Prompt 10 C: Tender/Talking Muses

  Tender Moments

 

"Luka, are you awake?" Danijela's voice was quiet, fear of waking their two small children in her thoughts even as she sought time alone for herself with her husband.

"Umhm..." The mumbled reply brought a smile to her lips before she moved closer, curling her body into his.

"Lu...ka." She stretched out his name as she whispered it, then brushed her lips along the skin below his ear before nipping lightly at his earlobe. Feeling a bit bolder she inched her hand around his waist, capturing him beneath the thin fabric of his pajama bottoms.

"Danijela." Her name followed his gasp of surprise at her conquest and an increase in his breathing came as her fingers wrapped around him. "The children..."

"Are both sound asleep, now...shh." Her smile came naturally as she felt him rise to her touch. As she slipped her hand beneath the fabric and began a slow, tender stroking of him any other protests he might have had were lost, in these moments they existed only for each other.

Luka Kovac/ER
Words: 171

Prompt 9D: First Love, Last Romance/Talking Muses

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde.

She was sixteen the first time I saw her, with long dark hair that fell in waves around her shoulders and dark eyes that sparkled like none I had ever seen before. It was in a coffeeshop, a place I'd never gone before and only chanced into on that day at that time. I knew she was young, she was with three or four others of around the same age and all of them were dressed in school uniforms of matching skirts, white blouses, and dark sweaters. It took me almost two weeks to work up the nerve to talk to her, but every day up to then I would go, just to watch her and try and work up the nerve to speak to her. I finally arranged to pay for her order before she got there, thinking then she would come talk to me if only to thank me.

We dated for two years, and each day it seemed our love for each other only grew deeper so that when she turned eighteen it only made sense that we would marry. Within the year we would welcome our first child, a daughter, and less than two years later our second, a son. Danijela and I were sure our life was that of which dreams were made, we spoke often of raising our children, of growing old together, of our plans for the future. We never dreamed that before our son reached his second birthday it would all end, but it did, and all that's left to me now are memories.

Haunt/Talking Muses and Numb/100 Moods

Luka Kovac/ER
Words: 215

For three days he had felt like he was sleepwalking, going through the motions without really seeing or hearing anything around him. He was lost, and nothing anyone could say was going to change that. He had buried not just his wife, not just his daughter and his son, he had buried his life as well. He'd barely heard the words of condolence offered by those at the hospital. Neither his family nor Danijela's could risk the journey to Vukovar for the funerals, and he'd refused to have those from the hospital accompany him to the grave-site. The truth was he didn't want to share his grief with anyone. So now, with the funerals over, he was back to haunt the place where it had all begun. Standing on the sidewalk in front of the rubble that had once been their apartment building he found himself once more praying for some lone sniper to center him in their sights, to put an end to the pain that was tearing him apart. How many more days would he do this? What did he hope to gain from it? The questions were ones he couldn't answer and might never be able to, but here he was. Only when it became too dark to see did he finally force himself to turn away, knowing as he did that he'd return again at first light.

Frailty/Talking Muses and Thoughtful for 100Moods

Title: Frailty
Fandom: ER
Characters: Luka Kovac
Prompt: Thoughtful
Word Count: 770
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Contains Spoilers Bloodlines/Graduation Day
Summary: An overnight vigil in the NICU gives Luka time to rethink his life.

I deal with the frailty of life on a daily basis but it wasn't until the birth of my new son that I fully realized how overwhelming it can be to those on the outside. My son, our son, Josip, Joe, was born ten weeks premature, Abby delivered him by cesarean, and for the first twenty-four hours of his life I stood vigil alone at his bedside. He was rushed immediately from the delivery room to the NICU, the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and though I wanted to stay at Abby's side she insisted I stay with our son, without voicing it I think she sensed how fragile he was and feared he might die alone if I remained. It was a fear I shared, but dared not say aloud, maybe because I thought that by doing so it would somehow give it more strength and the thought of losing him, losing yet another child.

Watching over Joe gave me lots of time to think, and one thing that kept repeatedly coming back to me was why was I again being punished? It's been fifteen years since I lost Danijela and our children, fifteen years...a lifetime it seems at times. I kept thinking back on all the years I'd wasted grieving their loss, wallowing in self pity and guilt, worse though was remembering how often I'd prayed for death to find it's way to me so I could be with them.

It wasn't easy to let my past go, I spent close to eight years living with the memories of Danijela and our time together as my means of comfort, my source of love. When I opened the door enough to allow Carol in it was a big step and I know I made mistakes, but at least I was starting to live again. I think I saw my heart as a piece of glass then, something very fragile. It had been shattered when Danijela and our children died, then somehow repaired. I think I tried too hard with Carol, I wanted a family so badly that I wasn't able to see that it wasn't her along that drew me to them, it was the very fact that she was alone with those two children and they needed a father as badly as I needed to be one again. When she told me she was leaving I honestly believed I had lost my last hope of being a father again.

It was hard looking back at the mistakes I made with Abby our first time around, but I think Iit was something I had to do if I want to make sure that those mistakes aren't repeated between us this time. One of the things Abby accused me of at that time was being married to a ghost, and though I didn't want to admit it then I can now. Danijela will always be part of who I am, I'll always love her, and I can only hope that Abby will understand that it doesn't mean I love her any less.

Within that same fragile balance will be the one that will exist between Joe and Jasna and Marko. I want Joe to know his big sister and brother even though they aren't here. I want to share my memories of them with him as he grows in a way that will bring happy feelings and not ones of sadness. I think that in itself may be something I'll have to work on with Abby. When we were together before I never felt I could talk about Danijela or my children with her, or maybe it was that I didn't want to share them with her. I realize now that it's something I need to do if I want her to really understand me and how I reached the place where I am in my life. The years I spent with Danijela were ones that played a huge part in shaping me into the man I am today, but more importantly the father I'll be to Joe.

I see things with Abby, and now with Joe as an open door to the second chances I never dreamed I'd see, not just that of husband and father,but of having a family around me again. It's hard though ,to express the joy this brings me, especially when I realize that it comes marred by the sadness of knowing that Abby will be unable to bear another child. So, with this thought I come full circle to the frailty of life and the cycle begins again.

Joe's Angels/Prayer for 10 ER Fics

Title: Joe's Angels
Character/Pairing: Luka and Josip "Joe" Kovac
Prompt: O4. General:Prayer
Word Count: 394
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers to Season 13/Bloodlines
Summary:Luka asks some special angels to watch over Baby Joe.
Disclaimer: Neither Goran Visnjic's image nor the character of Luka Kovac of ER belong to me. No copy-write infringement is intended by their use, they are being borrowed here strictly for entertainment purposes.

It was quiet in the NICU, well not exactly quiet, but quieter than it was during the daytime, or during the regular visiting hours in the hospital. Now though it was relatively empty, at close to 3 in the morning most of the parents had gone home long ago, or found places to sleep, but not him, not tonight.

As he stood over his newborn son Luka couldn't stop the fear that lurked inside him. What if he were asked to give this son up as he had been asked to give up his first son and daughter? The thought was one he didn't want to think about but still it returned.

Laying his hands face down on the incubator he closed his eyes, he knew what he had to do, despite his doubts he had to take the chance, not for himself, not even for Abby, but for Joe.

He whispered the prayer quietly, the words ones that had brought comfort to him as a child. Ones he had turned from when his family had been lost. Ones he had found his way back to as he thought his own life about to end. As he finished he caressed the case as he would have the small boy's skin.

"Joe...my little boy...you have to fight, for mama, for me." He brought his hand to his lips, afraid that if he lost the hold he had on his emotions he might not get it back.

"You have your own angels Joe, did you know that?" He sniffed back the tears before they could start.

"Your big sister, Jasna, your brother Marko, they'll always be with you, watching over you, making sure you're safe. Can you see them?" A smile tugged at his lips as the image of just that appeared to him.

"They'll always be there for you baby, all you have to do is look for them, you'll never be alone, not even when tata and mama are somewhere else." He swiped his hand over his face as the tears finally broke.

"You have another angel Joe, a beautiful angel who will love you as much as we do, her name is Danijela. She'll hold you, and sing to you, and keep you safe from harm. You never have to be afraid, Joe, so sleep, and get strong, and we'll take care of the rest.

097 Uncomfortable /100Moods

Title: Hidden
Fandom: ER
Characters: Luka Kovac
Prompt: Uncomfortable
Word Count: 467
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Deals with material of a sensitive nature.
Summary: Luka flees the hospital in Vukovar only moments before Serbian soldiers arrive


We never believed that it would happen to us. That they would target patients in a hospital and those who would treat them, but that's exactly what happened that day, that November afternoon in Vukovar. I didn't want to go, to run away while others stayed behind, placing themselves in danger to save the lives of those too weak or too badly injured to leave. But, I'd made a promise, some of us had to live, if only so we could speak for those who would never be able to.

So I fled, down crowded hallways and stairwells. Even as I heard the gunshots and screams of those whose lives were being lost I wanted to believe that it wasn't happening, that no one could harbor that kind of hatred, or be that cruel. I knew the truth though even as I tried to deny it, I'd seen it for months on the faces of those I had treated in the very hospital that I was now running from.

Once I entered the street I realized that for as long as the soldiers remained the only safety would be in finding a place to hide from them. If I could stay hidden until dark I could then try and make my escape from the City. I had no idea where I would go once I was outside it's walls, but I knew it had to be better than this.

Then I heard them, the sounds of soldiers coming my way and all I could think of was finding somewhere to hide before I ended up like those in the hospital. In the end I found my safety in an abandoned building, hidden beneath broken wall-boards and fallen timbers in a shallow of dirt barely large enough for someone half my size. When one of their trucks stopped in the street outside the building I'd chosen to hide in I was terrified.

When several soldiers entered the building I was sure I'd been found, afraid to breathe for fear they would hear me. I lost track of how long they were there. As I was laying in the darkness, I listened to the the sound of glass broken under foot, felt the dirt rain down on me as someone walked over the very boards that sheltered me. I lost track of how long they were there, laughing over the misery of others, sharing jokes and cigarettes while those I knew as friends were losing their lives.

And then, after what seemed like hours, but might have been minutes, they were gone, but still I dared not move, and so I stayed hidden. Three, four, five hours more, until I was sure they were gone, until I was sure that dark had fully covered the City, only then did I dare reveal myself, only then could I chance my escape.

Bonding/ 005 Son 100 Situations

Character/Pairing: Luka and Baby Joe Kovac
Prompt: 005. Son
Word Count: 312
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Bloodlines/Graduation Day spoilers
Summary: Luka spends time alone with his newborn son.
Disclaimer:Neither Goran Visnjic's image nor the character of Luka Kovac of ER belong to me. No copy-write infringement is intended by their use, they are being borrowed here strictly for entertainment purposes

"Joe, you came a little early, but we're glad you're here." Translation of what Luka said to Joe in Croatian in Graduation Day

<lj-cut text="Bonding">
It hadn't taken much convincing on Luka's part for him to take over Joe's 2am feedings, it seemed only reasonable to allow Abby the extra time to sleep, and he welcomed the time alone with his son. As the baby began to cry Luka reached over to touch Abby's shoulder.

"I've got him." He leaned down to kiss her, only to smile as she barely stirred. It was funny how often he was finding memories of Danijela surfacing with Joe's arrival.  He'd yet told Abby about them of course, he wasn't sure how she would take being compared to the woman she'd once referred to as his ghost.  Pushing the bedding aside he slipped from the bed and went to the crib where their son lay crying.

"Are you hungry?"  He scooped his son into his arms, then lay him over his shoulder, rubbing his hand in slow circles over the boy's back as he carried him down to the kitchen to prepare his bottle. 

He had missed too many moments like this with Jasna and Marko, medical school, the long hours of internships and residencies, he wasn't letting them slip by him again.  As the microwave sounded he opened the door and pulled the bottle out, testing the temperature of the milk against the inside of his wrist before offering it to the baby.   Luka couldn't help smiling as he greedily took it.

"Not so fast, you were hungry, weren't you?"  Taking a seat on the couch he repositioned his son more comfortably in the cook of his arm, as he continued to feed him.  "Not so bad having tata feed you is it?"  The conversation was the start of many he knew he would have with the small boy, and he slipped into Croatian as he spoke to him.  "I'll always be here for you, Joe, I'll always be here."</