Sunday, October 26, 2008

October Prompt 005. What was your best gift ever? /Creative Muses

In a way, my best gift, wasn't really a gift in the conventional sense, but, I can't imagine anything I could ever receive that will mean more.

When I lost my family, I lost more then just my wife and children, I lost parts of who I was. In one day I went from being a husband, a father, and a doctor, to being simply a doctor, and the emptiness I was left with was something I never was able to shake. I could try and tell you what it felt like, but, no amount of words can ever begin to describe the emptiness left after you have buried your children.

In the years I've been at County there have been times when I've found my my need to parent drawing me into relationships that I might not have entered otherwise. At the time they happened, I don't think I even realized what I was doing, however, I do know the pain I felt when they ended and one again I was faced with the loss of children I'd allowed myself to get too close to.

Which brings me back to the gift, how do I begin to describe what I felt when Abby told me she was pregnant with Joe? I knew I wanted that child more then anything I could have wanted in my life, I also knew how she felt about being a parent and how delicate our relationship was at that time. As hard as it was for me to do, I gave her the option of terminating the pregnancy if that was what she felt she had to do. Waiting for her to make that decision was harder than I could have imagined, but, as much as I wanted to once again be a father, I knew I couldn't force her to be a mother unless it was what she wanted too.

Abby did finally make the decision to carry Joe to term, and along with that choice we saw a strengthening of our relationship that eventually led to our marriage. Unfortunately, Joe's birth was a difficult one and left Abby unable to have anymore children, but, I'm okay with that because her gift and what came after have made me whole again, and for that, I'm forever grateful.

No comments: