If only I had done things differently. It seems like I've spent half my life regretting the choices I've made in it.
If only I had chosen a different career. If only I had moved Danijela and the children out of Vukovar before it was too late. If only I had allowed the children to go with me to the market that day. If only...
How can we not second guess our actions when the worst has happened to us?
If I had told Carol how I really felt about her leaving. If I hadn't reacted the way I did when the mugger attacked us. If I hadn't drank so much. If I had realized what was really wrong with Rick. If I hadn't driven so fast.
It's so easy to see what you should have done after it's too late.
If I hadn't taken the position at County. If I hadn't gone to the Congo. If I hadn't slept with Abby again. If Abby hadn't become pregnant with my child.
I look back now on those things I would once have changed in my life and I realize they're all pieces of what makes me who I am now. As difficult as it is living with them, I know without them I'd be incomplete, and then I would truly be lost.