Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What do you strive for most in your life?/Canon Muses

When I was younger I thought I knew what I wanted from life, a wife, a family, a career.  When I met Danijela and we immediately fell in love I was sure that our life would be the one we'd always dreamed of, the one our parents had told us we would one day find.  For over four years everything seemed perfect, we were in love, we had two beautiful children, I was on my way to getting my medical degree, how could we possibly know that it would all be ripped away from us?  I don't know that either of us realized what the war would do to us, I know we never dreamed it would steal our future, let alone our lives, but it did.
When Danijela and my children died I felt like my life had ended with theirs. I stopped making plans for the future and simply went through the motions of living.  I remember blaming myself, questioning every move I'd made that day and wanting nothing more than for death to find me so I could be with them again.
It took me years to get past those feelings and it meant leaving my homeland, but eventually it happened.  It took longer for me to realize that I could love again. But, it wasn't just about loving, I wanted a normal life again, a wife, a child, stability.  Maybe that's what we all strive for, I don't know, but I never saw it until I'd lost it and found it again.
Abby and I are talking marriage now, we're talking about giving our son Joe the security of knowing both of his parents will be there for him as he grows up,  as he graduates, and embarks on his own life. For the first time since Danijela and my children were alive I can honestly say I'm happy and I didn't think that would ever be possible.

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