I should have known something was wrong from the sound of Abby's voice when she called me. I should have realized that there was more to the call then her just wanting me there with her and Joe. I'd been with her long enough to recognize the signs if only I had taken the time to listen for them. I can't even begin to describe what went through my mind when I reached the apartment and found Curtis Ames there holding a gun on Abby and our infant son. Why hadn't I listened more closely, why hadn't I realized something was wrong?
There was never a doubt in my mind I would do as he asked, I don't think I even thought about the consequences. It didn't matter what he might do to me, but, I wasn't going to risk anything more happening to Abby and Joe, they had already been through far too much. When he demanded I leave with him there was no question of my complying, it was impossible for me to do anything else, and in those moments it was as if I were blind to seeing anything but him and what he was demanding of me.
I would have given anything to have gone to Joe before I left with Ames, to have held my son in my arms and inhaled the scent of him, to have kissed him, and whispered my love for him. I wish too that I could have gone to Abby. I wanted so badly in those final moments to hold her, I wanted her to know how grateful I was for the time we'd had and for the gift of our son. More importantly I wish I could have told her how much her love meant to me, because I was sure that in leaving I would never see either of them again.
I didn't dare look back as I left our apartment with Curtis Ames, for as difficult as it was to agree to go with him, it would have been next to impossible if the last thing I had seen was Abby's face. You see, I know what would have been written there, and seeing her expression change as I defied her unspoken plea to remain, would have been even harder than that.
So, I left them, the two people who were my life. I left them, believing that in doing so I would never see them again, but, knowing that they would be safe, and in my heart, in my head I could think of nothing more valuable that I could leave with them then that gift of safety if I could no longer be with them.