Monday, January 7, 2008

Prompt 212 - What event do you wish you could have been a "fly on the wall" for?/TM

Standing in the road, watching Abby drive away from Joe and I, I can't help but find myself questioning what we have done to deserve this after all we have faced.  I think about the challenges Abby and I confronted during our first year together, and how in the end they proved more then our relationship could handle.  The bitterness of the words we exchanged when we parted ways, and how we both regretted them when we looked back on them much later.  Somehow, we managed to find our way back from that place, we built a friendship from the rubble and without even realizing it, love slowly took root.

I don't think either of us expected we would again become a couple, we certainly never expected to have a child together, but, once the commitment was made we both were determined to make it work.  There was no rushing into things this time, it wasn't just about sex, for the first time we began to talk, to discover what made each other who we were, and I guess in a way, that meant dealing with each other's fears as well.  In a way, I think that's what made it so hard for Abby to tell me she was pregnant.  She had so many fears about being a mother, not just because she was worried about turning out like Maggie, but, because she was so unsure about herself.  I thought she had mastered those fears when she decided not to have the abortion, but, maybe I was wrong.

Once the decision was made to keep the baby, things seemed to get better for us, sure we had our challenges, what couple doesn't, but, we faced them together, and we overcame them.  There were times when I wasn't sure we would make it, when I feared for our very lives, when I saw her fall after Steve had kidnapped Sam, when Joe fought for his life in those first few months, when I left the apartment that night with Curtis Ames.  Any of those would have taxed a relationship, but, we survived, so why was my leaving to take care of my ill father so different? What was it about this time that made it unlike all the others?  I wish I would have been a fly on the wall, that I could go back and see what it was about those months that made them so much more difficult for Abby.  What about them caused her to undo all she had worked so hard for and let her endanger not just Joe's safetybut her own.

Watching her drive away from us now, I know she would never have willingly hurt Joe, but, who she is when she's drinking is not the person she is sober.   I know Abby knows that, I think that's why she needs to do this now, why she wants Joe and I to go to Croatia alone.  I can't help but worry that something will happen in her treatment to make her decide that life with Joe and I is too much for her, I hope I'm wrong.  Time will tell, but, we'll be there, waiting for her, whenever she's ready for us to come home.


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