Saturday, October 20, 2007

It's hard being away from home...

I spent most of today at the hospital with my father only to come out and find half a dozen messages from Abby on my phone, when I called her back I learned that Joe had been in an accident and she'd spent several hours with him at the hospital. I can't tell you how that made me feel, I should have been there for her, for him, but I'm not. What kind of a father does that make me? I'm torn between loyalty to my father and that I feel to my wife and son, and I wonder which should take precedence. I'm afraid that I'll leave here and return to the States only to have my father die while Im gone. I know my brother Niko is here for him, but, it isn't the same. All those years ago when I was struggling with my own losses it was his strength that I relied on and now I'm thinking of deserting him at a time when he needs me the most. I've been here so long it seems, and already I've missed so much, Joe's first steps, and the independence that comes with that, do I dare risk missing his first word as well? I sent him a book to remember me by, I'm afraid he might forget me, and maybe that in itself is my greatest fear of all. Niko is calling me, I have to go, I just wish I knew what to do.

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