I was doing nothing that made anyone want to spend more than a few hours with me at most.<br /><br />I met her in a bar. I was sitting at the bar alone, doing my best to drink myself into a stupor before finding my way home, a habit that was becoming far too common at the time, when she approached me. I wasn't surprised when she stopped to talk to me, women hit on me all the time, and back then I was taking advantage of it more than I want to admit. I needed to be with someone, I needed someone to hold me, to show me I could be loved again, even if it was only for an hour, and even if it was a stranger.<br /><br />I guess what made her different from those that came before her, and even those that would come after, was that she was the only one I ever paid. Don't get me wrong, I didn't immediately jump at her offer, if anything my ego was a little bruised by it. Why should I have to pay a woman to spend time with me? But at that moment, in thinking about it, I knew I was alone, and I needed so very badly not to be, so, I said yes, and that night became the first of many I spent in her company before I found my way out of the darkness that I was living in.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-41640215191763519112009-09-03T23:29:00.001-07:002009-09-03T23:35:45.256-07:00I have news!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid5HlL7A5aXt2DH24SBqZ-Mr53Ynev3P-upLBK0uO5tK_9qhnUnQ3BdJL4tfFaZ1aXvB2vIfodAXitQvlZQp2OOhMLZ3wHYsnauEdDhA_Yo5HvQr8PEKfFmBpG3Fonj8V5e1UG9be3uh8s/s1600-h/2ERMbl03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 208px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid5HlL7A5aXt2DH24SBqZ-Mr53Ynev3P-upLBK0uO5tK_9qhnUnQ3BdJL4tfFaZ1aXvB2vIfodAXitQvlZQp2OOhMLZ3wHYsnauEdDhA_Yo5HvQr8PEKfFmBpG3Fonj8V5e1UG9be3uh8s/s320/2ERMbl03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377495961435793842" /></a><br /><br />Finally I have good news after so long of nothing but bad. I learned the results of my last blood draw and I'm up to 3.8, only .1 from what is considered the "normal" range. No more restrictions from going places, and my doctor is fairly confidant the danger associated with the allergic reaction to my newest medication change has finally passed.<br /><br />I also saw my eye surgeon today regarding the cataracts I have in both eyes, and I go back tomorrow for additional pre-surgery tests before going under the knife for my first eye on the 17th. After a couple of weeks recovery time, I'll go back in, and the second eye will be done on October 1st. I'm hoping that by mid-Oct I will be able to fully concentrate on writing again, and once again start providing you with the story updates and new one-shot stories that you have all been so patiently waiting for.<br /><br />Thanks to everyone who has sent their positive thoughts, they've been much appreciated.<br /><br />JDAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-9796400099290203232009-07-12T20:49:00.000-07:002009-07-12T21:06:08.594-07:00Update<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5y1-BS4RH35NwqySupBWeeIub2ilpwsskIygbLIrEit5fJAYwM_6klCEJXRUKKCbu9laN5FMEJvR3XViPpy6EWIZ7BgEIUCcnDRH6y1gbZtXMl3sojhGcBNSCr5zNpe6DtIo8z8W00WF1/s1600-h/bs11.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 175px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5y1-BS4RH35NwqySupBWeeIub2ilpwsskIygbLIrEit5fJAYwM_6klCEJXRUKKCbu9laN5FMEJvR3XViPpy6EWIZ7BgEIUCcnDRH6y1gbZtXMl3sojhGcBNSCr5zNpe6DtIo8z8W00WF1/s320/bs11.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357790184739265490" /></a><br /><br />My apologies for not having updated recently, I've been dealing with serious flare-ups with several of my health issues that have severely impacted my ability to concentrate enough to write. I'm hoping that recent injections to both shoulders and a change in one of my meds will change that though, so please bear with me. Thanks for reading.<br /><br />JDAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-82472889679430991072009-05-30T18:42:00.000-07:002009-05-30T18:43:02.644-07:00May Prompt 005: Meet One Person? /Creative Muses"Why do you keep asking me things like that?" Luka glanced at Abby over the rim of the beer he was drinking.<br /><br />"Because I'm trying to find out more about you, now, answer the question. If you could meet any person in the world, dead or alive, who would you want it to be?" As she finished, Abby picked a peanut out of the bowl on the bar and tossed it at him.<br /><br />"Hey, don't throw things." Luka lifted a hand, deflecting it before it made contact, but, not before Abby had another at the ready.<br /><br />"Are you going to answer the question then? I've got a whole bowl, I can do this all night." As if to prove her point, the small brunette cocked her wrist, intending to make good on the threat.<br /><br />"Last chance." <br /><br />"You're not going to know who it is." As he spoke, Luka kept his hand up, ready to block again if needed.<br /><br />"You're stalling." She flexed her fingers for the throw, sure he was going to force her to make good on her threat afterall.<br /><br />"Okay, okay, Tin Ujević. Satisfied." Luka kept his hand up just in case Abby decided to throw the peanut anyway.<br /><br />"Who?" Unable to register anything but confusion at his answer, Abby automatically released the weapon and let it fall back into the bowl.<br /><br />"Tin Ujević, he's considered to be one of the greatest Croatian poets of all time, and I told you that you wouldn't know who he was." Luka reached for his beer not that the threat of attack had passed.<br /><br />"A poet? A poet. Since when have you been into poetry?" Abby swept her hair from her face as she tried to reconcile herself with his answer.<br /><br />"Since, I don't know, longer than I can remember." <br /><br />"Do you have any of his poetry?" Abby found her curiosity growing as this new side of Luka was revealed.<br /><br />"Yeah, I do." <br /><br />"Will you share it with me?" <br /><br />"It's not in English." <br /><br />"That doesn't matter, you can read them to me." Abby laid her hand on his as she made the request.<br /><br />"I want to hear them the way you do. Luka, I want you to share them with me."<br /><br />Two poems for you to enjoy...<br /><br />Zelenu granu by Tin Ujević<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_kBB_1j3tM&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/r_kBB_1j3tM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />And Uhapsen u magli by Tin Ujević<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4bYOfcJn8yc&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4bYOfcJn8yc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-68923299482445560692009-05-28T18:49:00.001-07:002009-05-28T18:53:26.648-07:00May Prompt 006: Shadows / Artistic License<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWka1CsrDbGBhVjx38C0yeOPa0zHQaMpdR3i9iU6HPQCNSR2BUGc0KBO3xsujfi2GhLo9OH4QLBThZQmMrgST5QR2QrKYXfkaD3aLkFmsNXpFR58x5hieBtWtsSWAiuehSiCKbz3Yi6WMM/s1600-h/1183140873_f.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 273px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWka1CsrDbGBhVjx38C0yeOPa0zHQaMpdR3i9iU6HPQCNSR2BUGc0KBO3xsujfi2GhLo9OH4QLBThZQmMrgST5QR2QrKYXfkaD3aLkFmsNXpFR58x5hieBtWtsSWAiuehSiCKbz3Yi6WMM/s320/1183140873_f.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341057988677512482" /></a><br /><br /><br />Keep to the shadows... <br /><br />It was a mantra he forced himself to repeat anytime he left the apartment. In the early days it had been done simply as a reminder to himself.<br /><br />Keep to the shadows... <br /><br />The snipers were becoming more and more prevalent, their aim far deadlier. It didn't seem to matter who their targets were, the elderly woman queuing for a loaf of bread, the man with his child filling water jugs at the City spigot. Anyone was a ready target. <br /><br />It's easy before dawn, at dusk, even into the night, though risk is still there, the darkness holds safety. Or so we like to trick ourselves into believing, in reality there is no safety in our lives anymore. It's with full daylight that the true danger arrives though, but, what can we do? We have to feed our families, we have to have water, for some, like me, there is still work that must be done and so we risk our lives in the world we no longer know. <br /><br />What choice do we have? Do we become hermits, hiding away in the darkness of our apartments with no heat, no electricity, no running water until necessity forces us to venture beyond those walls? This is our world now, the world we have bequeathed to our children, a world of fear and certain death unless we pray for God's protection, and keep to the shadows...AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-23708126516230001942009-05-12T13:21:00.001-07:002009-05-12T14:22:56.764-07:00Prompt 2009.18.2. What meals or food do you make really well?/ Realm of the Muse<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiudIdaNW71dHIde2xncwMYCGSa_nXM4z7ui7hz7l1YRQXMiPScZmq5niiXKHHZ3rIcDGENX-OJT_aQvVNn9meUv2QP5gNlCD-VnlQjAO3FXLBhOulN1rUv1PP7gdF2UQBVTt5pQVzDrlSu/s1600-h/de7c750e.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 311px; height: 188px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiudIdaNW71dHIde2xncwMYCGSa_nXM4z7ui7hz7l1YRQXMiPScZmq5niiXKHHZ3rIcDGENX-OJT_aQvVNn9meUv2QP5gNlCD-VnlQjAO3FXLBhOulN1rUv1PP7gdF2UQBVTt5pQVzDrlSu/s320/de7c750e.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335036845401411202" /></a><br /><br />Now that we're settled in Boston, I find I'm spending more time in the kitchen than I ever did in Chicago. I enjoy it, I not only find it a great way to relax, but, it also gives me a chance to cook the foods I grew up with. I think being back in Croatia for as long as I was while my father was ill, and reconnecting with the importance of those family mealtimes made me realize that I wanted to share that with Abby and Joe once I was home.<br /><br />I look at the comfort I find in the foods I grew up with, the thick soups and stews with their fresh baked croutons, the goulash and seafood, and yes, even the pastries, and I want that for my son. In fact, I'm cooking today, and as the smell of the simmering broth fills the whole house, all I have to do is close my eyes to find myself transported back to my mama's kitchen. I want my son to have these same memories, to enjoy the food as much as I do, so, I give him this gift as it was given to me, out of love.<br /><br />Čobanac sa žličnjacima<br />Shepherd's Goulash<br /><br />Ingredients<br /><br />300g. (11 oz.) veal<br />300g. (11 oz.) pork<br />6 tablespoons oil<br />200 g. (7 oz.) onions<br />100g. (4 oz,) carrots<br />50g. (2. oz) parsley root<br />1 clove garlic<br />ground sweet red pepper (to taste)<br />salt and pepper<br />1 chili pepper<br />1 tablespoon ajvar ( a piquant, spicy and delicious mixture of round, red, sweet peppers (known locally as tomato peppers), aubergines, and chili peppers, first baked, then peeled, minced and cooked to a thick consistency).<br />1 bay leaf<br />1 tablespoon smetana<br />half a litre (20 fl. oz.) white wine<br />1 tablespoon Vegeta<br /><br />Foer Dumplings:<br />350 g. (12 oz.) flour<br />1 egg <br />salt<br /><br />Chop the onion. Grate the carrots and parsley root. Wash and dice the meat. Chop the garlic.<br />Heat the oil and lightly fry the onion, add the carrot and parsley root and braise for a while. Then add the meat and spice it with chili (or cayenne) pepper, red pepper and salt. Add a little hot water, bay leaf, Vegeta and allow to simmer gently, adding further water as required.<br /><br />When the meat is half cooked, add the dumplings, garlic, and ground pepper. Finally, stir in the ajvar, wine and smetana.<br /><br />Dumplings:<br />Mix the egg, salt and flour with sufficient water to produce a thick dough. Work the dough by beating it against the side of the mixing bowl with a wooden spoon until it becomes smooth and elastic and peels easily away from the spoon. Spoon pieces of prepared dough into a larger saucepan of salted boiling water. Cook for about 15 minutes, remove the dumplings and drain them.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-61981598666474451752009-05-12T11:55:00.001-07:002009-05-12T11:57:50.790-07:00Prompt 48: 4. Love is what you've been through with somebody- James Thurber/On The Couch<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY9_9k2DQpWQ2-cCooMuDrHQoRzkRfSVyIuyGgnvQcPkopbfhlVluB31FUwN5Ew2o8iT4Zd4Rxu_b0-YZko_pWL5hG1sw062Evw27_sxfPZOHRqqqNzLPb03pVeeZ8xy0CedcZ8XeUvD1E/s1600-h/first+time.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 99px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY9_9k2DQpWQ2-cCooMuDrHQoRzkRfSVyIuyGgnvQcPkopbfhlVluB31FUwN5Ew2o8iT4Zd4Rxu_b0-YZko_pWL5hG1sw062Evw27_sxfPZOHRqqqNzLPb03pVeeZ8xy0CedcZ8XeUvD1E/s320/first+time.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335013512323813842" /></a><br /><br />From the time I was a young child I remember sitting and listening as people told stories of finding that one person who they knew was meant for them. From my parents, to my grandparents, to their friends, everyone had a story, if not of finding their own love, than of someone they knew who had. I don't know if I really gave them anymore thought than all of the rest of the stories I heard through my childhood until that moment that I first saw Danijela. <br /><br />From my very first glimpse of her I knew that she was the one I wanted to spend my life with and nothing anyone could say could sway me. Because of our ages, Danijela was just 16 when we met, we waited two years to marry and during that time we made so many plans for our future. I don't think two years could have moved any slower than those two did, and it certainly wasn't helped by our being separated because while Danijela was finishing school, I was away fulfilling my military obligations.<br /><br />We married when Danijela turned 18, and nine months later we welcomed our daughter, Jasna into our lives. If I thought I had loved my wife before, it was nothing compared to what I felt toward her once she began to carry that life inside of her, than later gave birth. Can anything be as beautiful as a mother and her child. I could have spent hours just watching them together, envying her that closeness gained with our daughter as she breastfed her. It would deepen still further with the birth three years later of our son. <br /><br />I'll never know why our love was tested in the ways that it was. I'll never know why the life that seemed so perfect from it's start would end so suddenly, but, it did. I do know though that the love I felt for Danijela, the love I still feel for her will always be with me. It took me a long time to understand that it's okay for me to keep loving her. It took me a long time to understand that there was room in my heart for someone besides Danijela, and once I realized that I not only loved her even more, but, I could at long last move on.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-47050118852910980492009-05-11T18:15:00.000-07:002009-05-11T18:17:02.575-07:00Prompt 64.5 Reminder Picture/ Couples TherapyFind a picture of something that reminds you of your partner and explain why. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1Kb0Obx9EIfbD_Ggz8rkduenqIL9GC-oJwE8o7fQcqGbe_KrZlAvLHxYRdD6XTue28Z4FgPz6BzSdkn-4GmHei2dGo4pkaESIMk6zlBPOqyfJxpypA7U9oiQdDSoRRGplst_orNnzpn_/s1600-h/FAS_Foosball_table_1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1Kb0Obx9EIfbD_Ggz8rkduenqIL9GC-oJwE8o7fQcqGbe_KrZlAvLHxYRdD6XTue28Z4FgPz6BzSdkn-4GmHei2dGo4pkaESIMk6zlBPOqyfJxpypA7U9oiQdDSoRRGplst_orNnzpn_/s320/FAS_Foosball_table_1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334740103705071666" /></a><br /><br />It was our first date, we went to a bar for a drink, and...there was this foosball table there. I'd never played before, and while she denys it, I still say she cheated. I'd like to say it was the perfect first date, but it wasn't, things happened that neither of us could have expected, things that could well have ended things for us even before they had begun.<br /><br />I'm not saying the date, date part was bad, well, other than the fact that she cheats at foosball, we had a good time. We drank a little, talked about nothing that meant anything, had something to eat, and we enjoyed each other's company. Oh, yeah, and I kissed her. We had a good time. When it came time to leave we decided to walk along the river, that's when things fell apart.<br /><br />If I could go back now and undo that decision, I'd go it in an instant. No one wants to believe they hold that kind of rage inside of them, but, even worse than it being exposed, is having someone else witness it. You see, I killed someone that night. I didn't mean for it to happen, I just reacted, and as a result a man died. Abby could have walked away, turned her back on me forever, I wouldn't have blamed her if she did. Who wants to be with someone capable of such violence? I even tried to push her away that night, I was disgusted with myself and disgusted by what I'd done. Yes, the man had tried to mug us, but, he didn't deserve to die for that. <br /><br />Abby didn't give up on me though, and while things didn't work out for us then, we eventually found our way back to each other. It took time, and we both went through a lot of changes to get to where we are, but, we have a beautiful son now, and we're happy, and you can't ask for more than that.AzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229167575559155276.post-19240162461475658462009-05-08T17:45:00.000-07:002009-05-08T17:50:26.066-07:00Prompt 282: Cremation or burial? Talk about funeral arrangements./TM<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV3WlMAgIcZ4R3jD-XhSZtckGKpwwL_KAMFqMBOouvvUajqyPb2-iQmfG8NFYTRyZ2B9NJuc97uYVQqhwfocBhmx1tmjO_hVcNuKBFm_TMd5R1HllEg4d9X74mbv_FCTtF88mgMZkHUgXv/s1600-h/cantyouhearmyscreams01.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV3WlMAgIcZ4R3jD-XhSZtckGKpwwL_KAMFqMBOouvvUajqyPb2-iQmfG8NFYTRyZ2B9NJuc97uYVQqhwfocBhmx1tmjO_hVcNuKBFm_TMd5R1HllEg4d9X74mbv_FCTtF88mgMZkHUgXv/s320/cantyouhearmyscreams01.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5333619991682257426" /></a><br /><br />This is something Abby and I have talked about quite a bit, maybe because of my past, but, mainly because I felt she deserved to know that this was something I feel quite strongly about. For a long time I felt that my life had ended with the death of my wife Danijela, and our two young children in that small apartment in Vukovar. When their caskets were lowered into the ground, I couldn't shake my feelings of guilt over having failed them, and in that moment, had I been given the choice of joining them, I would have done so willingly. Despite the number of years that have passed since those burials, I know, and Abby understands, that my place belongs beside my first family, and so, when my time comes, she and Joe will take me home to Croatia and bury me there in that Vukovar cemetery. It's my hope, that in their own time, that they might too join me, but, that is a decision that will be theirs to make and not one I can make for them.<br /><br />Because I was raised Catholic, and that faith was so much a part of my life with Danijela, and still is important to my family, I've already expressed my desire for a Catholic funeral and burial. I think it's a way too I can honor Bishop Stewart's memory, and thank him again for opening the door that allowed me to re-find my faith after many years away. On that day, when my body is once more reunited with those of my family, and my spirit rises to Heaven, I have no doubt that Danijela, Jasna, and Marko will be there waiting to greet me, just as I one day will be there to greet Abby and Joe when their time comes.<br /><br />Graphic by JanaAzizalSaqrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16200395257441962719noreply@blogger.com0