Saturday, June 2, 2007

Describe your perfect day/Theatrical Muse Challenge

I never thought I would say it, but more often then not, I already have what I consider perfect days. Maybe it's because Abby and I are so happy, maybe it's knowing that I've finally realized what I need to be doing in regard to my work, most certainly though it's anything that involves spending time with my son Joe. 

I look back at all of the wasted years, when I was lost to depression caused by the loss of my first family. I look back on those years when I tempted fate by engaging in behaviors that went against everything I believed in, and worse when I taunted death itself and I can only thank God for watching over me.  For allowing me to survive and once more know the happiness that I had with Danijela and our children.

It doesn't take much for a day to be considered perfect these days, from the moment Joe wakes, and I see his smile it's begun for me.  Some mornings I'll start the coffee, on others Abby will, the other will see to getting Joe up and through his first diaper change.  I tend to feed him breakfast, it's our time together, and while I love watching him grow, with each day of new growth also comes more independence, and I know too quickly he'll be feeding himself, and this special time will soon be lost to us.

On a perfect day, neither Abby or I would be scheduled to work and the two of us could take Joe to the park, or to the zoo, or simply spend time together with him as a family.  The family I thought I would never again know.

I admit that there are times when I worry about something happening, especially knowing how close Curtis Ames got to Abby and Joe in his efforts to reach me, and I know that fear will likely grow as Joe's age inches closer and closer to Marko's.  I don't think my fear is unreasonable, and I am determined not to let it steal anymore time from my life then I've already lost to my own self-guilt and destruction.

I want Joe and Abby to know a life full of memories of perfect days, not ones of fear or sadness, and whatever it takes to make that happen I'm willing to do. I think we're off to a good start and I see no reason to think it can only get better for us.

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