Saturday, March 29, 2008

Week 7.3. If we break up, it will probably be because.../Couples Therapy

If we break up, it will probably be because...

It would be easy to say it was all my fault, or it was all her fault, but, the truth is, we both share blame in how we have reached the place we are now at. We made promises to each other before we married, promises we told ourselves we would keep, promises we've both failed at.

I know that my being gone put a strain on things. I know that I had told her  that we would raise Joe together and by going back to Croatia when I did, and leaving her alone I broke that promise. In my defense, I didn't realize how sick my father really was or I would have insisted Abby and Joe go with me, even if it meant delaying my trip until Joe's passport had arrived. I never meant to stay as long as I did, but, once I was there, I couldn't abandon my father, not with the state his health was in. I'm sorry if Abby felt I had deserted her, or that my choosing my father over her made her less important, I never meant it to be like that.

On Abby's side, I couldn't have known my being gone would cause her to start drinking again, but, worse then that, I couldn't know that she would betray our vows by sleeping with her boss. Yes, I know she was drunk and she says she doesn't remember what happened that night, I've been drunk and I know what can happen. I don't want my marriage to fail, I won't give up my son, so, I'm trying to come to terms with this betrayal, and I hope she can find a way to look past the mistakes I've made. I take my wedding vows very seriously,  I've lost one family, I don't want to lose another, no, I won't lose another.

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