Standing in that operating room watching them work on Joe, I felt so helpless. I remember praying, or trying to pray, asking God not to take yet another child away from me, while at the same time we had the Priest there to christen him, just in case. I'm a doctor, I became a doctor to help people, and yet, then, when my infant son most needed my help all I could do was stand by and do nothing.
It's not even that I don't trust those working on him, I know they're doing everything they can. It's just, I've been here before, well, not exactly here, but, with Jasna, I know I did everything I could and it still wasn't enough to save her or Danijela. Why would God ask this of me yet again, why would he ask this of Abby, knowing that there will never be another child for her? What happened to the loving god that is supposed to exist, where has he gone?
Where is the miracle for us? The genie to grant us the wish that will make everything okay? I want to believe, but all I can think about is all that can go wrong. I'm so afraid that after so long you've given us this wonderful gift only to snatch him away before we even get a chance to know him. Please, I beg of you, I'll never ask for anything again, if only you spare his life, let him have a chance to live. Anything you want, all you have to do is ask.
The truth is...I just don't know that I can handle losing another child...please don't ask it of me.
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