Prompt 185.1. Write a fic about the best gift you ever received for the holidays./RotM

If you had asked me this last year I would have said it was the news Abby gave me that she was pregnant.  I admit, neither of us knew for sure what it meant for our relationship, and as much as I might want another child, I couldn't force her into carrying one if she didn't.  I knew about her fears of being a mother, her fear of carrying the illness that her mother and brother shared into her child even though it had spared her, can I blame her? I never wanted Abby to think I only wanted a child as a replacement for those I had lost, and it seemed important that these and all of our other concerns be worked out between us, so there was never any question as to why we wanted the life that she carried within her.

We made it through those months, and whatever lingering doubts we had vanished as soon as we saw his face, in that moment I knew it didn't matter if there were no more children between us, he was all we needed to be complete as a family.  As fate would have it, complications with Joe's birth will keep Abby from carrying anymore children. Those early months of his life were so difficult for all of us, and there were times when I was afraid he wouldn't survive, but, he beat the odds, and today he's healthy, and happy,

So, if you were to ask me that same question now, I would say it was Joe himself, for in giving me my son, Abby found a way to give me back a part of life I thought I would never know again, and I can't think of a greater gift than that.

 

November prompt 004. Knee jerk reaction/Creative Muses

I killed a man with my bare hands. Even now, years after having been cleared of the responsibility by the police, my own guilt remains. It doesn't matter how many years pass, the memory of that night can surface in an instant and the feelings it brings with it are enough to drive me into a depression as dark as any in my life.

It wasn't like I woke up on that particular day and said, "Today I'm going to kill someone." I didn't plan for it to happen. How could anyone have planned for something like that to occur?

It was Abby and my first date, and it should have been one of those nights that we would remember forever as one of happiness, but, it never will be, all because of how I reacted in that one split second.

I don't know that I even knew I was capable of the level of violence that found it's way into me that night, but, it was there, lying in wait just below the surface, waiting.

The mugger that night, woke something in me that I wished I had never knew existed, and once unleashed it cost him his life. When I saw him struggling with Abby all I could think about was stopping him, and once I had hold of him I couldn't stop myself.

I'm not sure if I would have reacted differently had he not attacked Abby, and I can ease my guilt somewhat by telling myself that my actions were the result of my needing to protect her but, either way the man's still dead. In the end the fractures to his skull and the injuries to his brain were too severe, he never made it out of the ER.

Self defense, that was how they excused my actions. A man was dead, beaten to death, and they were okay with that because he had hit me with a pipe before I repeatedly pounded his head into the pavement. I wish I could wash my hands of the guilt so easily.

November Prompt 005: Rose/Artistic License

As he counted out the coin to the vender Luka knew the single flower couldn't begin to make up for the sacrifices his wife had made.

They had been married almost three years and in that time they had welcomed a daughter into their lives and moved to Vukovar, leaving family and friends, as well as the frivolity of their youth far behind them. There were days he couldn't help but wonder if he'd made a mistake in asking Danijela to marry him before he'd finished school and gotten his degree. While he spent all day in classes and far too many evenings either studying or at the hospital, she was left alone to deal with not just the running of their household, but the care of their small daughter as well, and only that morning she had told him she suspected she was pregnant yet again.

She had been so nervous when she had first broke the news to him. Her fear over facing the pregnancy without the support of their family even greater then the concerns over how they could possibly afford yet another mouth to feed. What would it take for him to make her understand that he was willing to give up everything for her? In a way, maybe the rose in itself was doing that, for what it had cost him he could have bought them a loaf of bread, or a small wedge of cheese, he could have treated them both to the luxury of fresh pastries, but, this was for her, and her alone.

Prompt 206: What do you live for?/Theatrical Muse

My father died tonight.  I should have been there with him, we should have been there with him, Niko and I, Abby, Joe, all of us, but we weren't.  We were here, thousands of miles away and he was there alone.  No one should have to die alone.

No one will blame us for not being there with him of course, they'll say we couldn't have known, he was doing so well when Niko and I left, it's why we thought it was safe to come to the States.  But, we were wrong.  So, while we were here, laughing and having a good time, he was there, among strangers, alone.  I should have known better, I'm a doctor, I know all of the signs, why couldn't I see them for him?

I'll never forgive myself for not taking Abby and Joe with me when I went home to see him, for not giving him the chance to see the two people who have given me back my reason for living.  I would give anything to be able to rewind time and allow him the chance to hold his grandson in his arms, even if only for a few short moments.

The death's of Jasna and Marko was something we rarely talked about, I'm sure mainly because he wanted to spare me the pain of reliving them.  I know there were times he tried to bring them up, but, I always managed to stop him, and I know for many years he worried that I would never again allow anyone to fill the void their death's left in my heart.

How do I forgive myself now for not giving him the chance to meet the woman who makes me feel the way Danijela did?  For the longest time I know he worried that I would never know those feelings again, that I would never be a husband and a father again.  Why did I go alone? Why couldn't I have taken them with me so he could have seen that the one thing he had tried to tell me was possible all those years ago, the thing I refused to believe, really had come true? 

You were right, Tata.  All those years I wallowed in my grief, all those years I wasted on self pity, you always told me there was someone out there for me, someone who would make me feel the way Danijela made me feel.  I didn't want to hear you then, especially when you told me I would even know the joy of being a father again, because I thought to know that meant forgetting the babies I'd lost. Why couldn't I have said these things to you when you were alive? Why, do I always learn the lessons too late?

 

Prompt 1: first time/Muses Erotica

(OOC...This is a revision of a post that I wrote for Ineffable Fandom.)

As he looked into her eyes, it was still hard for him to believe they were finally married, they had waited two years for this day to come and now it was here. Looking into her eyes he couldn't help but wonder if there were any woman more beautiful then she was at this very moment.

"I love you Danijela Kovac." He lowered his head, brushing his lips against hers as he whispered the words to her.

"I love you too...my husband." There was no mistaking the slight tremble in her voice as she lay under him, her fear at the newness of it all still outweighing the expectation of what was to come.

"You are so beautiful." He threaded his fingers through the curls along the side of her face as he spoke.

"You know that I knew from the moment I saw you I wanted you for my wife." He kissed her mouth again before moving down to the hollow of her throat.

"Ah..." She released a slight gasp, she could already feel her body beginning to respond to his attentions in ways she had never known it could.

"How would you know that before we had even spoke?" She ran her fingers through his hair, before pulling him closer with an accompanying moan.

"I knew, you were the most beautiful girl there, even in your school uniform." He released a quiet laugh before placing the next of his kisses between her breasts.

"Then why did it take you more then a week to even ask me to sit with you for coffee, hmm?" It was becoming far too difficult for her to concentrate on his words.  When his tongue circled the nipple of one breast she moaned and whatever else she might have said was forgotten

"I was waiting to talk to you alone." Luka gave the nipple a soft bite before raising himself up on his forearms, a smile spreading across his face before he dropped his head to capture her lips yet again.

The give and take continued as the young couple explored each other's bodies. They had waited two years to become man and wife, two years to be together in this the most intimate of ways, they were in no hurry for this night to end.

 

 

Prompt 182.3: Self discovery/Realm of the Muse

I ran away. If you had asked me then I would have denied it, but, it's true. I hated my life, hated the man I had become, and this seemed a way to escape. I tried to tell myself I was going to the Congo to help others but, even if I wasn't ready to admit it, in truth I was looking for a place to hide. Chicago had become too dangerous for me, too dangerous for those around me. Erin, Rick, how many more would have suffered injury or death if I hadn't left when I did?

Life in the Congo allowed me to escape into a world I hadn't realized existed. In the beginning nothing really changed for me, I worked my shifts, and once I was finished, I would drink until I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open, or until I found someone to fall into bed with. I'm not sure that I deliberately taunted death, but, I know I didn't do anything to avoid putting myself at risk, or those around me for that matter. I know I didn't see any of my actions clearly until after Carter and Gillian left Matenda, and by then it was too late. Sakima, Chance, Patrique, all of them were ready to put there lives before mine. Patrique went so far as to give his for me, and it wasn't until I thought it was my turn that I even realized, the gift I had been wasting.

It wasn't until I returned to Chicago that I really had a chance to realize how much I owed to each of them, how much I owed Carter for coming back for me. I think I knew then that I had to change, I owed it not just to Patrique's memory, but to those who had survived. They had to have seen some worth in me that I had lost sight of, and now it was up to me to find it again, to re-claim those missing pieces so I could once more become whole. I owed it to them, but, more importantly, I owed it to myself.

November Prompt 3: Love Eternal/ Ineffable Fandom

It was an anniversary he could have done without, especially now, what with having been gone so long, he needed to be able to give Abby and Joe his full attention, but he couldn't not with the date looming so close. A reminder that always came as a mixed blessing.  He had expected this year to be worse than years past if only because of his having gone back, but nothing like this.

It had been impossible not to go back to those places that he and Danijela had enjoyed all those years ago. Impossible not to search the faces for the one he hoped he would find among so many, even as he knew she would never be there.  Even with all the changes in the City he had still found so many reminders of her.

He was home now, back to his wife, his son, he had missed both of them more then he had thought possible, and yet he found his thoughts repeatedly returning to Danijela. How did he begin to explain to Abby, the rekindling of emotions the return home had brought for him? 

There had never been a time when his love for Danijela wasn't with him, he knew that, their love was eternal, they had known that from the moment they'd met, but, did Abby understand? She'd accused him once before of being married to a ghost, and he hadn't denied it because in his heart he had known it was true, Danijela would always be his wife, no matter how many years she was gone.

After fifteen years he would have thought it would have gotten easier, but it never did, and maybe that was his punishment for being the one to survive. So, he would do as he always did on this day.  He would go and light candles for all three of them, offer prayers of remembrance for the woman who had first captured his heart and the children who'd never had a chance to know life.