There was a time when I looked forward to sunrises. Those minutes when the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon were moments that Danijela and I shared together. With the children still sound asleep we would lay in each others arms and talk of our future, or reminisce of our short past. On some mornings there would be no talk, but that is not to say we did not learn as much if not more.
There was a time when I dreaded sunrises. When I would wake and in the clouded blur of half sleep I would reach across the bed for Danijela and instead find only cold emptiness. I used to see sunrises as a reminder of our time together and found myself unable to bear to watch the sky as it burst forth with it's palate of color.
I have a new reason to look forward to sunrises again, my son, Joe. It seems that there are not enough hours in the day for me to spend with him and though I know I have to work, in truth, as soon as I'm home I want to have him near me. I'm sure part of it is a fear that I might still lose him as I lost Jasna and Marko, and if I am close I know that not a second would be lost. I have so much to share with him and he has so much to give me, I worry that I might forget something after so long, that'll I have forgotten what it's like to be a father, or more, to be the father I was to Jasna and Marko. I want to be that kind of father to Joe, not the one who's afraid to let him experience life.
So, I show him the sunrises, and I show him sunsets, but most of all I share with him the stories of those who he will never know, and I hope he'll grow to love them as much as I do, even though they'll never have a chance to meet.
Muse: Luka Kovac
Fandom: ER/Miscellaneous TV