He had worked a double shift and still sleep was eluding him, rather than waking Abby, Luka eased the covers back and slipped from the bed. He knew what was bothering him, the same thing that had been bothering him off and on since Abby had told him she was pregnant. He had to make peace with this before the baby was born. As he settled at the desk in the living-room he found himself releasing a breath he hadn't realized he held. What was he so afraid of? Pulling out paper and a pen he started the first of the letters he knew he had to write.
My beloved son Marko,
It's hard to believe you would be the age your mother was when first I saw her, that so many years have passed since I first held you in my arms. You were so tiny and I fell in love with you from the first moment I saw you in the hospital. Every day since I lost you, Mama, and Jasna, I've missed having you with me. I think about all the things you were never able to experience, and what I would have given to have traded my life for yours if it had been possible. I loved you so much, still love you, and wanted you to know that you're going to become a big brother. It's been hard for me, for so many years I was afraid to allow myself to think about having another family for fear that it might mean betraying you and my memories of you. I know now that doesn't have to happen, and if anything those memories will only strengthen as I share them with your new brother or sister. So, for that reason I wanted to share this news with you.
I love you baby, and always will, Tata.
Rereading the letter brought tears to his eyes but it also brought the closure he knew he had hoped to find in it's writing. As he finished he slid it in an envelope only to reach for then begin the next...
My beautiful daughter Jasna...
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