Wednesday, January 23, 2008

1.91.3 Wake up...roll over...what is the first thing you touch?/Realm of the Muse

I feel like I'm living outside myself. After freeing Marko from the rubble and carrying first him, then Jasna and Danijela from the apartment I'm left to go through the paces that far too many have already gone through. I know what I have to do, but, that doesn't make it come any easier. My family is gone, my wife, my babies, my life, and I find myself praying as I stand before that shell ravaged building, I pray that a sniper will find me so that I can be with them as they are laid to their final rest.

I feel like I'm living outside myself, going through the motions with no memory of how I got from one place to the next. So it is on that next morning as I wake up...and roll over, and for a moment I can almost forget, I reach out expecting to find my wife and instead find only emptiness, and as my hand falls, I come fully awake to find I'm on a cot in a storeroom instead of the home we once shared. Never again will I wake to her smile, to her kiss, to the laughter of our children as they join us in our bed, this is what I have to look forward to now, and I feel so alone.

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