How fitting that on this, the day that I'm leaving everything I know, that it should be raining. I've been fighting back the tears, trying to stay strong for my father, and it's as if the heavens themselves are crying for me. I feel like I'm abandoning Danijela and my children, my father, but I can't stay here, there's too much pain, too much loss.
The wipers sound their cadence as we drive, breaking the silence in the car brought on by the fact that neither my father nor I have the words to say what we need to say to each other. How do you tell someone who means so much to you why you have to go away from them to start living again?
I can't make him understand something I don't even fully understand. I do know that there are too many reminders here, too many things that take me back to what I've lost, too many places where I see those that are no longer here.
Instead we drive without words, father and son left to our own thoughts, hoping that when the time to part finally comes the words will be there. So, until then the only sound breaking the quiet coming from the heavens, the drops striking the windshield, as they continue to shed their tears.