In The Wee Wee Hours

The entire Africa arc seemed to motivate me to do quite a bit of writing some of the pieces were little one shots that were springboards directly off the episode's scenes, others were tangents Mel and I wrote through our rpg alternate universe.  http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/In_and_Out_of_the_ER_rpg/ You'll find the secondary link there to our archive of another 1400+ more posts and we always need more writers so feel free to register to play.  Anyway, having posted the first of thes stories I thought I'd go ahead and post a few more...

In The Wee Wee Hours
By J.D.

An ER Fanfic

(spoilers to the ER episode Kisangani)

How had she allowed herself to grow so close?  Laying in the darkness of the tent Gillian found herself listening to the sound of Luka's breathing as he slept next to her.  The cot was scarcely big enough to hold them both, but she had longed for this closeness for too many days to complain. 

Pushing herself up on one arm she allowed herself the luxury of watching him sleep.  He had been exhausted when he had shown up at her door, not that he would admit it.  She had wanted to be angry with him, to scream at him for making her worry about whether he was alive or dead, but she couldn't.  He had waited for her to answer, then greeted her with a weary smile that immediately chased the anger away. 

How could she have let him make her feel this way?  There had been flings with every tour, a few nights of comfort that allowed them both to escape, but never had it caused her to feel like this.  As he moaned in his sleep Gillian reached over to brush his damp bangs off of his sweaty forehead.  "Shh..."  She brushed her fingers over his skin her words nonsense, spoken simply to soothe. 

As he once more stilled she found herself looking over him in more detail.  He had lost weight, something they all did, but why did he seem so much thinner then she remembered?  His face held much of his fatigue, dark circles under equally dark lashes, the growth of beard he hadn't even found the energy to shave.  No bruises though, nothing to show he had experienced more then he had admitted to.

That had been her greatest fear when the days had passed with no sign of him.  They all knew therisks, the dangers they opened themselves up to here, and even more so in Matenda.  She moved her hand slowly down his cheek, then to his neck before letting it come to rest on his chest, over his heart.  For several minutes she let her worries fade, her attention on nothing but the rise and fall of her hand as it matched his breathing. 

He'd said nothing of what had happened in Matenda, nothing of his relationship with the new Doctor, Carter, if anything he had grown more quiet, why?  What had drawn him inward?  Was there more between the two then their just working together?  Or was it something even deeper?  Did he feel what she was feeling, realize what it would do to her if anything had happened?  She hadn't dared ask him if the feelings growing within her were ones he shared, she couldn't risk losing him if she was wrong, not after so long of being alone. 

She needed to touch him.  Splaying her fingers she watched the hairs on his chest curl around them.  Never had she imagined that one man could make her feel so many things at one time.  She had always thought herself immune.  Why should things here be any different than they were at home?  But they were different, had been since that first day when he had arrived at Kisangani.

She found herself smiling in the darkness as the memory of that day surfaced. She was used to the shock and fear that came with new arrivals when they first saw the conditions, but there had been none of that with Luka.  No, he was so different then the others, he had simply dropped his bag in the doorway and plunged right in.  She had almost laughed when Angelique threatened to bodily drag him from the clinic after a grueling 12 hours of nonstop work.  Even then he had been unable to sleep, he had begged a cigarette and instead sat listening to the gunfire in the distance. 

That was her signal to approach, she had seen the signs as clearly as if he had spoken the words himself.  He was afraid of sleep, afraid of not staying busy, and she had gone to him, plying him with alcohol and conversation until he could barely hold his eyes open.  She had needed help getting him to his tent afterwards, and even then he fought sleep, what came next came from desperation, perhaps even fear at being alone, but she had wanted it as much as he did in those moments.

So it would continue, some nights they would talk, others they would make love, still others they did nothing more then lay naked in each other's arms as they waited for sleep to find them.  So it had been tonight, she had wanted to be angry, to scream at him for making her worry so much, and he had wanted nothing more then the feel of her next to him.  "Shh...Luka...shh..."  She soothed him again as he shifted restlessly in his sleep, then lay her head on his chest, her cheek over his heart.  At her action she felt him move, and his hand found it's way to her back before stilling again, bringing a smile to her as she lay there.  Neither of them could know where this would go.  Neither could know if this would last.  But for now, in these wee, wee hours it was enough.

Acceptance (An ER Fanfic severe spoilers for the episode The Lost)

She had accepted that he was dead, well, maybe accepted wasn't the right word, the nights of endless drinking since she had received word were confirmation of that.  She had lost her heart to a man for the first time and now she had lost him, resolved herself was a better way of putting it.  Why hadn't he allowed her to stay with him in Matenda?  Why hadn't she fought to stay?  At least she could have lost her life as he had lost his instead of having to face life without him.

Gillian swallowed the thoughts and tried to focus on what the Mai Mai was saying...Luka a priest?  They thought he was a priest?  Disbelief overflowed at the words...he could be alive?  She needed a drink now more then ever but instead she blindly followed Carter and the others...did she dare hope it was true.

Entering the dark hut with Carter she immediately recognized Chance and her mother, they were alive... but they were alone.  Had it all been a cruel joke?  She struggled to hold the tears at bay as her stomach twisted and turned inside of her.  What was that?  She turned her attention to the pile of rags against the wall that Carter was kneeling next to...and she felt her breath catch.  Luka...oh, my God...it was him...was he alive?  Please...if you exist let him be alive.  She couldn't help begging inwardly for what she had,  until now, denied herself belief of.

"Is he alive?"  She asked the question quietly, as if she was afraid to break a spell that held them all, and forced her unsteady legs to keep her upright as the man checked the pulse in his neck.

"He's alive...but he's burning up, he needs medical attention."  Carter's own concern was in his words and Gillian found herself finally approaching herself.

As she knelt next to Luka her stomach lurched as her senses were overwhelmed by the smell of filth, unwashed sweat, blood, and who knew what else that covered him...but he was alive.  She reached over to touch his cheek, he was clammy to the touch, but he was alive, nothing else mattered.

"Gillian..we need to go..get Chance."  She heard Carter's voice and found herself looking at him as if only just realizing he was there.  "Charles and I will get Luka...go, before they change their mind."

She didn't want to leave him...didn't he understand that as long as she touched him she knew he was alive?  

"Gillian...now." Carter's voice took on a tone of authority and she knew he was right.  Leaning forward she brushed her lips across Luka's warm skin before reluctantly risingand moving to the girl and her mother.

Everything from that point forward seemed a blur...she wanted nothing more then to be at Luka's side and she found her movements almost robotic as she instead tended to Chance and her mother. Only when they were settled in the back of the truck was she again able to fully relax, only when she held Luka's head in her lap, when she could touch him and know he was really here.  He was bruised...a cut to his jaw, a large bruise surrounding it..blood trailed from his nose, his lip bore traces of having been split.  What else...his face, beneath the filth, she could see the telltale signs of his illness and captivity.  She found herself tracing the even more prominent cheekbones as she surveyed every inch of his face.  His eyes were sunken, the dark circles pronounced, the rawness of the wound on his jaw made her wince and somehow she knew he had endured it all without letting Chance or her mother know the extent of it.

She could feel his ribs as she moved her hand down his chest and as he moaned in complaint she raised his shirt to expose far too many bruises.  She wanted to bathe him, to soothe the wounds with warm water and soft cloths, but that would come later, for now it was enough that he was alive...that he was safe.  There was no way of knowing what would happen between them now, if what they had would remain, she returned to stroking her hair, oblivious to everyone around them.  Luka had found his way into her heart in a way no one else ever had and she would be there for him as long as he allowed her to. She found herself shushing him as a bump elicited another moan, she, who thought she needed no one but herself.  Gillian allowed a grudging smile to form at the acceptance of what she had always denied, even to herself...she was in love, and if she could survive this, she could survive what was to come as well.