I used to think that the most important thing in my life was my goal to become a Doctor. I was raised by working parents and we didn't have much growing up, but we were happy, and healthy. I think I saw medicine as a way to pay back for all I'd received and at the same time I knew I'd be able to provide for my parents as they grew older. When I met Danijela my entire focus shifted and from the moment I saw her, I knew without a doubt, that I would marry her. Danijela and I were both Catholics, as were our families so there was never a question of her using birth control, if God wanted us to have children, then we would have them. It wasn't until I held my firstborn, my daughter, in my arms that my entire purpose in life seemed to shift. No longer was I Luka Kovac, Medical Student and Husband, no, on that day I became, Luka Kovac, Tata, Husband, and Medical Student.
Losing my children left a hole in me that I thought I would never be able to fill again. Oh, I tried over the years, I'd find myself with women who I knew I wasn't really attracted to, or ones who had children already. I told myself that if I couldn't have my own children, there were certainly other children who needed me. It never worked though. Maybe I was fooling myself, but, for whatever the reason, something always happened, I'd no sooner allow myself to become attached and something would happen to yank them away. The last time was the hardest, but in the midst of the pain of that loss I found my way back to Abby.
Neither of us expected things to happen the way they did, I think we still held onto some fear because of the way things had happened the first time we were together. There was no denying though that we'd both changed in the years since then. The fact we'd become friends again first had to have helped. We weren't in the relationship out of desperation, we truly were falling in love, and one day that love was taken to the next level without our realizing it.
I can't explain the emotions that went through me when Abby first told me she was pregnant. I think I was afraid to believe it at first, afraid that if I did I'd lose everything we had already built. I knew how Abby felt about children, her fears that they might end up with the same illness she watched her mother and brother battle. When she told me she'd decided to have an abortion I tried to be supportive, but deep down it was tearing me apart. All I could think of was that once again my dream was gone, and then came the surprise. When Abby told me that she couldn't go through with the abortion I was overwhelmed, in that moment my love for Abby knew no bounds. To think that she would put aside all her fears for that tiny life inside of her, how could I not love her even more than I already did? Abby's warmed to being a mother, and I've watched that blossom even more as Joe grows, every step he takes, every word that comes out of his mouth, his smile, his laugh, what greater gift could anyone ever receive?
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