For One Life 26/38

By J.D. and M. Blais

Chapter 26

Claire matched Luka's pace, slow, still with the slight limp.  His breathing seemed to be coming a little rougher with the exertion though his coughing wasn't bad as it had been only the night before, only brief bursts hitting him every so often.

Finally, as if no longer able to stand the shared silence she looked his way.  "Of course, you could always whack me over the head with one of the crutches," she mused out loud, almost as if she were trying the Croatian words out.

"Not like hitting you in the head would do anything." His words were barely loud enough for her to hear.

"Hasn't done much so far," she said, wryly.

"Hard headed..."  He nodded, before flicking his eyes to her.

"Like you," she observed.

He shrugged and looked down at the path as it got a bit rockier.

"How are my words, so far?"

"Not bad...I can understand you...most people will...little accent problems but people will understand."

"I studied....kind of hard."

"Not too hard...not like English," he answered, wryly.

"Maybe....but I can't always remember the accents...where they go.."

He nodded.  "Like my name, looks like Kovak.  But is Kovach...hard for some people."

"Yes....the c....it's hard to remember if you don't always speak it."

"It's different...easy when you see it written with the accent marks...tells you how to say it."

"That's why I need you to speak it with me."

"Not like the first time when you wanted me to only speak English."

A blush crept up her cheeks.  "I didn't feel like I knew enough....to talk....but I practiced, when I went...when I wasn't with you."

He nodded.  "I knew more English then I let you think..."

"I guessed that....afterwards.  You....really did not want to talk to me."

"I didn't want to talk to anyone.  The nurses told you I'm sure." It was his turn to feel embarrassed at how difficult he had made those early meetings.

"Yes.."  Just like he had, she got more tense as they got closer to the rest of the tents, with more people around.  "I don't...get upset, talking," she said.  "I can always talk...no matter what.  But..."

By the time they reached her tent, Luka was noticeably winded though he hadn't complained, his coughing finally becoming more frequent as his breathing came much
harsher.  He flicked his eyes to her as she held open the tent flap for him. "Thanks."
He shared a brief smile with her before he stepped through the open flap and moved to the bed.  Sitting heavily, he laid the crutches aside before bending to take his shoes
off...using his right to get the left free because of the brace.  As if anticipating the upcoming difficulty Claire knelt to help him take the shoes off, and while he wanted to protest he instead accepted her help. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."  She slid his shoes under his cot then rose with some difficulty, and went to sit on the other cot, gingerly.

He could already feel the ache in his muscles as he eased his leg onto the cot, and it was a relief to have his weight off his legs...giving into a slight cough,  he laid back before closing his eyes as he waited for his breathing to slow.

"Wait...you need the oxygen again.." Anticipating that he would soon be asleep she got up, and moved over to the machine, going to one knee beside it to turn it on.

"Should save it for someone else." He offered the protest without bothering to open his eyes.

"It is here, so you should use it until it is gone."  With some difficulty, she turned it on.  Reluctantly his lids lifted and he looked over to her before pushing himself up on his forearms.  She managed to get it started, and took the clear tubing, moving to sit on the edge of his cot, to loop it around him.

He tolerated her attentions then looked to see if the tin cup still sat on the small table.  "Could I have some water?"  He regretted asking her to do more even as he asked.

"Sure."  She pushed herself off the cot and took up the glass, going to fill it from the pitcher and brought it back to him.

He took it with one hand and took several swallows before handing it back to her. "Thanks."

She nodded, setting it on the bedside table again.  "You're going back to sleep?" she asked, quietly.

"Kind of tired...but I can stay awake.  There was more in the bag from this morning."  He offered the news as he leaned back again.

"The food?" she asked, perplexed.

He nodded.  "If you're hungry that is."

"Okay," she gave in, with a little smile.  Getting up, she walked over and took up the bag, before sitting on the edge of the cot to pull each of the things out, with growing surprise.  "Luka...how did you get all these things?"

He cracked an eye open as he pushed up on one arm.  "Told the food tent they were for you...Marissa says hello."

She held a few of the things in her hands, looking down at them.  "She did?"

He nodded.  "Not sure they believed me at first...thought I wanted it for myself."

"Thank you for trying...for getting all this."

"I showed them I already had mine and then they believed me."

She arranged the contents on her cot, then, after opening a small box, took and slowly ate a couple of the raisins it held inside.  "You look tired," she said.  "You don't have to stay up to talk to me."

"It's okay...not used to doing so much is all...been too lazy."

"You're a patient. You are supposed to be lazy."

"Won't be long and your father will want his tent back..I'll have to move to one of the common ones."

"Angelique wants you back there as well."

"Not sick enough for that...and they need the bed for someone who is."

"Won't you like having your own tent?"

"Not enough tents to have my own...most likely I'll go to one of the one's for single men."

"Well.....even then, you'll be away from us bothering you all the time," she offered, with a brief smile.

Without thinking he slipped his hand in his pocket to finger the picture, the identity of once more being single still not one he was comfortable with.  "Sticking needles in me..."  He offered the addition as a way of masking the thoughts.

She winced.  "I don't stick needles in you...."  Absently, she rubbed her upper leg.

"Your father does..when I'm sleeping."

"Oh."  She looked down at the raisins cupped in her other hand.  "I hate needles."

"Got to get used to them as a doctor."

"I know," she said, with a sheepish laugh.  "I don't mind sticking other people with them...it's when I have to get..."  She struggled for the word, when she was doing so well.  "Sticked?"

"Stuck."  He offered the correction gently...then followed it with a barely suppressed yawn.  "Makes all the difference."

"You can go to sleep," she said, gently.  

"It's okay...if you want to talk."

"Part of me does, but I don't need to," she murmured.  "Mostly, I just don't want to lie down."

He withdrew his picture, flicking his eyes to the images before cupping his hand over it as he lay it on his chest.  "Can sit in the chair..."  He offered the concession.

"I can sit here," she replied, ducking her head.  "I just feel worse when I lie down."

Even quieter he added, "Can lay over here."   As he made the offer he eased over to the far side of his cot.

She paused, surprised he offered it.  "I...."  She swallowed, then said, "I'd just cry on you.  Very messy."  She managed a weak smile.

He offered a shrug, leaving the space there as he moved his picture up by his head and out of the way in the event she accepted.  Feigning disinterest, he closed his eyes, giving her the chance to make her decision without the pressure of his watching her.

Claire set the raisins down, licking her lips a moment in hesitation.  Finally, though, the offer was too much, and she crept over, sliding to lie down on the cot with him she turned so she could face him. Luka didn't immediately open his eyes though he was not yet asleep.  His breathing had yet to fully ease; a slight rattle audible with her so close.  He did however move his arm, the silent invitation there for her to move into the safety of his hold if she wanted to.

She was stiff a moment, but then she slid over, lifting her head so his arm could go under and around her shoulders, and she rested her cheek against the shirt on his chest.  Her shoulders trembled, and as she had warned, she started to cry, almost silently, into the material.

He did what he hadn't thought he could and his arm circled her, holding her tightly before he lifted the other hand to stroke her hair.."Shh...sleep now.."  He whispered to her softly in Croatian.

"I'm scared, too.....of sleeping.." she said, between small sobs, and oddly, she kept speaking in the same language.

"No one can hurt you here..."  He continued to stroke her hair, his words too quiet, and in his mind he knew he had made the same promise before and failed.  Her hand fisted in the shirt material, as she quieted under the stroking, her crying quieting down.   "Shh...shh..."  He whispered to her the nonsense he had whispered so many nights to his daughter as he'd held her, knowing he had used them too for his wife, and gradually he felt her relax.  Only when he was sure she slept did he stop.  And at last, in thestillness of the tent, he allowed himself to fall asleep.

 
To be continued...
 

For One Life 25/38

By M. Blais and J.D.

Chapter 25

Luka rested on the bench outside of the main medical tent, having brushed off Angelique's attempts to look him over.  It was hard for him not to be nervous, and not just due to his worry for Claire.  As irrational as it was, whenever anyone in uniform passed he tensed as if expecting to be confronted by the soldiers demanding still more questioning over all he had seen.  He made no attempts to engage anyone passing in conversation.   Why should he?  All it brought was more reminders of what he had lost.  That he sat here now waiting for Claire to finish inevitably brought back memories of his first meetings with the woman.  Who had thought then that she would become so much a part of his life?   There was slight movement of the door, then Claire slipped outside, closing it behind her.

He glanced up as the door opened, pushing aside the lingering thoughts, then reached for the crutches to pull himself to his feet.  "All finished?"

"Yea," she said, sliding her hands into her jean pockets, almost nervously, with her shoulders hunched.  She looked out across the camp instead of at him.

"You all right?" His tone held the note of concern and the hesitation of not wanting to pry.

Her lips pressed together, her eyes dropping but still not looking at him.  "I don't know....I guess."

"You want to be alone? I can walk you back and go somewhere." He punctuated the offer with a brief cough.

"Not really."  She swallowed, looking back over the camp, at the wan sunlight.  "Walk sounds nice though."

Luka wet his lips, letting his eyes roam the area around them before returning to her. "Okay."

Finally, she looked at him.  "But I don't think that would be ideal for you....maybe I should walk you back to the tent, put you back on the oxygen."

"I'm okay."

"What about your leg?"

He forced himself to look at her and not the people around them.  "It's not too bad," he said offhandedly.  He adjusted the fit of the crutches under his arms.  "I can do it."

Her eyes searched his for a moment, her own tired and strained. "Alright....short walk."

"Where to?"

"I don't know..."  She ran her fingers through her hair.  "Not much to look at around here."

"Could go out to the fence?"  He didn't mention that it was his choice because it meant no people around them.

"Yes..." she said slowly.  "I'd like to go outside the fence.  Can we get around it?"

He nodded in response then began to walk.  It took him a bit to find his pace and his eyes settled on the ground at first as he avoided rocks and such. "I don't know..."  She walked alongside him, with a small limp, much less noticable than his own.  At first he said nothing, giving her a chance to get her thoughts together as well as him a chance to do the same with his own.

"I suppose I shouldn't make you do too much.  I can see later, if there is a way to walk outside it."

He raised his eyes from the ground and looked over to her.  "Not much on the other side but field. I don't even think I knew it was there the other night."  He made the confession quietly.  "I'd just started walking...didn't know where I was going."

"I know."  She avoided the eyes of people passing them, but kept her gaze on the camp at large.  The tents thinned as they walked, slowly but surely, towards the edge of the camp.  "Good thing for you it was there," she pointed out, quietly.

"Maybe."

"It was."  She set her jaw, almost stubbornly.

He lifted his eyes to her again, trying to read her before saying anything. "How long would you have looked?"

"As long as I had to."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to die."

He ran his tongue inside his lips.."I wanted to...after reliving all of it...I thought I could just keep walking and it would all disappear...the fence stopped me."

"I suppose I just had to be selfish then."

He had no answer for her clipped words.  Once they actually cleared the camp, he seemed to visibly relax as if just the idea of there being no one watching him made a difference in his whole posture.  The fence materialized, rickety and sparse, bordering one side.

"I need to start working again tomorrow," she said finally.

He nodded to her statement.  "Where at?"

"I'll be doing the same thing I was before," she said, as they approached it, slowly.  "Helping here and there...running supplies..."

"Be hard to go back.." He said it for himself as well as for her, knowing he wasn't sure he could go back to Vukovar...not with what he had seen, and lost.  He paused as they reached the fence, resting the crutches against itas he caught his breath.

"Yes," she agreed quietly.  One of her hands just touched the fence, although she didn't grasp it.  "Just keep walking....it sounds appealing, doesn't it?"

"Before they found me I was doing that..."  His voice was quieter. "I didn't know where I was even going...only that I had to keep walking until I finally couldn't anymore."

"What did you think you would find?"  She let her eyes roam over the unending fields past the fence.

His eyes drifted to the field and his gaze seemed to unfocus.  "Think...or hope?"

She looked at him.  "I already know.."

"It wasn't there...isn't there.."

"What if..."  she started to say, but then shook her head.  "It will be hard, going back."

"Least you have something to go back to...people who are there for you."

She moved to the fence and rested her arms atop it.  "Yea.." She glanced at him.  "You mention that a lot."  He coughed lightly, then shifted his eyes to her.  "About my having a place to go back to.  People, all that," she continued.

"It's true...isn't it?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It's worse to be alone." His voice grew softer. "To lose everything and everyone."

"Do you think I'm going to tell anyone about what happened here?" she said, quietly.

"You don't have to tell them...they'll still be there."

"People come and go," she answered, vaguely.  "What about your father?"

He looked back over the field and wet his lips.  "I don't know..."

"We should try and find him."

"I'm not even sure where to look," Luka admitted.  "I know where they were...but...he had to leave.."

"We'll try," she repeated, still quiet.  "There are ways."

"I sent a letter after...but I never heard anything back...I don't even know if it found him."

"Maybe it didn't....but you can always write more letters."

"Maybe it's better like this...not knowing." He looked off into the field again.

"Why?"

He rubbed his eyes before answering.  "I don't think I'm ready to know for sure that he might be gone too."

"You can hope that he's still alive."  Claire watched him, still somber.  "Nothing wrong with writing a letter."

"Not yet...not so soon...if it finds someone who knows..."  He shook his head.  "It's better with a little hope..."

"Okay," she sighed.  "But...someday you have to try again."

He nodded slightly and sighed. "Yeah...someday."

She watched him another moment, then said, in his native tongue, "Help me with my Croatian.."

He looked over to her and lifted an eyebrow.

She blinked at his direct look.  "..Please?" she added, unsure.

"Help you what?" He slid easily into his native tongue and the hesitation and halt that was present in his English faded.

"Speak it better," she replied, now the one with the hesitation in her voice.  "We could...speak it from now on....sort of....all Croatian, all the time."  She offered a wan smile.

"Better for me..."  He offered one of the infrequent smiles.  "What about your father?"

"Well....we would have to use English with him," she admitted, although her words in his tongue were slow.  "It's just for...you and me."

"He doesn't speak it at all?"

"Some...he learned..after me."  She struggled for a few of the words.

He nodded and looked up at the sky, frowning at the darkening clouds.  "We better go back before he worries."

Her grip tightened on the fence.  She seemed hesitant.

He settled his eyes on her.  "He's your tata...he won't say anything to hurt you..."

"You can go back," she said, still in Croatian.  "Get some rest.  I'll stay out here a little longer."

He shook his head and shifted his position some. "Bad idea...then I have to explain why I left you here by yourself and he's not my tata."

"He likes you," she protested, her tongue getting better. "He's not going to be upset.  Besides, it's still morning...not the middle of the night.."

"Says you..." Luka answered, repressing another smile.

She frowned a moment, deciphering the syntax. "Ah....yes, I say so."

"Not sure I believe you though..."

"I do not lie," she murmured, her accent a little off.

"Not lie...but if he was mad anything could happen."

She looked at him.  "Anything could happen?"

He shrugged, the slight smile winning out.

Claire sighed.  "You can't let me stay out here?"

He shook his head.  "Nope...like you couldn't let me."

"It's not the same."

He looked over the field.  "It's a place to hide...but it can't change things...or make any of them go away."

"I'm not going to die out here."

"Maybe not outside...but you can still do it inside..."  He stopped, getting far too close to his own truths.

"Do you think...that is what I am doing?"

"Only you know that."

"Is that what is happening to you?"

Luka closed his eyes a moment, then opened them though he didn't look at her.  She always turned those tough questions back on him, but perhaps it was what he needed.  "Yeah...I think maybe...and it's a painful way to go..."

"How do I stop you from doing that?" she asked, very quietly.

Luka stared across the field a moment more, then dropped his eyes to her.  "I don't know."

"Will you tell me when you do know?" she asked, with a sad half-smile.

Would he even try to know?  He looked back out over the field a minute more before answering almost reluctantly.  "Yeah.."

Claire watched him.  "Now I do not believe you."

He forced himself to look at her and repeated her words to him. "I do not lie."

Slowly, she nodded.  "Alright.  Then you have to tell me when you know.  When you know what I can do."

"Guess that means we're stuck with each other awhile.  Ready to walk back?"

She let out a short breath, reluctantly.  "I do not think I have a choice."

He released a rare laugh, then reached for the crutches.  "Nope...not really."

"Now, honestly, I don't think you could actually make me," she teased, grumpily, looking at the crutches.

"Probably not, but I could try."  He pushed off the fence, then settled the crutches under his arms before he turned his back to the fence. It was only when she did the same that he moved away, though he paused to assure himself she was at his side.  Neither said much on the way back, each settling into their own thoughts as they walked.  There would be time for talk later...

To be continued...

For One Life 24/38

By J.D. and M. Blais

Chapter 24

The silence in the tent stretched, allowing the sounds outside the tent to filter in, even here life continued despite what either of them might want.  It was Claire who finally broke the self imposed solitude.

"I do need to go see her today," Claire said, quietly.

"Angelique?"

Instead of answering, she instead asked, "Are you.....going to go, too?"

"Do you want me to?

She was silent a moment, then said, "Angelique would like to see you."

"That's not what I asked you." Luka turned slightly to his side and raised up on his arm so that he could more comfortably watch her.

"Yes," she finally said.

"Then I'll go."  He kept his eyes on her back as he spoke.

She relaxed slightly, although her shoulders remained hunched, as if her arms were kept close to her chest.  "I need to get stitches," she said, very low.

That forced him to sit, and he pulled the oxygen off as he did. "Where?"

Claire heard him move, and half-turned back, enough so he could see her eyes, and the feeling within them.  "Don't take off the oxygen."

He didn't move except to drop his feet to the floor.  It was always an effective threat.  "Where?"

She returned back to her former position.  "On my thigh."

"You showed her?"

"Yes."

That seemed to alleviate some of the worry and he leaned forward to cough.  Without the oxygen there were a few moments of heavily drawn breaths before he grew quiet again.  "Should go now then..."  His words came rougher.

She turned over, looking at him.  "I wish you wouldn't take the oxygen off.."  She swallowed.  "Hearing your cough...it goes right through me."

"I have to take it off to go..."  He leaned forward to retreive his shoes.

"Can we....take just a few minutes?"

"If you want..."  He picked up one shoe and slid the foot of his good leg in it, then laced it before forcing himself to stand so he could put the other on.

"Those shoes fit you better?"

He left it untied as he used the bed and half hopped over to reach the oxygen to turn it off...the crutches still leaning at the foot of the cot.  "Yeah, not so big."

"I'm glad," she said, softly.

He swallowed a cough at the effort and did the half hop back to where the crutches lay then grabbed them before he sat again.

"Wish I didn't have to get stitches....I hate needles," she tried to joke, weakly.

"It won't be so bad..."

"Maybe....it's all in the mind, though."  She sniffed once, then asked, "You really think I am stronger?"

"It's harder to keep going.  Too hard for me..."  He finished the end more quietly.

"I can't let you give up," she said, as if trying to explain it.  "I can't."

"Yeah...so you keep telling me..."  His tone was a tad lighter...a joke from him?

"I'm afraid I'm going to fail."

Luka rubbed his fingers in the corner of his eye.  "I can't make any promises...not yet...there are still  times.."  His voice cracked and he paused before beginning again.  "There are still times when it hurts so bad...that I miss them so much."  He waved a hand in dismissal.  "But I'm trying.  Everything I own consists of a photo of dead people and someone's old clothes...not much to build a life on."

"I know....I know you are trying," she said, low and unevenly. "I want to help...and I feel like I can't help anymore.."

"Why?  Because they took something that wasn't theirs to take?  That doesn't change what you're doing...it makes you different.  Makes you see us differently maybe..."  He wiped his hand over his face, "It's hard to explain."

"I..."  She faltered, then said, thickly, "I've been trying to show you that there is still life worth living out there, and then this happens."

"I know...but it's not your fault."

"How can I help you, when I can't...can't even..." She stopped, turning over again with her back to him.

"Helping me is the last thing you should be worrying about now." Even as he spoke the words he wasn't sure how they might be interpreted by her.

To be continued...

For One Life 23/38

By M. Blais and J.D.

Chapter 23


Luka's sleep was again restless, his thoughts troubled from his conversation with William.  As if that weren't enough, lingering congestion left his breathing raspy, and what little sleep came was soon interrupted by the racking cough throughout the night.  Several times he woke, only to lay in the darkness of the tent envying the other two as they slept, wondering how they could possibly sleep through the noise before he fell asleep again.

Too soon it seemed that trails of light crept into the tent, signifying early morning.  William had slept on the floor, and was seemingly none the worse for wear.  Claire was still sound asleep, and had not stirred all night long, almost too deep a sleep.  As yet another run of coughing roused him Luka pushed up on his arm, looking around the tent as he waited for it to ease.  William had woken, but was simply reading, turned to catch a band of light from the tent opening.    Catching sight of him, Luka cleared his throat. "Morning..."  His voice came hoarse and broken with the greeting.

William set the book down, sitting up.  "Morning."  He looked too alert for this early in the morning.  "What's the status?" he asked.

"Sorry?" Luka looked puzzled by the question.

William gave a mild smile.  "How are you feeling this morning? That's what I meant."

"Like someone is sitting on me."  He coughed in punctuation to his answer.  "You?"

William took a breath, rising from his makeshift bed, and moving over.  He was wearing what looked like sweat pants, loose at the ankles.  "About the same.  So, tightness in the chest?"  He bent to retrieve his bag.  Luka nodded to the question and sat up fully in preparation for what he knew was coming.  William settled onto the stool, and drew out the scope.  He placed it at his ears, and set the scope to his chest.  "Always the last to go," he mused..

"I didn't hear her last night...dreams, I mean."  His voice broke as he spoke.

William paused, ostensibly to listen to his chest, but he didn't seem to be paying attention.  "She woke up a little after you fell asleep," he said, quieter.

"I tried to listen.."  He coughed, a deep and hoarse sound.

William shook his head just a little, frowning as he concentrated on the sounds.  His eyes were unfocused.  "I ended up sedating her.  She wasn't getting any sleep."

"I'm sorry..." He offered the apology, assuming his coughing was responsible  "You going to take her home?"

He flicked his eyes upward, towards him.  "I've thought about it."  He moved the scope to his back.  "Take a deep breath."  Luka drew a strained breath, then coughed from the effort.  "Okay, just a breath will be fine," William amended, and Luka took another, less deeply this time.  William moved the scope a little at a time, pinpointing the different sounds.  Among all the other sounds, Luka's stomach rumbled slightly, evidence to his lack of eating the day before.

After a pensive moment, William removed the scope and set it back in his bag.  "It might not seem like it, but there is some improvement."

"That's good..."

"Do you agree?"

He brushed his hand through his hair, then over the beard growth before shrugging. "Yeah, I guess...the cough's because it's breaking down?"

William nodded.  "Your body is trying to expel the build up."

"Yeah...worse then keeping it."  He managed a small smile. 

William chuckled, low.  "Well, the body does reabsorb some of it.  But yes.  Now... breakfast?"

"I'm okay...I should clean up though..." He looked around for where he had dropped his
clothes in preparation for getting dressed.

"Is that a yes?"  William handed him his pants.

"I'd take tea...know coffee is scarce."  Luka took the jeans then moved his legs to the side of the bed before dropping the pants and leaning forward to ease them on.

William drew on a shirt over his white t-shirt, his movements restrained.  He took the time to pull his thin braid from under the collar, then went to sit on the edge of Claire's cot.  She was still deeply asleep, under the blanket William had put over her the night before.

Using the bed to support him and careful of his bad leg, Luka stood to pull his pants up  then looked for the shirt.  Spotting it at the foot of his cot, he carefully worked his steps to it, the effort more difficult without the crutch.  He watched as William listened to her breathing a moment, setting his fingers to first her head, then slid them over her throat.  She didn't stir at all.

"Better to stay with her."  He pulled the shirt over his head, oblivious to the way it hung on his thin frame.

William set his hands back on his knees.  "Where are you going to head off to?"

He wrinkled his nose a bit.  "Should wash  up some...maybe shave."

William nodded.  "Get something to eat?"

He eyed William as he reached for his shoes, then sat to pull them on before nodding. "Bring you and Claire something back?"

"Would you?"  William seemed surprised that he offered.  "I'm not sure you can manage, with the crutches.."

Luka just nodded, his efforts bringing on a cough but not stopping him as he rose and reached for the crutches. "Have to learn sometime."  Once they were steady under his arms he gave William a half smile and headed for the door.

 

Some twenty minutes later he returned.  Luka pushed the door open, juggling a cotton bag on one side and a metal cup in his other hand.  William had changed into jeans, and seemed to have cleaned up.  He also was wearing his shoes, as if he was ready to go out on rounds.  Luka moved to William and passed the bag to him.
 
William glanced into it and set the bag aside.  "Good job, Luka," he said, approvingly.  Inside a mixture of breakfast items were wrapped and he recognized them from the staff  tent.  Luka's cup, on the other hand, showed the wear of the more populated mess and once he reached his cot and sat, he pulled a chunk of bread from his pocket and lay it aside, content to sip the tea in his cup. Now clean shaven, it appeared he'd made good on his vow to visit the showers as well.  "You were industrious this morning."

Luka had a quick grin, but it vanished as he looked over at the other cot.  Claire was still asleep, but she had obviously moved, coming out of a deeper sleep.  "I had to argue with them to get them to believe it was for you," he added, with a humored sigh in his tone.

William looked surprised.  "You argued with them?" He reached into the bag, pulling out one of the wrapped things.  Luka shrugged, and took another sip, although he couldn't keep the slightly satisfied look from his eye.  William unwrapped the slices of bread, then laid out the rest of the items.  Curious, he looked over an unlabeled can that was marked with permanent ink.  "Are you only going to have the tea?"

"I got some bread..."  Luka indicated the crusty chunk on the nightstand.

William took some utensils from his foot locker, and opened the can.  "Not bad.... peaches.  Want to try it?  Good vitamins."

Luka felt surprise flood his features.  The fruit a luxury he'd not seen in far too many months.  "Should save it for Claire."

"I will...but you could still have a little bit."

"Been a longtime..." Luka admitted.  William set his fork in the can, then handed it over to him.  The younger man set the cup on the small table before taking it, then speared one slice before passing it back.  It dripped slightly from the preservative juice, and the scent was strong, enough to make his mouth hurt slightly.  Luka held the slice as if not sure it was real then took a bite, letting it fully slide down his throat before he took another.  Giving into the rarity of the treat he ate slowly, savoring the sweetness.  As he finished he reached for the tea again. "Thanks."

On the cot, Claire moved, the covers rustling as she tossed a little, starting to wake.
William set the can down on the bedside table, drawing the stool over and sitting on it, evenly between the two cots. The older man gave him a smile, his eyes going between checking on Luka to make sure he ate, to Claire where she was starting to wake up.  "Give Claire some time, she'll find chocolate if it comes into camp.  I think she can smell it out."

Catching William's eye on him he reached for the bread, pulling a small bite off and soaking it in the tea before he popped it in his mouth. "They didn't have any."

Claire blinked, coming awake groggily.  Clearing her throat, she asked, "Did someone mention chocolate?"

Luka glanced to the bed as she woke, his hair still damp from the showers. "No.... chocolate...sorry."  He couldn't help but smile at her instant interest.

William shook his head.  "Sorry, Claire.  How are you feeling?" He was obviously trying to not be too oversolicitious.

She used her elbows to push herself up, her hair tousled, her face still drawn.  "Ugh...my mouth is all fuzzy."

Luka looked between them, confused over the term.  "Fuzz-ee?"

William reached for the can and held it out.  "From the sominex.  Here...peaches."

Claire glanced at Luka, pushing hair out of her face. "Yes....like cotton.  Fuzzy, thick."  She looked at the can in surprise. "Really?"  Luka nodded both his understanding and confirming the peaches, then broke another bite of bread off and dipped it in the tea to soften it.

She took the can, and dipped out one of the pieces, taking time to chew it.  "That does help," she admitted.

William was watching her, although trying to appear as if he wasn't doing so closely.  "I do need to start my rounds soon," he said, reluctantly.

Setting the cup aside, Luka leaned down to unlace the shoe on his braced leg then pulled it off in preparation of bringing the leg back onto the bed.  He untied the other boot and brought his legs back onto the bed, the exercise of the morning having taken more from him then he was ready to admit.  His breathing too was still rattled.  He pulled the bedroll up enough so he was reclining rather then laying flat to compensate for the difficulty in breathing.

Claire paused with the fork still in the can.  "Did you go somewhere, Luka?"

He leaned across to pick the tin cup which held his tea then sat back again with it cradled in his hands, warming them, the bread forgotten where it sat. "I went after the breakfast and took a shower." He brushed his hand back through his hair, lifting still damp bangs off of his face unconsciously.

"Really?"  She looked down at the can.  "How did you manage to get peaches?"

William fiddled with his bag, then busied himself restarting the oxygen for Luka.

"They came from the staff mess tent," Luka said, casually, as if he went there regularly all the time.  "I told them it was for you two, but they weren't sure if they could believe me."

She got an odd look when he mentioned the staff.  "They didn't...ask why we weren't there?"

He steadied the cup as he coughed, then took a sip as it eased. He shifted to Croatian.  "Ja ne shvatiti."  He managed a smile at his creativity.

She smiled, dropping her eyes again to the can, although she only played with the fork instead of eating. 

"I might send you all the time," William murmured, making sure Luka wore the oxygen tube again.  Luka tolerated the placement of the tube, not bothering to voice any protest.  The older man moved over to Claire's cot, and pulled the stool a little closer.  "I've got a lot to do today," he said, quietly.  He obviously wanted to say something different, but simply said, "You two should try taking some walks while it's not raining."

She poked the peaches with the fork, not looking up. "Sure....we can do that."

"Don't waste the food," he chided them both.  "Eat up."

"Don't see you eating it..."  He voiced the complaint quietly but reached for his chunk of bread all the same, then broke another piece off and soaked it in the tea before putting it in his mouth.

William gave him a look.  "You're awfully smart-mouthed for such a skinny kid," he teased, with a smirk.

He looked over at the man.  "Haven't been a kid for a longtime."  Claire oblingingly put one of the peaches in her mouth to avoid arguing, and watched the two of them.

"Compared to me, you are.  Now, eat."

Luka soaked another bite, then chewed it obviously for William's benefit, but took his time in swallowing in concession to the sore throat.

In a move meant to placate them, William took up one of the slices of bread, and found a bit of preserves tucked into a paper envelope in the bag, then spread it on the bread. There were noticable differences in the bread; while Luka's was a grainier farm bread, the slices provided to the staff were softer.  Taking a bite, he chewed for a moment, as he retook a seat on the edge of Claire's cot.  With his free hand, he rubbed her knee.  "Take it easy today," he said.  "Too much moving around, past few days."

Claire looked up, but just nodded, keeping to her quiet eating.

With a final pat, he rose, giving Luka another assessing look before he picked up his bag.  "If you need me, come looking.  I'll be in the med tent most of the day, I figure."

"Okay." He took another bite while William was in the tent to placate him.

Claire nodded, again, lowering her eyes.  She rested the can on one of her knees.  William took his bread and left the tent, the flap falling down behind him.

"There's oatmeal in there..."  He motioned to the bag on the table beside Claire's cot.
"You could add the peaches."

She lifted her eyes to the abandoned bag, then looked at him. "Want any more yourself?  I don't think I can take the whole can."

"Save it for later...I'm really not that hungry."

"Are you sure?  They wouldbe good for your throat."  She stirred the fork.  "They taste heavenly...I just can't eat too much fruit on an empty stomach."

"I had some...before you woke up."

"Ah."  She managed a smile.  "Testing them out for me?"

"Your father was sharing."

Her smile faltered a little, and she set the can aside, on the small table between the cots. 

"What'd I say?"

"It's not that.." she started.  After a pause, she said, "He knows, doesn't he?"

He looked over at her, debating a moment, then nodded.  "He won't say anything, I don't think.  I didn't tell him..neither did Angelique."

"Say anything?"  She sighed, sliding down on the cot again.  "He was the only one I didn't want to know.  I don't care if he says anything now."

"You have to see her today..."

She didn't look over but nodded slowly.  "Who told him?"

"One of those with you...not sure if he meant to.  But he's your father...you're still his child..."  He swallowed before he could continue.  "He only wants to be there for you. Nothing hurts worse then seeing your child in pain, and knowing you can't do anything but be there for them."

She was quiet, absorbing his words, although she simply looked up at the roof of the tent.  "He shouldn't have to know about things like that," she finally said, low.

"He's your father...none of it will matter except that you are here now," Luka insisted.

"It does matter," she said, resting her forearm over her eyes, obscuring them.  "It's always going to bother him."

"Not knowing would be worse," he warned.  "He would know something was wrong and imagining is worse then knowing the truth."

"I don't think you could imagine..." she said, her voice thick, although she let it trail off.

"He's been working here long enough to have seen it all, Claire.  He knows how bad it can get.  You're alive...and that's more then many of the women they get their hands on can say."

She didn't answer for a moment, then finally, "I understood what you meant before, kind-of."

"Kind of?"

"About wanting to be dead."  It was a quiet response.

He leaned over to set the now empty cup and the remaining bread on the table, feeling a cold chill.  "You still feel like that?"

She shifted her arm a little.  "Yes and no.  Not like it was while....it was happening.  I kept thinking, why don't they just shoot me and be done with it.  And then, after.....I was grateful, but not that I survived....grateful that they didn't take the supplies."

"It's about the power...the control," Luka ventured, hoping that she would see it wasn't so straightforward a thing.  "That's why they do it to women...and children.  The men they shoot...because far too many are like me and with their families gone, they don't care if they die."

"Well....at the time, I didn't care."

"I can't say I know what that's like...I don't."

"Be glad," she said, very low.

"I know when I was shot I thought I would just stay there, let them catch me and finish me...but I promised someone I would get out of the city..so I got up.  Afterward...I wished I had stayed...so I wouldn't see what I did."

"But you came here," she murmured, moving her arm so she could rub her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"No...I had given up," he protested.  "A couple of the drivers found me unconscious in a ditch near the road, they brought me here.  I begged Angelique to let me die."

"You gave up?"  Her voice was rusty.

"I was tired...hungry, in pain.  I knew I couldn't keep running, so I thought if I just went to sleep...it would all go away and I could be with my family again.  Maybe that makes you stronger then me."

"Why?" she asked, thickly. 

Because you didn't quit," he said, softly.  "You came back..you went right to work...I gave up."

"I wanted to pretend," she said.  The words were just as soft. "Pretend that it hadn't happened."

"It's hard to do..it comes in your sleep, when you want it to stay away."  His voice was more distant and it was hard to tell if he was speaking for her or himself.

She rolled on the cot, facing away from him, her shoulders hunched.  He raised up a bit to ease the coughing that hit him, then lay back again, watching Claire's back but saying nothing as he gave her time to think.

To be continued...

For One Life 22/38

By J.D. and M. Blais

Chapter 22

The tent had darkened considerably with a fresh storm rolling in and Luka rolled to his side, drawing the blanket over his shoulder to compensate for the chill.  The sound of his breathing was rougher despite the oxygen and he only half slept as he listened for Claire to make any sounds or for William's return.  William came into the tent, pushing back one of the flaps.  There was a tenseness to his shoulders, a deadly seriousness that hadn't been there when he had left.  At the sound of the rustle he opened his eyes...pushing himself up on his arm and forcing a cough to rise.  William paused, looking him over, his eyes dark and fathomless.  He didn't say anything yet, just moved over to check the oxygen level and set his bag down.

"Something wrong?"  Luka's voice came rough but quiet.

He seemed very faraway, almost like he was holding himself in check.  "What did Angelique say about how you were doing?"  He drew the stool over, but didn't sit on it yet.  He glanced to Luka, his voice low and modulated.  "She did come to the tent, didn't she?"

He coughed..then forced himself to sit...drawing the blanket around him as he did.  "She didn't..."  He coughed again, almost doubling himself over before it eased.  "I went after her." He flicked his eyes to Claire then back to her father.  "For Claire, I thought she might be more willing to talk to a woman."

William looked away from him, picking up his bag and setting it on the table so he could withdraw a few things.  "And..?"

He coughed again..as he shook his head.  "I don't know, I left them alone..."

"Did Angelique do the exam?"  He started replacing some of the dimished gauze in his bag from supplies.

"What did she say?"

"Do you always answer questions with another question?" he asked with a deceptively mild tone.

That he was torn over what to reveal was obvious and as a way of avoiding he let a particularly strong attack of coughing delay his response.

William sighed, although it was strained, and went over to adjust the oxygen.  "Are you still taking the anitvirals?"

"Only what you gave me.  I'm sorry...I said it was hers to tell."  He leaned back slightly trying to draw more of the oxygen into his lungs.

William adjusted the prongs, then retrieved a small medicine bottle from his bag, and poured a cup of water.  "Someone else saw Angelique come to the tent, and they saw you outside while she was here. " he said, evenly.  He shook two capsules out into his hand, and offered them to Luka.

He tolerated the attentions...though he couldn't help the feeling of betrayal he felt over not sharing everything.  Raising up he took the pills.

William held out the cup, silently. "I'm not....angry with you," he finally spoke, although it had a deeply strained sound to his tone.

He eyed them a minute then put them in his mouth before taking the water and drinking.  "It's my fault...you can blame me."

"What is your fault?"

"If she hadn't started seeing me...brought me here...she wouldn't have..gone..."

The muscles in William's jaw tightened a moment, but despite the flash of something in his eyes, he said, quietly, "You don't know that."

He lay back with a resigned sigh..."No one is...safe around me...better I go."  He started to lift his hand to the tubing as if he was going to remove it as he sat up.

"Luka."  William sat down on the edge of the cot, as if a great weight were on his shoulders.  "I'm asking you....not to go." His voice was very low, and sounded tired, hollow.'

"It'll be better...I make too much trouble for everyone."

William smoothed his hand over his eyes.  "You're wrong....and I'd like it if you stayed."

"She needs you...I'm just...in the way." He did lay back again though he still protested.

"She doesn't want me to know," William pointed out, his shoulders tight.  He didn't look at Luka.  "One of the men who had gone with her, he was the one who saw Angelique come here."

"He knows?"  His question was followed by coughs that forced him to sit until they eased.

William was quiet for a long moment. 

"How could they just watch?"  His question was so quiet it might not even have been meant to be voiced aloud.

William cleared his throat, quietly.  "As I suspected, there were guns involved."  After a moment more, he said, "He told me he was glad she finally spoke up."

Luka swallowed..."So...they chose their lives over hers..."  He fought the emotion in his voice knowing he would have sacrificed himself had he been there in hopes he could reunite with his family.

The lines along William's arms stood out in relief, as if he was ready to spring up and move, but he remained where he was.  "You never know what someone might do in that situation," he finally said, although it sounded rote.

"I do...there are.."  He drew a ragged breath.  "There are worse things then dying."

William took a short breath, then indicated he wanted to see how the leg was wrapped.  The need to do something was clear in his expression.  "He told me all of it," he said, after another pause.

Luka nodded...pulling aside the blanket to reveal the bare leg..

"That's why I had asked you about the exam."  He slid his fingers under the bandage and tested it, but still didn't look up at Luka. "I can't ask anyone else."

He nodded..then looked to Claire and back before lowering his voice.  "She's going to see Angelique again tomorrow."

"Angelique won't tell me anything either," he said, noncommitally.  "But I suppose that is something."

He swallowed a fresh cough..."Maybe she needs time...before she can talk...like I did."

"Be that as it may..."  He readjusted the blanket over his leg. "I'd prefer it if you stayed here for a little while longer.  Let's say that...I need you to."

He nodded.."There are things I haven't told...even to the soldiers."  The confession came quietly.

William had to clear his throat again.  "You know you can talk to me...."  He smiled, weakly.  "Be nice if someone did."

He drew a ragged breath as he rubbed his eyes.  "Doesn't change it...to talk about it...but those are the things that come in the nightmares..."

"I see.  Well, if it will help."  William glanced at him.  "I know it would help distract me.  I..."  He let his voice trail off, rubbing at his chin a moment.

"I don't know if anything can help..."

"It's not that."  One of his hands made a fist on his knee. "I'm trying to keep from going after that volunteer that told me all about it."

"I know...after my family..."  He stopped himself from saying more then restarted.  "I wanted to become a soldier...I wanted to kill all of them...to make them all of them pay."

"And now?" he asked, quietly.

"I don't know...sometimes I wish they would find me...finish me...I almost let them...but I promised someone to get out."  He squeezed his eyes closed to stop the tears he knew were close withthe knowledge that the man was likely dead now as well.

"Do you still want to be a soldier?"

"I don't know what I want..."  He let his eyes settle on the man..."I want someone to pay...but I know it won't change anything.."

William nodded his acceptance of that, putting a hand on Luka's shoulder.  "Yes...I need to remember that as well."

"No matter how many I would kill they would all still be dead." He leaned his head to the man's arm...a silent acceptance of the contact.  "At least you still have her...it's more then I have."

William smoothed a hand over Luka's hair.  "Maybe," he started, quietly, "maybe this is why it was so important that I meet you."  He said it more to himself than anything.

He stifled half a cough but said nothing..letting his own fatigue draw him to it again.

"Alright," he murmured, quietly.  "It's late.  You should be sleeping."

He nodded.."So should you...no beds left though..."

William smiled, although it was worn.  "I can always take the floor."

"I can sleep on the floor." He drew back from William's touch.  "Slept worse places."

William shook his head.  "Not until the last of the cough is gone."

Luka settled his eyes on him weighing his chance of arguing then conceded without a fight as he lay back.

William actually smiled.  "I see you are giving in more often where Claire and I are concerned."

"Can't win..." His words came with the hint of drowsiness signalling the approaching sleep.

"You're wrong," William said, very quietly, drawing the covers up.  "You've won us over, pretty much."

If Luka heard he didn't comment, his eyes having closed so the dark lashes rested against the bruising under his eyes. William remained at his side until the silence of the darkening room was broken only by the wheeze of his breathing and the whisper of the oxygen. 

To be continued...

For One Life 21/38

By J.D. and M. Blais

Chapter 21

"Dr. Northstar?"

Luka eased his grip, enabling him to draw the blanket fully over himself as William turned to the door at the sound of his name.  Another older doctor, this one English, poked his head in the  door when William gave his assent.  "I could use your help just a mite...have a few difficult cases coming in.  Do you have the time to spare?"

William rose, pulling off the glove.  "Claire, why don't you help Luka rewrap that?" 

Luka kept his eyes on the stranger a moment longer..not sure how he would react to his presence in the Northstar's tent.

The other doctor smiled, toothily.  "Thanks...I appreicate it. I'll have him back in a jiff," he said, throwing off a quick salute to Claire and Luka.

Claire didn't react, just staying where she was on the edge of the cot.

"If you can get me the bandages I can wrap it."

William eyed them both before stepping out. As silence fell over the tent, Claire bent down and retrieved the bandages from William's bags. "Did he check the entry site?" she asked, almost listlessly.

He was already sitting up and exposing the leg again as she moved away.  "No...it's probably okay though."

"Probably doesn't work in medicine, Luka.  Let me see it."

He released an exasperated sigh and reluctantly turned away from her..revealing the back of his leg before he fixed his eyes on a random stain on the tent wall in front of him.

She took another pair of the latex gloves from her father's bag and pulled them on, almost like a habit, then tested the entry wound with her fingertips.  Her touch was very careful, more hesitant than her father's.  Her forehead felt hot, so she paused to wipe it with her forearm.

He bit his lip at the touch and the muscle tensed, but he made no sound with it.

"It does seem to be fine," she said, absently.  "None of the looseness you can feel in a lot of entry wounds."

"Was worse before...you can go lay down..I can wrap it myself."

She gestured for him to relax.  "Already sitting up....anyway, bullet wound is a hell of a lot better than knife wounds, when it comes to the leg."

He shifted onto his back again before sitting up. "I really can do it...you should rest"

"I don't want to rest," she almost snapped, then was instantly contrite, closing her eyes.  "Sorry.  Just...wrap it and I'll check it."

He tore open two gauze packets and lay the contents aside as he picked the roll up.  "Just thought you looked tired..."  He dropped his eyes to his leg..placing the gauze at the back as he began wrapping then doing the same to the front wound as he reached it...lastly circling the thigh several times to hold them in place.

"Make sure you don't do it too tightly."  She stayed where she was, like she couldn't move very far.  "You always look tired too, you know."

Once he was finished he tied it off...looping the end under one layer then knotting it.
He raised his eyes to her..."I dealt with worse then this in Vukovar."

She tested it with her fingertips.  "Are you saying I can't handle it as well as you?" 

"It's not a game...no winners here."

She set her jaw, removing her fingers from the wrap.  "I didn't say it was."

He lay back..only to set another coughing barrage into motion and quickly raised up."
He reached behind his back...bunching the blanket under him slightly.

"You should be back on oxygen."

"You should be in bed."

She lifted her eyes to him.  "No sleeping isn't going to kill me."

"I'll go back on the oxygen if you go back to bed."

Claire lifted an eyebrow.  "Are we back to that game again?"

He coughed a little more harshly.  "I guess so."

She eyed him, her look suspicious.  "Go on the oxygen first."

"I don't think so."

She tilted her head.  "I can't help you with the oxygen if I'm in bed already."

"Turn it on..then get back in bed." His voice came a little more hoarse as he offered the compromise.

"You can adjust it on your own?"

He simply looked at her.  "Yes."

She looked like she would protest again, but after a pause, she leaned over to turn the machine on.  Her fingers slid down the side and turned the equipment on, but stretching out made her yelp suddenly, and she drew her arm back to her chest, her other hand sliding over her ribs.

"What's wrong?  He immediately sat up...ignoring the cough that broke at the action and his own spasm of pain.

"It's nothing," she said, through clenched teeth.  "Look, it's on.  Hold up...your end..of the bargain....put it on."  She hunched over, her hand still pressed to her ribs.  She had
closed her eyes.

"Yeah...right..."  He reached to touch her side..."Drop your arm."

"No!" she said, retreating a little further down the cot.  "Put the damn oxygen on."

He frowned...then as she moved away forced his leg off the bed...making the move to stand despite the consequences.. "If you won't let me I'll get your Father."

She took a few breaths, reopening her eyes and relaxing the tightness of her shoulders a little.  "What are you doing?  Luka!"

He groaned as he put weight on the leg...the crutches out of reach. "I'm not playing games."

She started to stand up, but had to hunch back over and sat on the cot again.  "Fine, fine....just sit down."

As she agree he did as she had asked..the muscles in his leg spasming
slightly.  "Move back down here and let me see."

"Put the oxygen on first," she said, looking at him through one eye.

"I'll just get your Father."  He pushed himself up off the bed..ignoring his half dressed state as he used the cot to steady himself and worked his way around it.

"Oh, for....fine!"  She nearly shouted it, then moved her arm. In one swift movement, she yanked her shirt up and over her head.  She was wearing a bra, but there was a large, blossoming bruise that started at the lower edge of her ribs and extended up under the edge of her bra.

Reaching the end he grabbed his jeans and fumbled them on at the same moment she agreed.   Then cussed softly in Croatian at the sight of her injury.

"There, now we're both going for half-dressed," she said, shutting her eyes again and putting her hand over the bruise.

He reached for the crutches.  "I'm going after your Father."

"No!"  She started to rise off the cot, and reached for him with her other hand.  "You can't...."

He finished fastening his pants then reached for his crutches, with them to steady him he started for the door."

Her eyes were panicked.  "Luka.....don't get him.  Please."

He stopped as she reached for him.  "I have to."

"No, you don't."  She managed to stand, taking deep breaths.  She still kept one hand over the bruise.  "The ribs aren't broken, I already checked.  There's nothing that can be done."

"Could be inside damage.  You need X-Rays."

"Internal."  She corrected automatically.  "If there was, there would already besigns."  She took another breath.  "I've been watching for anything to indicate internal bleeding.
It's just the bruise."

He looked between her and the door...his loyalty obviously torn over what to do.

She trembled a little.  "I don't want anyone seeing it.  If you go and get him, then I'm leaving.  You won't be able to return before I'm gone."

It didn't come from the tent..."  He stated the fact quietly. "That's why."

"And what difference is it going to make?" she asked, in a near whisper.  "What do you think can be done now?"

"If you won't let me tell your Father...you have to let me do the exam...all of it." His tone left no room for negotiatian.

Her eyes widened.  "You're....not in any condition...to do that."

"Me or him....or I tell Angelique."  The third compromise was added after a momentary delay.

She closed her eyes.  "What are you trying to prove?"

"That you're all right...no..you'll never be all right again...but this happened because of me...and I have to know that nothing else is wrong."

Two tears slipped out from under her closed eyes.  "Nothing else is wrong," she insisted.

He trembled slightly...his own fear and weakness mingling together as he stood there.
"Let me do the exam...or someone else can...if you're worried, you won't be my first."

"I don't want..." she started, before swallowing.  "I just don't understand the point.  I survived, didn't I?"

"Physically...but things could still be wrong...there are things to look for."

"I know...don't you think I do?  I know what to look for."

"Let me get Angelique...let her do it.  You can trust her, I trust her..."

She moved slowly, sitting down on her cot, her hair falling forward as she leaned over.

"It won't be long..."

"I don't know..." she whispered.

"You have to be seen by someone..."

"She'll tell Poppa.  I don't want him to know."

"No one else has to know.  I'll tell her...no file."

She lifted her eyes.  "She'll tell him..."

He shook his head.."No..I don't think so.  Let me get her."

She lowered her eyes again, her shoulders trembling.  "Poppa will be back soon."

He shifted the crutches..."Then I need to hurry."

"Luka....do you have to?"

He started for the door..then turned and walked back to her...handing his picture to her.  "I'm leaving this with you...I'll get it when I come back..my word to tell no one else..on their memories."

Her fingers shook a little as she took the picture, carefully.  Looking up at him, she seemed confused.  "You'd....leave it here?"

"I trust her...I trust you."

As she looked at him, a few more tears slipped unheeded down her face.  "Okay..."

He turned and headed for the door before he changed his mind..the panic at walking away already registering if he proved wrong in his reading of her.  He disappeared out the door...five minutes...ten minutes...fifteen minutes and the flap rustled..the older woman came in with Luka not far behind her...she carried her own medical bag.  "Claire?"

She was still sitting in the same position....in fact, she was holding the picture just as carefully, as if it were a bomb and she knew moving would set it off.  Her eyes hadn't moved from it either, and she hadn't wiped any of the tears away either.

Angelique moved over beside her..taking a seat beside her and folding her arms around her like a mother holding a child...

Without answering Angelique, she turned and held out the picture to Luka.  "H-here.  I didn't lose it."  She didn't seem to register the hug, just kept her eyes on the photo.

"Shh...she whispered to her in French...nonsense meant to soothe for a few minutes..

"I didn't lose it," she repeated, quieter.

He moved over to take the picture back..then retreated again. "I knew they were safe with you." He offered quietly before he slipped out the door, leaving the two women alone.

She managed a nod before he left, then closed her eyes, seemingly wilting into Angelique's embrace.  A long while passed, an easy forty five minutes, before
Angelique made her way outside the tent.  "Luka?  Are you well?"  She said it the way others said okay, rather than meaning non-sick.

He was leaning on one off the posts nearby...looking a bit shaky but holding his own.
"Better I think."

She moved over to regard him closely, although she smiled, motherly.  "You are looking better now, oui."

"She going to be okay?"  He asked the question very quietly.

She took a breath.  "I believe so....there is some pelvic tenderness that is bothering me, but she agreed to come to the medical tent tomorrow for more testing.  Her ribs are not broken, but are definitely bruised."

He nodded..."I told her only you would know...she doesn't want her Father to worry."

"It's understandable," she said, in her lilting voice.  "She is very loyal and protective of her father...she does not like to see him upset.  I would take her to the main tent right now, but he is still there, and will wonder if I do that."

He nodded..."Is she sleeping?"

Angelique tilted her head slightly.  "She is lying down, but I do not know if she is sleeping yet.  She said she is not supposed to take anything because of her concussion."

"Unless you agree..."

The older woman shifted her grip on the medical bag.  "As long as she rests, I dont see the need yet to prescribe anything.  She still has some lingering shock too."

He nodded..."Should I leave her alone? I could move to a tent..."

"It's really up to you, Luka.  She does seem to trust you, however.  And your moving might alert William that something more is wrong."

"I didn't think of that."  He released a breath and a cough .."I'll stay
then..."

"It would serve twofold.  You can keep an eye out for things that others may miss."
She rested her hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.    "You are a good friend," she murmured.

"Thanks for coming."

"Of course.  And try to keep her from moving around too much.  She has several actual cuts that are bothering me...moving seems to aggravate them."

He pushed off the post as she spoke.  "Cuts?"

"On her thigh.  Only her right, for some reason.  If they don't start closing properly, I may stitch them."

"She didn't tell anyone."

Angelique nodded.  "She believed it would go away if she didn't speak of it....common reaction.  Also.."  She smiled a little.  "Claire always struck me as a fairly stubborn woman."

"I should have seen the signs...I've seen it before..."

She made a clucking sound with her tongue, reassuring.  "You've had a lot to concern yourself with, mon chere.  And someone like a med student knows how to hide those signs."

He released a breath.  "I should go inside..before her Father comes back and wonders what is going on."

Angelique glanced around.  "A good idea.  I will see you soon....oui?"

"Thanks again..I'll makesure she is there tomorrow." He gave the woman a rare smile before turning and heading for the tentflap.  Claire was lying on her cot again, but facing into the room rather than at the tent wall as he entered.  Her eyes were open, but dry, with no indication that she had cried before.  Angelique had apparently helped her
put her shirt back on, but her shoes were sitting neatly on the floor.

"You going to lay down?"  He moved over to the cot...switching the oxygen back on as he had agreed he would before sitting.

For a moment, it looked like she hadn't heard him, then she shifted her eyes to look at him.  "You going to put that oxygen on?"  If her tone wasn't so quiet, it might be teasing.

"I said I would."

"So you did," she said, quietly.

He drew a breath and eased the pants off...forgoing his earlier efforts at modesty due to his own growing fatigue.  As he sat on his own cot he fished his picture out of the pocket before dropping the jeans into a pile next to it.   That done, He coaxed his leg up and covered himself before finally slipping the tubing over his head and adjusting it.

Her eyes were still open, but she seemed oblivious to his changing, like she didn't see what was right in front of her.  After a moment, she said, very low, "Did she talk to you?"

"Only to tell me to watch a couple things...I said she wouldn't tell."

"Watch a couple things?"  She shifted, sliding her hand up under her head.

He lay back..only to cough then sat up to bunch the blankets again so he was only half reclining. "Yeah..shock mostly.  You should rest..."

She absorbed that, drawing her knees up slowly.  "Luka?" she said, very low.

"Yeah?"  His voice came equally subdued.

She was quiet for a while, as if she'd forgotten what she was going to say.

He tucked his picture near his head.

She closed her eyes.  "Thanks," she finally murmured, faintly.

"You're welcome..."  He lay his head on his arm...settling his eyes on the picture as he listened to her breathing across the room.  Only when he was sure that she was asleep did he allow himself to consider the same luxury, and within moments of it being given he too was asleep.

To be continued...

 

For One Life 20/38

For One Life

By M. Blais and J.D.

Chapter 20

Claire had apparently fallen asleep, as she was silent so long, and an hour passed.  The tent flap moved, quietly, and William stepped in, his hair a little windblown, and he was squinting in the change in light.  With the rustle of the flap as it opened, Luka glanced up.  Seeing William, he slipped the picture he still held in his hand, back in his pocket.  The older man's eyes went immediately to Claire, then to Luka, and he stepped all the way inside, letting the flap fall back down.  "Still asleep?" he mouthed, gesturing to his daughter.

"She was awake, said she was dizzy.  Her one eye is slow to the light, too."  He kept his voice low so as not to wake Claire as he updated her father.

William nodded, and stooped over Claire's form, moving her hair out of the way a moment so he could see her face.  He touched her cheek, which she didn't respond to.  "Did she say she was in a lot of pain?" he asked, curiously.

"Some.."  Luka reached for the bottle of pills and held them up. "She wanted to take these..I thought she should wait for you to okay it."  As he spoke he forced himself to sit back up, then eased his braced leg off the cot again.

William straightened, rubbing his index finger and thumb together.  "She's been crying," he observed, before taking the bottle and checking the label.  "Yes, I'd like to keep any drug interactions to a minimun."

"I didn't know, I should have had someone go find you."  He mentally chastized himself for not doing just that.

William shook his head.  "Sounds like you did just fine.  You checked her eyes and all....that, plus she awoke on her own.  All good signs." He set the bottle aside.  "How are you feeling?"

"My knee is throbbing, but I can handle it."

"Are you sure?"  William smiled, touching the bottle with his fingers.  "You can take a few of these, if you want.  No more than two, however."

Luka waved his offer off with a shake of his head.  "Better save them for someone who really needs them."

"You may be that person," he pointed out, pulling his stool over.  "Still coughing?"

He nodded. "Some."

"Here, let me see the leg....about time for some rewrapping, considering movement and all."

He eyed first William, then Claire before reluctantly pushing himself to his feet, keeping his weight on his good leg as he unfastened the belt, then his jeans. After easing them down, he sat again, pulling the thin blanket across his lap once he was settled.  William helped him when necessary, as Luka braced his hands on the cot, then drew his lower lip between his teeth in anticipation of uncovering the pained knee.

William slid his fingers under the wrappings and started to unwind them around.  "Is the movement any less stiff now?"

"Hard to tell with the splint...I just know the knee is hurting.  Just thought it was from all the walking and everything."

William removed the two makeshift boards, setting them aside. After all that time bandaged, they were bent a little outwards. Setting them aside, he took off the remainder of the wrappings until it was completely exposed.  Luka let his eyes drop to the knee, regarding it critically as he waited for the man to comment on it.  William placed his fingers on either side of the knee, testing the ligaments. "What do you think?" he asked.

There was a quick intake of air with the initial touch, even though he thought he was ready for it, and then through clenched teeth he offered, "Not so bad."

William smiled.  "Your face doesn't say that."  He took Luka's hand and placed the fingers on either side of the knee.  "Here...feel for the ends of the ligaments.  Then feel for the knotty tissue where they were originally attached.  See how there is growth there?"

He swiped his tongue across his lips, then watched and did as asked.  "Yeah..."

"You can tell when something needs surgical help on joints by learning the feel of these ligaments, and the cartilage around them."

"It'll be okay?" Despite efforts to conceal it, his voice betrayed him, wavering slightly with residual fear as he questioned the man.

William nodded.  "It's already reattaching, and as far as I can tell, no more than a few centimeters from the original site.  Now, to speed the new growth, that's why we keep it wrapped so tightly, and restrict movement."  Luka nodded, wincing slightly as he fingered the knee himself, trying to note the differences that were being pointed out to him.  William drew two new flat sticks from his bag.  "You should practice on yourself like that....gives you a real feel for it."

"The swelling still looks pretty bad..." Luka couldn't overlook the fact that one knee was almost double the size of the other.

William shook his head.  "It's misleading.  You see, a knee is almost all bone...not much around it but the ligaments.  All swelling looks bad on the knee.  The same swelling you wouldn't notice as much say....on an arm, maybe a shoulder."

He offered a nod of understanding even though he was having his own doubts.  "Okay..."

"Ready for rewrap?"

Luka drew a breath, then took hold of the edge of the cot.  His hands tensed slightly for the anticipated pain.  "Yeah."

"Do you want to try doing it?"  William chuckled.  "I don't usually encourage self-treating, but you are a student.."

"I guess..."  He released the his hold on the cot with the acceptance.

"Come now, Luka...show some enthusiam.  Not often you get to see a good ligament tear out here."  His face was serious, but his eyes twinkled.  Luka raised his eyes to the older man, not quite sure how to take the teasing, and William added, "Take your lessons where you can find them, Luka.  Remember that."

"Yeah..."  He took the offered bandage and drew a breath before beginning to wrap the knee again.

"Wait, wait.."  He held out the two sticks.  "Make sure these anchor it."

"Right...I forgot.." He set the loose end aside and tucked one of the sticks between the layers only to repeat the action with the second. He drew a slight breath with the added pressure but didn't seem to be cutting himself any slack on the tightness of his wrapping despite it.

"Slowly.....make sure it has room to circulate, and let the swelling ease.."

He nodded, loosening the last couple rounds before finishing.

"There....now, test the give with your fingers."

Luka lifted his eyes from his task to the elder doctor, looking a little puzzled.  "Give?"

William slid his fingers barely under the wrap.  "Pull on it...see if it moves.  If it gives.  See?"

"Oh...okay..."

"We're going to change the dressings on the bullet wound next."

"All right..."  He swallowed then eased himself back onto the cot, stretching the leg out flat on it.

"I want your help on this one too."  William unwrapped the bandage a little faster on this one.  Luka complied silently, aware of how it had looked only a few days earlier.  William leaned forward, peering at it a little.  Casually, he took a pair of gloves from his bag, and handed one of the two to Luka.  Then he slipped the other one on his own right hand.  The younger man took the glove, not sure what he had in mind, then pulled it on.  "Alright now...with an entry wound--"  William started, before he was interrupted by a faint moan from the other cot.

At the sound Luka shifted his attention to Claire, then back to William.  "See to her."  Even as he spoke, he reached for the blanket to cover himself modestly.

William nodded.  "Don't rewrap that yet."  He rose and went to the other cot, as Claire rolled over onto her back.

Luka nodded, though he did drape a piece of the bandage on the wound to shield it from the blanket contact.

William perched on the edge of her cot, as she started to sit up, blinking.  "Hang on there," he murmured, pushing her back down.  "Let me look at you."

"Poppa?" she asked, her voice rough.

With William to the other side of the tent, Luka lay back, closing his eyes with a sigh as he gave in slightly to the pain he had been trying to avoid acknowledging.

"How is your head?"

Claire groaned.  "It feels like someone was beating on me as I slept...sure it wasn't one of you two?"

"I prefer to wait until you are awake to pick on you, thank you very much," William said, archly.  "Open your eyes."  Luka did the same as Claire was ordered to, opening his eyes as he turned slightly to his side to watch them.  He managed no more than a muted groan to mark the effort.  William gently put his fingers under her chin, tilting her head back as he looked into her eyes critically.  Her lips tightened automatically, but she let him check, even following his finger when he asked with her eyes.

Releasing a cough before speaking, Luka propped himself up on his elbow to ease it.  "Any change?"

"Some," William said, slowly.  He moved his hand to test the bruise on her forehead.  She closed her eyes tightly as he touched it.  "Good....seems like any internal swelling has started to ease."  Leaning over the side of his own cot, Luka snagged the discarded jeans from the floor.  William diverted his eyes a moment, catching the action from the corner of his eye.  "Hey, I'm not done with you yet."  He smiled at Luka.

"I know."  He fished his picture from the pocket, then sat up enough to toss his jeans to the foot of the cot before leaning back on one arm again.

Claire reopened her eyes.  "Can I please have something for my head now?"

William sighed, leaning back.  "Any dizziness?"

She started to shake her head, then stopped.  "..No."

"Any nausea?" William continued to question his daughter as he worked.

She started to sit up, watching to see if he'd stop her. "No.."

"Hmm."  William rubbed at his jaw with his ungloved hand, then said, "What do you think, Luka?"

"She said she was earlier." He pointed to the bucket by the bed.

"True...let's give it a few hours, Claire," William said, trying to be sympathetic.  She sighed, her shoulders slumping, as she rubbed her head with her hand.  "Alright, back to wound number two," he said, almost cheerfully, scooting his stool over to Luka's cot.  "Between the two of you, I'm getting a lot of work," he added.

Luka lay back himself, only to start coughing with the position  then forced himself back to the semi-upright compromise.  It seemed as if he could never get comfortable.  "I can go back to the medical tent...you have enough to worry about here."

"Is that what you want?" William asked, testing his glove again and leaning over the cot.  "It shouldn't be about Claire...she's going to be fine, I think."  He gave his daughter a smile.

"I don't want to make anymore work for you."

William made a tsking noise.  "So you'll make me walk all the way to the medical tent?  Not very nice for one of my assistants.  Let's see that leg."  Obediently, Luka rolled back onto his back, and pulled the blanket aside, a cough immediately following the action as he was once more flat on his back, like clockwork.  William leaned forward, examining the edges.  "Do you mind if Claire sees it as well?"

He boosted himself up on his elbows to watch, easing his breathing before answering.
"No.."  Modesty accompanied his permission and he arranged the blanket so it would cover a bit more skin as he agreed.

"Claire."  William said it like an order.  She rose from the cot, pushing her hair back.  Carefully, she sat on the edge of his cot, using her hands to steady herself.  "What do you see here?" he said, his gloved fingers pressing at the wound.  Luka drew a breath in with the pressure despite the effort not to.  She had to blink a few times to clear her vision, then narrowed her eyes to focus them.  "Exit bullet wound," she said, her voice rusty.  She cleared it after a moment.

"Luka?  What would you look for in a wound like this?"

He wet his lips, the flicking of his eyes an indication of his searching for a word.  When he didn't find it he offered "infekcija" in Croatian before switching back to English.  "If the wound wasn't kept clean...or ulomci," he shifted momentarily to Croatian again, "were left behind."

William nodded.  "You have to check for infection, yes, and if any pieces were left.  But largely in a bullet or knife wound, there won't be.  A shrapnel wound, yes."  He carefully set his fingers at the puckered edges and pressed, lightly.  "But an infection isn't always visible.  You need to learn how to feel for things like tissue degeneration, or too soft flesh underneath."

The gasp was unavoidable, as was the tensing of his muscle at the man's touch.  Claire lifted her eyes to Luka's face. "Poppa, careful," she murmured.

"It's okay..." Luka drew a couple deeper breaths then nodded for William to go on even as his voice betrayed him.  His compromise to himself was a tightening of his hands in the bedding where they might not notice.

"See how the thigh muscles tense?  That's good...it means they have not been compromised by the wound."  Claire dropped her eyes again to the wound as William spoke.  "Now, as long as there is no bleeding, and no infection, the tissues will knit just fine in time."

Further instruction was interupted as there was a rustling at the tent door, and William turned to look.
------------------
To be continued...