Sunday, September 9, 2007

September Prompt: 005. What do you care about most? /Creative Muses

I don't even have to think about my answer, it's there instantly, and I know without question I would give my life to ensure it's safety. The truth is, I almost did.

I never realized how important family was when I was growing up, it was just something I took for granted.  What I mean is, my parents were always there for me, but so were every other kids, and while we were never rich, we were happy, and my brother and I always knew we were loved. We still do.

When it came time for me to think about starting my own family I knew I wanted to have what my parents had, but, I knew too that I wanted more for us.  I didn't want my family to know hardship, I didn't want them to know sadness or pain, and in my innocence I thought I could somehow protect them from that. I was wrong.

It took me fifteen years to finally allow myself to believe that I was worthy of having again the happiness and love I had lost all those years ago.  Fifteen years to trust the feelings I had been denying were real.  Fifteen years to re-open those parts of who I am that I had buried with my family in that Vukovar cemetery.

I can't undo the terrible things I said to Abby that night we broke up, and even though I apologized for them I will always carry the guilt of knowing I was, and maybe still am,  capable of saying such things to someone I claimed to love.  Abby has said she forgives me for that night, and I've said the same to her for the words she hurled at me.  We wanted to hurt each other that night, and the words we chose did just that, but, never again. 

Curtis Ames proved to me that I wouldn't hesitate to give my life up for Abby and Joe, as much as I loved them, as hard as it would be to walk away, if it meant they were safe, I could do that for them.  I don't think I could give them any greater love than that.





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