I'm not sure what made me decide to take a permanent placement in Chicago, up to then I was determined not to allow myself to let anyone get too close, because getting close meant talking about my past, and I knew I couldn't do that. I wonder how differently things might have gone had Carol not offered her friendship in those early days? If I had kept the boat and headed south as the weather grew colder as I'd planned from the start, where would I be now? Even as I ask the questions I know I'll never have the answers.
I accepted the job at County before I had really decided I was ready to allow anyone to get close to me again, the fact I had chose a hotel as my place of residence was the first clue to that. I tried to defend my choice, it was a good deal, trading my services to the hotel's guests saved me on rent. Their laundry service and the hotel restaurant were just two more benefits, or at least that's what I told myself. In truth, it was just another way for me to keep my distance. No one gets hurt when you keep your distance.