Monday, February 16, 2009

Prompt 52.3: Candy Hearts...Marry Me/ Couples Therapy

How do you put into words the emotions that run through you in those moments just before you say those two words that you know will change your life forever?

When I'd asked Danijela to marry me all those years ago, we had both been sure that we would be together for the rest of our lives. We were so young, so innocent, and all that mattered was our love and being together. We couldn't wait to welcome children into our lives, to show them the love our parents had shown us, to impart the wisdom that we'd been given, to know the joy that our parents must have known as we watched them grow. Little could we know that few of the dreams we had for our life would come true, that the years we'd thought we would have to look forward to would be cut so short. I lost my first love, my wife Danijela after little more than five years of marriage, our daughter, Jasna was only a few months younger, our son, Marko, had barely reached 18 months of age. I was sure my life was over, sure I was destined to die alone with only my grief for companionship.

When I left Croatia, my brother accused me of running away, in truth I knew that if I had any hope for a life it had to be somewhere far from the reminders of those I had lost. Even then, for the longest time I from myself drifting into relationships that I thought would allow me to recapture what I'd had with Danijela. Some saw it for what it was, others, like Abby the first time we were together, realized that I wasn't ready to give up my love for Danijela, that I needed more time, even if I wasn't able to see it.

Over the years that passed, Abby and I formed a friendship that hadn't existed between us when we'd first dated. It took time, but I finally understood what she had seen in me, and I finally saw that the need that I'd been trying to fill with sex never would have allowed for anything more because there wasn't any room for anyone but Danijela. It was only when I could let her go, that we stood a chance, and while she may never have said it, she knew when the time was right we'd both feel it.

I don't think either of us expected for her to get pregnant before we knew where our renewed relationship was going, it was just one of those things that happened. I dreaded the time it took for her to decide if she'd keep him, I wanted Joe from the moment I knew he held life inside of her, but, it was her choice, and as hard as it would be, I had to support her decision. The months that followed were trying, but we grew as a couple and once Joe was born and we had him home, I knew I wanted to make Abby my wife. It took longer for Abby, but the day finally came. While once I might not have believed it, the day did come when I asked her to marry me again and when she accepted, I knew I had found love again, and this time it would be forever.

No comments: