Monday, June 16, 2008

Prompt 18.3: Intolerance/Couples Therapy


Talk about something that you have no tolerance for in a relationship.

I will be the first to admit that I have kept things from my wife. I'm not saying that these are necessarily things that impact our lives now, but they are secrets none the less, parts of my past that for whatever reason I've decided are mine alone. Even as I admit to this, I also have no doubt that were you to ask my wife, she might very likely admit the same herself, for we both we married before, we experienced love and loss, and so much more, but none of which has bearing on where we are now.

As readily as I admit and accept that there are and will be secrets between us, there is one thing of which I have no tolerance for and that is lies. I would far rather have Abby keep the truth of something from me, no matter how difficult that may be, then to have her lie to me about it in order to spare me whatever perceived pain that truth might cause me. I don't care how strong your relationship is, or how long you've been together, as soon as the lies begin, the foundation everything is built off of can only begin to crumble and it isn't long before other aspects begin to decay as well.

Let me clarify something though, just because you make the decision to tell the truth doesn't mean your marriage will be free of problems. No, I'd be lying myself if I said that. If anything it's more likely that things will get worse before they get better because those things which might tempt you to lie are often far worse then those which you choose to keep forever a secret. Abby and I are working through that hard truth at this very moment as we deal with the consequences of her having revealed the truth of a drunken one night stand to me. Do I wish she had kept the truth a secret? I don't know. Though, I think I sensed that there was something wrong between us even before she told me, and I have to accept some of the blame because her indiscretion occurred while I was out of the country for an extended period of time. All we can do now is give things time, and pray that eventually it'll work itself out and our relationship will be the stronger for it when we finally do.

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