Thursday, August 30, 2007

24A. What is your prime motivating force? /Canon Muses

From the moment I met Danijela I think I knew that every decision I made in my life from that moment forward would come second to her and then later to my children's needs.  Then again, even as I say that it seems that I in turn contradict myself because when it came to the most important time in their lives for me to make that choice I failed them.  For the five years I was married to Danijela, and the two years before that that we dated, the choices that we made were ones we were sure were going to better our lives, the lives of our children, and if we were lucky, we would have enough left over to take care of our extended families as well.  How we looked at things was the way things had always been done.  Nothing was more important than family, except perhaps your faith in God, it had been that way for our parents, and their parents before them, why would we think it would be any different for us?

I don't think either of us understood how hard it was going to be to find ourselves not just cut off from our families, but in the middle of a war-zone with no means to escape.  I blame myself for putting us in the position we were in, I should have made Danijela take the children and leave when she had the chance, but she refused to break up our family, and I refused to walk away from my residency.  I don't think either of us thought things would become as bad as they did, and by the time the realization was there it was too dangerous to leave.  All we could do was stay where we were and pray for God to keep us safe.

He failed us, as I had failed them, and I lost them all.  On that day I lost not just my belief in him, but my purpose in life as well and it took many many years for me to find my way back again. But, then I met Abby, and after some bumps along the way I've found my reason to live again. Everything I do now is for Abby and Joe and the life we're building together, and as hard as it seems at times, I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I made all those years ago. 



Song Prompt 171.1/Realm of the Muse

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

"It's hard to believe we've finally done it." Abby's words were quiet as she looped her arms around her new husband and interlocked her fingers.

"You're not mad about my doing all of this without telling you?" As his arms slid around her in response he pulled her closer.

"Maybe a little, but I think I'll get over it." She smiled up at him before raising up on her toes so she could kiss him.

"I just...I don't know...I love you Abby, I love Joe, and I can't think about a life without either of you, there didn't seem to be any reason to wait anymore, even if it meant not having our families here." Luka returned her kiss as he finished.

"Who gets to break the news to them?" Abby's smile came easily. "Maggie is not going to be happy when she hears we had the wedding without her." 152

"I already told tata." His own grin spread across his face as he confessed. "I had to talk to someone about it." He drew back, expecting a swat from her that didn't come then pulled her close again.

"Bastard. Now you do get to tell her." Any further words that she might have had for him were lost as he captured her mouth in another kiss.

"It doesn't matter." He leaned his head against hers, "All that matters is that we're together, we're a family. Listen, I can't say it any better than this." He lifted a finger then motioned to his ear as he stopped himself, the lyrics to the song suddenly saying what he wanted to.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all theway.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

Sunday, August 26, 2007

August Prompt A: Dreams/Ineffable Fandom

A) Getting your dreams, strange as it seems, can be a little, well, complicated -- Wicked

When I was young, the dreams I had for my life were simple ones, to marry, to finish school and obtain my license to practice medicine, and to start a family with the woman I knew I would spend my life with.  I had no reason to doubt that I would be successful, the goals were ones that were no different than many others my age, no different than those of our fathers before us, with the exception of our choice of careers.

If only I had known it wasn't going to last, but, I couldn't know that. Nobody plans for their life to unravel, nobody plans for their world to completely fall apart.

When you lose everything you have, you give up on your dreams, or at least you tell yourself you do.  What good is it to plan for a new future when you can't let go of those who are tied to the one you no longer have?  You try to convince yourself you're ready to move on, but, regardless of what your head tells you, it's your heart that's in control, and nothing you do can change that.

There's a familiar saying, "Time heals all wounds," maybe that's true, because eventually you do begin to dream about your future again.  At first you don't even realize it's happening, you may even deny it to yourself, you have to, because to admit it is to betray the memory of those no longer with you.  Gradually though the feelings of guilt subside, and as they do you find not only can you dream about the future to come, you can finally open yourself up to living it.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Prompt 192: Write about a recurring dream you've had./Theatrical Muse Challenge

Dreams? More like nightmares. I've had them as my constant companions ever since that day I lost my wife and children to the missile that destroyed our apartment in Vukovar over fifteen years ago. When they first began they were always the same, I would hear their screams, their voices calling to me, pleading for me to help them, to save them, and always I would arrive too late. Over and over I have replayed the scene of finding my young son buried beneath his crib, his tiny hand reaching up through the bars, pleading for the help that never came.

I can't tell you how many nights I found myself forced to relive the hours that followed, trying to comfort my wife while doing cpr on our young daughter in the hopes of keeping her alive. There were nights I thought I would never wake from the nightmare, and others where I prayed I wouldn't because on those I could keep them alive just that much longer.

As the years pass, I can't help but hope that the dreams will one day fade, but that same hope is also my fear because those moments are all I have left of the family I've lost.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Prompt 191: Where do you see yourself in twenty years?/Theatrical Muse Challenge

Twenty years...had you asked me that question twenty years ago, I would have said that Danijela and I would have been celebrating 21 years of marriage. We would have been supporting Jasna as she experienced the wonders of her second year of college, and though I wouldn't know it then, I would have expressed my hope that we would have welcomed at the very least one other brother or sister to join her as she grew older.  Fate has a way of playing cruel tricks however, and as much as I might have wished those dreams to have become reality none would play through to truth.

Twenty I dare think ahead, take a chance on having these dreams stolen away like those of twenty years past?

Twenty years...I would love nothing more then to take Abby and Joe back to Croatia, to buy a small house near the sea.  I would hope that Joe would follow in Abby and my shoes, that he would like to become a doctor as we are, but I know it is a choice he will need to make himself.  I think if we do go back to Croatia that I will still want to practice medicine, and maybe Abby and I can open a small practice, tending to those who live where we are. 

I know there is one final thing I will need to do on my return, and of course that will be the most difficult, and that is to return to Vukovar to visit the graves of Danijela and our children.  I think it's important for Joe to see the places he will have heard me talk about for so many years, the hospital, the place where our apartment was, the city itself.  Like so much of Croatia these places will have been mere stories up to then, and this will finally make them real, give them substance. I don't know if it will make a difference for him, or for Abby, but for me, I think it will finally give me the closure I have never had.  Then again, maybe twenty more years is too long to wait for that.


Prompt 21A: Were you forced into your current path, or are you there by choice?/Canon Muses

I don't know how old I was when I decided I wanted to go into medicine, but, I think I always knew that I wanted to help people and I know that what I learned from my parents had to influence that. 

My mother was a very religious person, actually both of my parents were, but, my mother more than my father.  When she wasn't taking care of my brother and I, or looking after my grandparents or my father, my mother was helping those within the church less fortunate then we were.  I'm not saying we were rich, we never were, but, we never wanted for the necessities and my mother knew how to make the most with what little there was, and still find a way to make something extra for a family she'd heard was in need. 

My father was a train engineer, when my brother and I were young he would let us go on the train with him. We were so proud of him, knowing that everyone on the train depended on him to not just get them where they needed to go on time, but for their safety as well.

As I grew older I couldn't help but learn from the lessons they taught us, and when it came time for me to choose a career, medicine seemed a perfect way to put everything into practice.  I've never regretted my choice, and I can't think of a better way to honor them than by being the best doctor I can be.



Tuesday, August 14, 2007

1.69.1: Do You Know How To Save A Life? /Realm of the Muse

I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to know how to save lives, but time and time again when it comes to those that matter I fail. I know, if I look at the totals and compare the number of lives I've saved to those I've lost, those still here will always win, but that doesn't ease the guilt at my failures, or lessen my grief when I think of those who are no longer here.

I look at my earliest failures, the ones that still linger even after so many years. even though I know in my head that I did all that I could, in my heart I still find reason to blame myself for my short-comings.

We all make mistakes, but, how do you forgive yourself for those mistakes that you know you shouldn't have made, those mistakes that under different circumstances you wouldn't have made? Rick Kendrick, Curtis Ames...the names may change, but, the fact remains that lives were lost because I failed at what I was trained to do.

So, maybe the question should be not so much do I know how to save a life, so much as can I?


Sunday, August 12, 2007

Prompt 23 A: Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? /Canon Muses

It was the feeling of emptiness that woke her.

"Luka?" Abby came awake fully as she rolled to her side, intending to curl up against her husband and instead finding only the coolness of long abandoned sheets.

"Luka?" She repeated his name as she pushed the coverlet aside and rose herself to go in search of him. Her first thought was that he must be with Joe, it wouldn't be the first time that their son's cries had woke one while failing to disturb the other.  As she eased the door open, expecting to find father and son together she instead found Joe still asleep in his crib.

"Luka?" It was hard not to keep the note of fear from her voice.  Ever since she'd seen him walk out that door with Curtis Ames she'd understood what it felt like to feel like she might lose him, and even knowing that Ames was dead, knowing he couldn't hurt them anymore, the fear still remained.  It was only as she came down the stairs and saw the trail of light that she could let go of her fear, to see past that and to what it was that had driven her husband from their bed.

"Luka?" She paused at the foot of the stairs as she called his name again, giving him a moment to realize he was no longer alone before approaching.

"Couldn't sleep?" As she walked up behind where he sat on the couch, and slid her arms around his neck, she realized that he held the picture of his first wife and daughter in his hand.

"No, did I wake you?" He made no attempt to conceal the small black and white, but, simply reached up to pat her hand.

"What's wrong, Luka?" After leaning in so she could kiss him, Abby rested her head against his.

"Do you know, Danijela and I would have celebrated our 21st anniversary this year."  His voice was quiet, the memories of a marriage long over still laying close to the surface. He fingered the frayed edges of the picture, aware that the smiles of the woman and young girl at one time stirred more feelings of sadness than the happiness they should.

"That's a long time." It was hard not to feel jealous of the feelings he felt for the young woman she'd never know, but she'd learned to allow him room for them, as hard as it was.

"Yeah...long time..."  His words grew quieter, and she knew his thoughts were back with those long gone.

"Good night, Luka." She brushed her lips across his cheek before releasing him,this was their time, and she'd leave him to them.





Saturday, August 11, 2007

Prompt 22A What do you dream about?/Canon Muses

It was his scream that woke them both and where Abby's first instinct was to reach out to Luka and pull him into her arms, experience had taught her that as hard as it was she had to allow him to make the first move. Sitting up she hugged her knees to her chest as she watched her husband find his way back from whichever of his nightmares had robbed him of his sleep.

When she had first met Luka the dreams had always been the same, taking him back to those final months with the family he would be forced to lose over and over again. Since then he'd added other demons to his sleep, the horrors of his experiences in the Congo, and now, most recently those hours he'd been held by Curtis Ames. As she saw him finally open his eyes she offered him a small smile.

"Hey, do you need something to drink?" She was already pushing the blankets aside with the question.

"No, that's okay...I'm sorry I woke you." Without thinking he rubbed his right hand, the pain from the dream lingering even with the dream gone.

"You don't have to apologize, Luka." Stretching her legs out again, Abby patted her lap.

"Come lay here." As he complied she began to brush her fingers through his hair.

"You should go back to sleep yourself." Luka's voice was drowsy as he encouraged her to do that same thing she was asking of him.

"I will, in a little while, now, shhh..." She softened her voice, then slowed her motions down, knowing that he was already close to returning to sleep, if only she could keep him free of the dreams as easily.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Prompt 168.2 Castle/Realm of the Muse

Guess what? You've inherited, won or been given this house! What happened? What are you doing in there?

"What do you think?" Luka shifted Joe to his shoulder as he stood looking up at the castle in front of him.

"I don't know what to think, I'm still trying to recover from the flight, let alone the news that this is ours." Abby slid her arm around her husband's waist as she leaned against him.

"How is it that your father never told you about this?"

"It's not like I've been here, and before that." He offered a shrug by way of explaining what he couldn't find the words to say.

"Abby..." Luka stopped himself before he even began.

"Let's go inside." Producing a key he unlocked the padlock that secured the gate and pushed it open.

"After you." He shifted Joe's weight as he realized that their son had managed to fall asleep as they stood talking.

Over the next half hour the two walked from one end of the castle to the other with Abby drawing out a rough floor-plan as they did. The condition was rough, it would take time and money to renovate, but, Luka's salary had been more then he had needed for years, and it wasn't like they couldn't find a loan for additional funds they might need.

"What's going on in your head, Luka, you've been staring out that window for the last ten minutes." The truth was, Abby had grown frustrated with trying to read what was on her her husband's mind from his face alone, and her curiosity was getting the better of her.

"Abby...what would you think about moving here?" Luka's voice held a quiet seriousness to it.

"To this castle? Are you serious?" Moving in front of him she forced her husband to look at her.

"I don't mean to use it as a house." The Croat moved his sleeping son from his shoulder to the crook of his arm so he could see his face.

"Abby, I'd like to turn it into a combination orphanage/hospice...use it as a tribute mainly to Jasna and Marko, but also Danijela and Tata. There is so much space here, and we could provide the medical care that was needed...before you say anything, I've spent most of the last fifteen years thinking only about how much it hurt to lose my family. This is a way to change that, a way I can see them and talk about them without the sadness that I've always felt. I don't mean we'll do all of this by ourselves. We would have a staff, but being here with Tata while he was ill, I realized how much I've missed being here and how much I would love to raise Joe the way I was raised. I want Joe to know my language and culture as well as he knows yours." He paused, drawing his lower lip between his teeth as he waited for her reaction.

"I think it's a wonderful idea, and I think Danijela and your father would be honored to have something like this dedicated to their memories and to the memories of your children." Taking care not to disturb Joe's sleep Abby rose up on her tip-toes so she could kiss him.

"As for raising Joe here, we can do that too, though I'm making no promises on my learning Croatian." She couldn't help but smile as her words provoked a laugh from him.

"You think I'm kidding, I barely passed Spanish in High School. Stop laughing at me." She swatted at him which only seemed to make things worse then gave up and slipped her arm around his waist again as she leaned against him.

Maybe there really were happily ever afters...

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Prompt 1.65.3 Ruin pic/Realm of the Muse

Croatia 1992

He was going home. No, not home, he had no home anymore, the war had seen to that.  Luka turned slightly in the tight space that the bus seat offered him. Many of those in the bus were carrying on quiet conversations, his seatmate had tried to engage him in one when the journey had begun, he couldn't do it. Not here, not now, not knowing that at some point the conversation would come around to who and what they had lost. It was the one thing they all shared besides the fact that they were here at all, the thing that had placed them on this very bus.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to talk? It'll help pass the time." The man's voice crept into his thoughts and prompted him to sigh before opening his eyes again in response.

"I told you, I just want to be left alone." There was a touch of fatigue in his tone that no amount of sleep seemed able to erase, and as he finished he turned fully away.  He wanted to watch the passing scenery about as much as he wanted conversation, but, the man was leaving him little choice.

"I'm just trying to be friendly." The man offered the grumbled apology before turning toward the aisle and the conversation that was taking place across from him. 

Wearily Luka dropped his forehead against the cool glass, so many deaths, so much destruction, how could anyone believe things could return to what they were before the war started?  How could anyone believe any of this could ever be undone? 

As his eyes settled on the ruined buildings Luka couldn't help but find the similarity to what his own life had become.  Both had once held the hopes and dreams of futures to come, and now they were nothing but hollow empty shells. It took everything he had to look away once the comparison was made and without thinking he withdrew the small photo of his wife and daughter.

This was supposed to be a fresh start, how could they be so wrong?


July Prompt B. "I know that you don't want to hear this..."/Ineffable Fandom

"Are you awake?" As Abby eased the door of the hospital room open, part of her hoped she would find him asleep, while the rest was relieved to find Luka alone. Her biggest fear though had been that she would find Gillian sitting vigil at Luka's bedside, and she wasn't sure she was ready for another encounter with the Canadian nurse just yet.

Instead of answering Kovac shifted in his sleep on the bed, a soft moan his only response. When she had met him in the hallway the day before she hadn't been able to ignore the lingering bruises, or his pallor, seeing him now against the white sheets only emphasized them more. 

Letting the door close behind her, she moved over to check the flow of his IV's then smoothed the tape down over his bruised hand before taking a seat in the chair beside him.  She'd hated the idea of both he and Carter going to the Congo in the first place, and then when the news had come of Luka's death. Abby wiped at her eyes before the tears had a chance to get started.  She wondered if she would ever be able to forgive either of them. Damn both of them for putting all of them through this.

"Hey...what are you doing here." Luka's quiet voice drew her attention away from her own thoughts and back to him.

"Hey, yourself, did I wake you?" She sniffed back the tears and hoped he wouldn't notice.

"No...was dreamin'."   His accent came a little thicker almost as if he was making no attempt to control it.

"Gillian's not here?" His eyes swept the room as he spoke and he seemed a little surprised to find the other woman absent.

"I didn't see her, it's early though, she probably just stepped out for a bit, maybe she went to get some sleep or change clothes.  Do you need something?  I can call a nurse." She reached for the buzzer even before he had answered.

"No, just wondered." He shook his head before laying his hand on top of hers to stop her. 

"Doesn't matter.   You on your way to work?" As he quizzed her he first raised the head on the bed so he was sitting up, then picked at the tape that held the IV needle in place on his hand.

"Later, I just thought, I don't know, maybe we could talk." Abby hesitated, watching him and wishing she had something to do with her own hands, in the end she settled for simply dropping them in her lap. When had she felt so uncomfortable in his presence?

"Sure, we can talk, what did you want to talk about?" Maybe it was something that passed across her face, as he asked the question, or maybe it was something that went deeper between them, but he instantly regretted the question.

"Luka, I know you don't want to hear this, it's hard for me to even talk about it, but I can't just pretend that it never happened, that it isn't true." Abby wiped at her eyes again, wishing she had never even come to see Luka let alone begun the conversation she now found herself stumbling through.

"Luka, they told us you were dead.  You went there knowing you were willing to risk your life, to throw your life away, without even thinking about how it would affect those around you and then you convinced John to do the same thing." There was a tremble in her words but she somehow managed to finish.

"How could you be so selfish?" The anger bubbled to the surface and with it came the tears she had fought so hard to hold back.

"It wasn't like that." Even as he denied her words Luka knew there was a truth to them that he hadn't recognized at the time.

"Luka, you've been spiraling out of control for months, how can you deny it?" Abby came up out of her chair so quickly that it rocked backward and nearly fell backward before she steadied it.

"Just lots goin' on...needed to try and make sense of it." The conversation was one he knew he needed to face but at the same time he knew it was too soon.

"You need to talk to someone, Luka, really talk to someone, you can't keep living the way you were before you left." The words were barely out of her mouth when the door opened and Gillian stepped into the room.

"I know." Luka's reply was almost lost to the nurse's appearance.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't expect anyone else to be here." Gillian smiled and moved to Luka's bedside, then leaned down to give him a friendly kiss.

"Good morning." She smiled at him before brushing her hand over his forehead, checking for fever.

"'Morning.  Abby stopped by before work." Luka offered the explanation as he looked before the two women.

"You still have a fever, have they brought your meds in yet?" She automatically began tidying up the area around his bedside, straightening his blankets and the table alongside the bed.

"I should go."  As much as she wanted to continue the conversation with him, Abby knew that it was impossible with Gillian present.

"Is it okay if I come by after my shift?" She moved to the door and opened it lingering in the doorway as she waited for his answer.

"Sure, I'd like that." Despite the turn their conversation had taken Luka managed a weak smile for the dark haired woman.

"Thanks for coming, Abby. His smile broadened, reflecting the sincerity behind his words.

"You're welcome, Luka, take care of yourself." Abby found herself easily returning his smile before slipping out into the hall.  Despite her anger at his actions, her feelings for him remained and she doubted that would ever change.



Tuesday, August 7, 2007

August Prompt 002: Crayon /Artistic License

His shift had been one of those that left him drained and as he slid his key into the lock to the apartment Luka felt the exhaustion left by the long day wrapping itself around him.

"Abby, I'm home." He dropped his satchel and keys on the small table next to the door as he entered the apartment.

"In here. hear tata?" Abby's voice carried in from the nursery. "We'll be right out, I'm just doing a diaper change."

"Okay." Moving to the refrigerator, Luka pulled a beer out and twisted the cap off as he made his way back into the livingroom and took a seat on the couch.

"How was your day?" The question followed his first pull off the beer, though he didn't really expect an answer before Abby joined him. Reaching for the remote he switched the television on, only to move quickly through the channels before settling on a soccer match.

"Ready to see tata?" Joe's answering giggle forced him to turn and he immediately reached up to take his freshly changed son.

"Hey,'s my big boy?" After giving him a kiss he settled the baby onto his lap.

"You got a package today, I think it's from your father." Freed of Joe's care, Abby had moved over to the table to gather up the mail and as she brought it back to the couch she handed a small padded envelope to him.

"You didn't open it?" He was already tearing into it with the question.

"No, it wasn't addressed to me." Abby found herself watching him, just as curious as he was by the unexpected gift.

"It's a book." Luka handed the envelope to Joe, hoping to distract him as he flipped through the pages of the old hardback, it looked familiar, but the significance behind his father having sent it to him was lost. Frowning he looked for a note, and as he opened the book fully to the page marked by the folded slip of paper he saw it. Realization hit him with a force that almost took his breath away as he saw the childish crayon scribbles that seemed to deface the book. Opening the paper revealed a short paragraph in his father's cramped scrawl.

Luka, my son,

I found this on a shelf while cleaning some things away, I think it's our angel Jasna's work, and I knew you would want it. Give my love to Abby and baby Joe.

I love and miss you,

Without saying anything he refolded the letter and slid it back into the book before turning it so that Abby could see the page.

"So many years have passed, how could he know?" The words came softly as he laid his hand on the faded crayon lines, irrational hope looking for a connection to the small girl so long gone.

"He knew I'd want it."

July Prompt 002: Refuge Quote/Artistic License

Depression was something the doctors and nurses working in the displaced person's camps saw in almost every patient they treated.  It didn't matter how young or how old they were, it didn't matter how mild or how serious their injuries, the depression seemed to be a constant.  How could it not be when almost every one of their patients had lost everything before coming to them? Knowing about the illness was one thing, treating it something entirely different, and worse yet was coming to terms with the loss of a patient who they should have saved but for their giving in to it.

As their patients conditions improved enough that they were moved out of the medical tents and into those that would house them until they left the camp, they often found it lifting for many of the women.   As they fell back into the more normal routine of taking care of their children and other family members, of setting up households it was easier for them to set aside the circumstances that brought them to the camps  If only the men had similar reasons to get through the day, unfortunately they didn't, and already suffering the losses of family members as well as jobs and careers,they now found themselves unable to even provide the basic necessities for their own survival.  Despite the reasons that brought them to the camps in their minds they were failures, that they would be sucked into the the blackness of depression was inevitable.

Even now, as she entered the men's tent Dr. Forquet could feel the heaviness in the air. There was none of the music or laughter found in the family tents, none of the personal touches that showed that those here were trying to move forward. It would be easy of course to dismiss the staleness in the air to the smoke from their cigarettes, but it was more then that, the closed flaps and tent sides spoke to yet more reasons. There was no light here, no brightness, no life.  No, those here had already begun to give up on not just themselves but whatever the future might hold for them and she had to find a way to change that. A soft cry from the basket in her arms reminded her why she was here and she moved to the closest of the cots.

"Luka...are you awake?" She was already drawing the attention of those around the man she was trying to rouse and she took a seat across from his cot, setting the basket on her lap as she waited for him.  He was one of the younger ones, one of those she was most afraid of losing because he had lost so much and had already given up on any hope for a future.

"Their mother was killed, I'll see you get everything they need, and they'll need to be fed around the clock."  She was already lifting the tiny kittens from the basket as she spoke, passing them off to waiting hands as each was freed of the towel that had hidden them from view.

"Luka, please, will you take one?" She held the smallest of the litter toward him, letting it's cries do what she and none of the other's had so far been unable to do.

"Please?" A smile made it's way onto her face as he nodded and finally accepted the tiny kitten.  Small steps...but, a start toward healing, toward living, for both of them

Monday, August 6, 2007

August Prompt: 005. Which is more important? Private life or Professional life? /Creative Muses

After I lost Danijela and our children, work became an escape for me, a place to hide from the past I didn't want to think about. In the early years of my career I threw everything into it, even to the point of leaving the Country I was born in, thinking the farther away I was from the memories, the easier it would be for me to move on. For fifteen years I put my career ahead of everything else, I became an enigma, a moonlighter, never staying long enough for anyone to get close enough to find out anything about me, until Chicago.

County was different, so different that even I didn't see it at first, and over time I found the life I had thought would be my future, no longer the one I wanted. Little by little I began to reveal pieces of the past I had concealed for so many years. With those revelations came another and as much as I thought my career was so important I began to realize what I had sacrificed with the loss of my family all those years before.

My eight years at County have had it's share of ups and downs and just recently it's brought me back full circle to that place I was in that small apartment in Vukovar. I have always wanted to be a doctor, but no less then I've wanted to be a husband and father. Abby and Joe have given me back what I never thought I would have again and as much as I love medicine, I would walk away from it in a minute if the choice were it or them.

July Prompt: 005. What does your home tell about you? /Creative Muses

I think most people would take one look at the chaos of our apartment and think we were totally disorganized, but, we really aren't, I promise. When Abby and I got back together, it seemed only natural that she would move into my place, especially once we found out she was pregnant and we knew we were going to keep the baby. Because I was living alone when I started the renovation of it, it was only natural that the style and colors took on a more masculine feel, all that has changed with Joe's arrival, was that the spare bedroom became a nursery, and baby items seem to have taken over just about every other room as well. Joe's our life, when Abby and I aren't working we're spending our time with him, and maybe that's the biggest thing our home reflects. We don't hide Joe away in the nursery, he's with us in everything we do, in fact, if we could find a way to have him with us at work I know we most likely would. I love being a parent, I love every aspect of it, including the mess it brings into your home, and despite her initial fears, I'd like to think Abby feels the same way.