Indescribable/100 Moods

ER/Luka Kovac 052.Indescribable
Title: Firstborn
Fandom: ER
Characters: Luka and Jasna Kovac
Prompt: Indescribable
Word Count: 450
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None to speak of
Summary: Luka meets his newborn daughter for the first time.



He had paced the hall for hours it seemed when what he had wanted most was to be inside at his wife's side. When he was sure he was going to go through the door despite the doctor's orders to the contrary he had heard it, the cries that signaled the newborn's arrival and suddenly nothing else mattered anymore. He rushed to the double doors, unable to control his impatience any longer, he was a father.

"Mr. Kovac." The nurse pushed the door open before he could do it himself and smiled at the young father's eagerness. "Congratulations, you have a daughter, would you like to see her?"

Luka shook his head as the answering grin temporarily made words impossible. "Danijela, my wife, is she alright?"

"She's fine, they're finishing up with her and will be moving her to recovery in a few minutes, your daughter is this way, and she's perfect." She led him down the hall as she spoke, motioning him into the small nursery.

"My daughter?" There was a hint of worry as his eyes first landed on the newborn, only to find a doctor seemingly bagging her. Isn't she breathing?" He was at her side before they could hold him back, the hint now succumbing to panic as his mind raced through all the worst case scenarios he had studied to date.

"Luka, you need to calm down, for your daughter and your wife, can you do that?" The man glanced over to the young med student only long enough to see his nod of acknowledgment before returning to his small patient. "She's just forgetting to breathe, so we're just helping her until she figures out what she's supposed to do."

"She'll be alright?" He extended his hand to touch his daughter but hesitated just shy of actually touching her with the question.

"Luka, she'll be fine, it happens all the time, you know that." The man paused long enough to scoop the small girl into his arms before turning to present her, bag and all, to her father. "Take her, you can do this just as easily as I can."

For a brief instant disbelief flooded the young father's face but as her looked down at his firstborn child any remaining hesitation fled. As he cradled her into the crook of his arm it was as if she were made to fit exactly there. The feelings that were sweeping through him were indescribable.

"Jasna." He whispered her name softly before he began the counts that would mark the tempo of his squeezing of the bag. "She's beautiful." He stated to no one in particular, and there was no doubt by anyone there that she was.

Plead your case for getting into heaven/RotM challenge

1.22.2 Getting Into Heaven
Muse: Luka Kovac/ER
Words: 689



His time had finally come, after all the years of praying, of pleading, of begging for death to find him it had finally come. Standing now in front of the gates he found the tears wetting his cheeks beyond his control. The one thing he had wished for was finally here and as much as he had wanted it he knew it had meant leaving behind the new life, the new family, he had at long last welcomed into his life.

He saw the man approaching but it wasn't him his eyes were on, no, his eyes had moved beyond him and to the three figures in the distance. If it were possible he was sure his heart would have stopped at the sight.

"Danijela." He whispered her name as if saying it too loud might break the illusion and erase all of them before they were fully visible.

"Tata." It was Jasna who called to him first, and before her mother could stop her the small girl had broke free of the woman's hold and was running toward the gates. His eyes shifted from her only long enough to assure himself that her mother had the only other person he still needed confirmation on, and then he saw him, the dark head resting on her shoulder.

"Marko."

He approached the man at the gates. "I have to get in.

I'm coming baby" He slipped into Croatian as he offered the reassurance to his daughter as she reached the fence and began repeating her demands for his entry.

"Tata...Tata..." The little girl's cries to him became louder.

"Name?" The man flipped through the large book before him.

"Luka Kovac...please, that's my wife, those are my children.."

"Tata." Jasna's pleas had become more insistent and were now joined by Marko's voice as Danijela joined her.

"Tata." The toddler stretched his chubby hand out and motioned to his father.

"Can't you see what you're doing to them?" Luka found himself pleading with the gatekeeper, while trying to remain calm for the sake of his wife and children.

"What makes you think you deserve to be here?" Peter scanned through the book until he found Luka's name and then browsed through the list of notes under it, all the while shaking his head.

"I'm here aren't I?" His eyes shot again to his family as Danijela tried to calm the two small children.

"How can you do this to them, if I wasn't supposed to be here, would they be here to meet me?" His gaze leveled on the man for only a moment before he moved over to where the children were. Kneeling, his tears fell freely as he stretched his hand through the gate's bars to touch that of the child who had died in his arms. "Let me go to them..." He made the request while keeping his eyes on his daughter.

"I've missed you so much." He'd stopped switching back to English, the realization that in this place all language was one finally dawning.

"Down...down...want Tata!" Marko had begun to get restless seeing his father so close and Danijela finally gave in using his squirming as an excuse to allow her to kneel beside her daughter as well.

"Luka..." For the first time she spoke and to his ears it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

"Please...don't do this to them, they've suffered enough...please."

The gates opened...

Melancholy/100Moods

Croatia 1991

Laying on his side in the medical tent Luka found himself wishing for quiet, it was never quiet here. It had only been three days since he'd been found on the side of the road near death, three days since he had been forced back into a life that he had no desire to be in. He spent most of his time sleeping but those increasing hours awake were inevitably being filled not just with memories, but with the sounds of families living a life he would never again know.

Leaning over the edge of the cot he succumbed to an intense barrage of coughing as his lungs battled against the pneumonia that infested them. Conditions here were harsh, supplies limited and he still clung to the hope that death would find him.

"You're awake." His coughing had attracted one of the nurses to his side and she braced her hand against his thin back, supporting him as it ran it's course.

"Are you hungry? I have some broth and tea for you." When she received little more than an icy stare in response the woman drew back.

"Govorite li engleski?" She waited a moment more, studying his face until he laid back down and turned his back to her. "Have it your own way. She returned to her own language before moving on to the man in the next bed.

In truth Luka did speak English, and the quiet rumble of his stomach told him that it would have welcomed the broth and tea she'd been offering, but he didn't want comfort from them, not yet. He had made his peace with God, he was ready to join his family, he didn't ask them to save him. It was his life. What right did they have to bring him here, to force him to accept care when what he really wanted was death?

Yet another round of coughing silenced his thoughts and left him exhausted. All he wanted now was sleep, and the death they denied him, laying back down he turned once more on his side. Pulling the thin blanket over his shoulder he closed his eyes and willed his mind to silence the voices in the tent. There was no guarantee that his sleep would not bring another nightmare, but he clung to the hope that it could just as easily bring a fonder memory, one in which he might, if only for a moment, be reunited with Danijela and his children, and it was that thought on whose wings he was carried off to sleep.

One thing about human nature that puzzles you./Theatrical Muse Challenge

:::Shakes head::: Weaver set this up didn't she?  She's always doing that, setting up appointments with the hospital psychiatrists or psychologists because she is convinced that either my personal life or the pressures of work are becoming too much for me.  It's not, and I don't need to be here, which isn't to say that I haven't needed to be at other times despite what I might have said.  But, that isn't the question is it?

Self-guilt...that would be my answer.  I'm a doctor, I more than most should understand how harmful this can be to a person, but that doesn't stop me from being a victim of it.  I don't know that any of us choose willingly to have it befall us, it's more the kind of thing that sneaks up on you while your mind is overwhelmed by something else.  I doubt too it's something you'll find that someone suffers from on it's own, likely it'll be a companion illness, shared in my case with depression, and a mind numbing sense of loss that seemed to prevent me from letting go of a life that was no longer mine to keep.

 

Bah...counter reset itself

Well if that isn't frustrating...looks like I lost the total on how many people have visited my journal in the last two years...this 275 is only representative of about two weeks.

Bah I say

Our Love/Romantic in 100 Moods

ER/Luka Kovac 082.Romantic
Title: Our Love
Fandom: ER
Characters: Luka and Danijela Kovac
Prompt: Romantic
Word Count: 481
Rating: light R
Warnings/Spoilers: Sexual Situation
Summary: Luka and Danijela find some time alone

"Luka, it's time to wake up."  Danijela sat on the side of the bed before leaning over her sleeping husband so she could whisper in his ear. "Luka." A smile spread across her face when he did little more than moan and press his face deeper into his pillow.

"Oh, you're going to play this game are you?"  Her smile grew wider before she blew lightly into his ear. "Luka." She whispered his name softly so as not to wake their two small children who slept not far away, before running her finger along his jawline.

"We could play something else..."  Her tone became sing-song as she traced the bone.  "Luka..."

When her actions finally prompted him to crack an eye open she laughed lightly.  "Good evening, sleepyhead."  With him now awake she lay alongside him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I have supper waiting for you on the stove, but, it's still early and the children are already asleep." She kissed his neck with the invitation.  Moments that the two found together were too few and far between to pass up on.

A still drowsy smile spread across his face as he rolled onto his back, then drew her on top of him before kissing her.  "Evenin', I think that sounds like a wonderful idea." His long fingers threaded naturally into her curls as he whispered to her.

"Did you have something in mind?"  His smile brought his accompanying dimples with it as he teased his wife for more details and in return watched the blush he knew would follow tint her face. "You're so beautiful."

Instead of answering Danijela glanced toward the doorway that separated the two of them from their two small children, when she was sure that she heard no sound she returned her eyes to Luka.  He was the only man she had ever known, her first love.  Instead of speaking,  she lowered her eyes as a concession to the modesty she was used to, and slipped out of her sweater, revealing her nakedness beneath.  Then, as she lifted her eyes to his for his reaction, she smiled.

"I love you so much." His hands abandoned her dark locks for the newly revealed pale skin as he took hold of her and pulled her close so that he could kiss her again.  "So much."

He rolled her onto her side, letting his fingers explore her skin until they brought goosebunps up on it and forced little mews from her.  Only then did he coax her from the rest of her clothes as he let her do the same from him...dinner would have to wait.

 

Realm of the Muse 1.21.2

In my next life I'll come back as ...

a nobody, one of those people who have nothing eventful happen in their lives. What an amazing thing that would be. Think about it, to go through your life, day in and day out and find it being totally predictable. To meet and marry, to have children, to raise that family and know you will all grow old together. To know the joy of watching your children become adults, to see them through school, to experience their joy as they meet their first love.

I know how it sounds, most people would wish to be rich, to be famous, to travel. Not me, none of that means anything once you've experienced the loss of your wife, and worse, that of your children. I think about all of the things I've been through in my life, the places I've been, the things I've seen and I know I would gladly sacrifice all of IT to be back in that small two room apartment again with my wife and children.

In those early years after the deaths of my family I thought often about karma as I tried to find ways to accept what had happened. I blamed myself and thought that were I to believe in the possibility of it then I must have done something quite grievous to have warranted repayment with so many deaths. I never accepted the deaths as a fair trade in any stretch of the imagination, how could I have? How could anyone think the deaths of not just one but two children could hold equal value to anything someone had done?

So, that would be my choice. Though in truth I know this is my only life and on my death I still hold out hope to be reunited with those I lost so many years ago.