Time Heals All Wounds 21/44

Chapter 21

A companion story to Ghosts

By the time the family had settled into their hotel and had dinner it was obvious that whatever hopes they had for any sightseeing would have to wait until morning.  The fact that Maja fell asleep at the table only reinforced the decision.  Handing his wallet to his wife Luka rose to pick up his youngest child, then smiled as her arms automatically found their way around his neck even in sleep. 

"How are you doing?"  He turned his attention to Juraj as Alenka went to settle the bill and his son rose as well.

"Kind of tired, we going to go back to the room?"  The boy's own fatigue reflected in his features.

"I think so, I think we could all use a good night's rest, then we can start out bright and early in the morning."  As he spoke Luka started for the door with Juraj not far behind.

"Did Mama decide where she wanted to go first?"  He asked the question not sure if he wanted to really know the answer.

"We haven't had much of a chance to talk about it yet, we'll do it before we go to sleep tonight I think."  As he reached the restaurant entrance Luka paused to wait on his wife.

"Tata, do you think we'll have to go to the cemeteries first?" 

"I'm not sure, Beba...it'll depend on Mama, does that worry you?"  He dropped his eyes so they firmly settled on his son with the question.

"Not really worry...I don't want Mama to be sad on her first day is all...if we go to the other places where there are good memories maybe it will be easier for her, " Juraj locked his eyes on his Father's as well...the serious of the discussion quite clear on his face.

"You've been thinking about this a lot haven't you?" 

"Some...it's like going to the place where they died...or you going where your first family died...it'll make you sad to see those places and I just thought it might be easier to see happy things first."  Luka couldn't help feeling that his son's words might have been coming from one much older then ten.

"I'll talk to Mama tonight, and tell her what you think...will that work?"

Juraj nodded, allowing a small smile to form as he did.  "Thanks, Tata."

An hour later found both children sound asleep and Luka and Alenka not far behind.  The extra shifts and the long trip had done their jobs well and even as he lay waiting for his wife to finish in the bathroom Luka wondered if he would make it.  Stifling a yawn he rolled onto his stomach before wrapping his arms around the pillow.  How was it possible he could be so relaxed?  He yawned again then turned his eyes to the bathroom door as the crack of light from the room briefly illuminated the dark. 

"Coming to bed?"  He spoke quietly so as not to wake the children in the other bed.

In lieu of a response Alenka switched the light off and padded quietly across the room before climbing into bed beside him, and as she did Luka released his pillow before shifting to lay on his back to accommodate her.

When she was settled with her head on his chest he moved his hand to stroke her hair.  "Worried?"

"A little...what were you and Juraj talking about after dinner?"  She found it easy to relax under his touch, and without conscious realization the layers of stress began to fall away.

"He was asking when we would go to the cemeteries...he's concerned about us going first thing in the morning."  As he spoke he drew his wife closer to him.

"I worry about him sometimes...he seems so old...I wonder if we've put too much of our past on the two of them..."  As Luka held her Alenka found her own hands seeking him out, needing the feel of him as much as he seemed to need her.

"What else could we have done?  Neither of us could have pretended our pasts never happened...it wouldn't have been fair to these children or those..or Danijela and Damir." 

"Luka...I know that...it's because of them that we're together in the first place...and maybe that was the most important thing for us to remember.  If we had never lost them we would never have found each other."  With her words Alenka raised up so she could kiss him.  "Maybe that's another reason we have to go...to thank them for making that sacrifice."

"It won't be easy...for any of us."  Luka spoke softly after returning the kiss, but didn't yet release her.

"No...I never thought it would be, but it's been 25 years...it's time we said the good-byes we couldn't say before.  I need to let them go...I've held onto them for so long, but now I know it's time, coming back here has made me realize that.  I want to see where we lived...where they died, and I want to finally lay it all to rest.  I think you want the same."  She lifted her hand to touch his cheek as she finished.

Her words were stronger then he had expected and for a moment he was unable to reply, instead he turned his head so he could kiss her palm.  "I knew there was another reason I married you besides the fact you were so beautiful."

Alenka smiled to his compliment then kissed him again before returning her head to his chest.  "I think you need to get some sleep..."  Her words held a gentle teasing in their tone.

Luka laughed in response then brought his hand to her hair again, stroking it soothingly as they lay together in the dark.  "Thank you for finally doing this."

"It's time, Luka...it's time."

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 20/44

Chapter  20

A companion story to Ghosts

By the time lunch was over the expectation of landing had replaced whatever lingering concerns the children still had.  Juraj's had been easily placated by the travel book his Mother presented him with and the two had settled into an easy conversation with it open between them.  If only Maja had been so easily appeased, the small girl's impatience was growing and with it came the restlessness common to many her age.

"Tata, won't we ever get there?"  She knelt on her seat, alternating her attention between the window and the present view of clouds it held and her Father.  Over the last twenty minutes Luka was persuaded she had begun to time her questions to those exact moments when she somehow knew he had finally fallen asleep.  At he latest he cracked one eye open wearily.

"You asked me that less then five minutes ago, Maja."  He smothered a yawn to punctuate the response.

"But it's taking forever."  With the protest she climbed over the armrest that separated them onto his lap, ending whatever hopes he had of finding sleep again.

"Sitting upright he shifted to make the arrangement more comfortable for both of them.  "Still worried, Beba?"  He asked the question though he knew he dreaded the possible answer.

"A little."  Maja admitted as she turned to face him, then took one of his hands so she could lace her small fingers with his larger ones.  "Will we go to the graves first?"

Luka found himself unsure of how to answer...how could he tell her what even he didn't yet know?  "I'm not sure, I'll have to talk to Mama, see what she feels.  It's been a long time since she's been back, she may want to see other things first."

"What about you, Tata?  Do you want to see other places too?"  As she questioned him she laced her fingers into his other hand as well.

"I'd like you and Juraj to see more then just the cemeteries, it's very different now from how it was, so it's not the same as if nothing had changed.  My family wasn't from Vukovar so I didn't know the City that well at first, we'd come here so I could go to Medical School."  He found it easier to be open with the small girl then he might have been with his son at her age, the fears at revealing his weaknesses seeming to have lessened with age.

"The Captain has informed us that we are ready to begin our descent into Vukovar..."  The Stewardesses words interrupted their conversation and Luka flicked his eyes to Alenka, offering her a smile of reassurance before returning his attention to his daughter.

"Time to go back to your own seat now, Beba and buckle up."  He gave her a kiss before releasing her then once she was settled rebuckled her seatbelt before leaning across her as she called his attention to the sights appearing outside the window.

An hour later they were on the ground and stood just past customs.  "It's so hard to believe we're finally here."  Alenka spoke softly as she took in the sights and sounds around them, her own nervousness reflecting in her voice.

"It's true though."  Luka slid into his native tongue at the prompting of so many others doing the same before he kissed his wife lightly.  "Welcome home."

"Tata...can we go now?"  Maja tugged on his sleeve, her impatience rising again.

"Croatian, Beba, can you do that?"  Luka kept his tone light as he found himself reminding his daughter of the small agreement that had been made.

"I forgot."  She switched her words to her second language prompting a return smile from her father.

"You know why Mama and I want you to use it?"  He took the moment to squat so he could be on eye level with her at the question.

"So we can practice."  Maja answered quickly.

"Why do we want you to practice though?"  Luka let his eyes settle fully on his daughter as he waited for her clarification.

"So we don't forget that we're Croatian even if we were born in America...in case we ever want to move here."  Luka shifted his attention to his son as the answer was supplied for his sister.

"In a way, yes.  It's important that you have that choice, that's one of the reasons we wanted to do this as a family.  You've heard Mama and I tell you what it was like, but it's not the same as seeing it for yourself."  As he explained Luka rose, looking between both of his children.  "We want you to see the good things about this country, not just know the bad things that happened to us...the things that made us leave.  Does that make sense?"

When his question prompted no more then a nod of understanding from the two he found himself offering them a smile before reaching for two of their bags.  "How about we find our hotel and then get something to eat...maybe even do a little sightseeing before dark?"

His suggestion seemed to please both children and once the rest of the bags were gathered up and they were busy pointing things out to each other as they walked it allowed Alenka and he a few moments alone to talk.  "Doing all right?"  He asked the question quietly as he walked beside her.

"Better then I thought I would be.  I can't believe how good it feels to be here."  She found herself smiling with the admission.  "Hearing the language.."  He smile deepened as she paused and shook her head.  "That doesn't make any sense does it?"

"More then you know, Alenka.  This is home, it's where we were born, it's where we would probably have died if we hadn't lost our families and needed to go away to survive."  He wet his lips as he voiced to her the truths neither could deny.  "We couldn't stay...the reminders were too many...but it's different now, and we owe it to the children to show them why."

"I can't believe I was so afraid to come back...I was sure I would feel awful if I ever did."  Alenka hesitated a moment before continuing.  "This will always be home...why couldn't I see that before now?"

"Because you weren't ready...just like I wasn't..not for a longtime..."

to be continued...

 

Time Heals All Wounds 19/44

Chapter  19

A companion story to Ghosts

"Were you finished talking with Tata?"  Alenka asked the question quietly as she studied her son.  When he lifted his eyes from the book he'd been reading and nodded, she couldn't help but smile.

"Pretty much, but it's okay."  He gave her a look that she immediately recognized as one of those he shared with his Father.

"Juraj, if you have questions, or are worried about anything, you know you can talk to me about them too."

"I know, Mama."  He closed the book so he could bring his full attention to her as he spoke, then hesitated with the question that he knew needed an answer.

"What is it, Beba?"  Alenka found herself leaning closer as her voiced dropped, seeking some privacy for him amongst so many strangers.  Noting the seriousness of his face as he still hesitated she slid her arm around him and drew him to her.  "Juraj?"

The boy swiped his tongue across his lips in yet another of his actions that mirrored those of his Father, and one which usually came when he was on the verge of broaching a difficult subject.

"Mama?"  He started only to stop as he rewet his lips.

"What, Beba?  She reached over to brush his heavy bangs from his eyes as she waited him out.

"Mama...do you and Tata?"  There was still another hesitation before he could get the entire question out.  "Do you love them more then you love Maja and I?"

Alenka would swear that her heart stopped the instant the words left his mouth, how could she answer that?

"I'm sorry, Mama."  Juraj was already regretting the question as he noted her reaction.  "I didn't mean to ask it"

"Beba, no..."  Alenka swallowed then pulled her son tightly to her, before kissing him.  "It's not that, the way I feel about Neven, the way I"ll always feel, it's like how I feel about you and Maja.  You don't know how your heart could love another as much as the first, but when the next baby comes you do."  She kissed his hair again with the explanation.

"Do I look like him?"  Juraj wet his lips, the uncertainty of how far was safe to go in his question.

"You're taller then he was, Damir, my first husband was shorter then Tata."  She smiled slightly with the fond memory.  "You're both dark though, I wish I had more pictures to show you of him."  A touch of sadness laced her words and she knew no amount of pictures would make up for the loss of the two she loved so much.

"It must be hard for Tata not to have any pictures of Marko."

"He has pictures in his head, it's not the same of course, but it's better then nothing."  Alenka offered the words as a way of easing the awkwardness of the conversation.

When Juraj grew silent she didn't press him, and instead she took advantage of the small moment of intimacy.  Maybe this was what the trip was intended to do for them, maybe it wasn't just about she and Luka putting their pasts to rest, but about their children coming to terms about it as well.

"Tata....you can't make the cow blue."  Maja pulled the crayon from his hand before he could place the offending color on the page in front of him then replaced it with a brown one.

"What if I want a blue cow?"  He cast his eyes to her with a teasing smile.

"Tata.  You have to do it right."  The small girl's smile was one of mild tolerance and seeing it prompted him to laugh.

"I'm sorry, Beba." He forced the smile back at the glare he received in response.  "You know you can make them whatever color you want, you don't have to do it the same every time."

"Cows aren't blue, Tata."  Her tone remained serious and it was obvious that nothing he could say would sway her from her position.

"Can I make the grass blue?"  He allowed the smile to form again with the gentle teasing.

"No.  You can make the sky blue."  Her face maintained the look of seriousness until he conceded and began to color with the brown, at which point she returned to the page she was working on.

Even as Luka complied with his daughter's wishes he found the long forgotten memory surfacing and for once he allowed it to come freely.

"Tata!"  Jasna's plaintive wail carried through the small apartment clearly, forcing him to almost drop the plate he held in his hands before he could set it aside.  "Tata!"  When the cry repeated he was sure something terrible had happened and he abandoned the dishes to find her.

"Jasna, what is it?  Are you hurt?"  He stopped suddenly as instead of the imagined carnage he found the girl standing over her brother, clutching a handful of crayons and the tattered coloring book she cherished.  A glance to his young son only deepened the confusion as he chewed contentedly on some snack.  "What's going on in here?"  He knelt beside Marko trying to identify what had him so pleased yet his sister so upset.

"Marko ate the yellow crayon!  How can I color the sun without a yellow?"

"Marko..spit it out."  He held his hand in front of the boy's mouth with the demand only to have to force his fingers in as he stubbornly refused and continued to chew.

"Tata...where am I going to get another one?"  Jasna's distress threatened to send her into tears with the question and they were delivered as he scooped the pulpy remains of her crayons from her brother's mouth.

"Candy.  The little boy reached for it again as his Father took it away.

"No, Marko, not candy...crayon."  He tried to maintain the stern demeanor the situation required but found himself failing.

"Tata, don't cry, you can make the cow blue if you want."  It was Maja's words that brought his thoughts back to the present and only as she wiped the wetness from his cheek did he even realize that the memory had prompted tears.

"It's not that, Beba."  He offered her a smile of reassurance before he tried to explain.  "I was just thinking about something from a longtime ago that I hadn't thought about until now."  He wet his lips before dropping his attention to the book on the tray in front of him.

"It's okay to remember though, Tata...even the sad things."  Maja's words surprised him and he lifted his eyes to her with a smile.  So much wisdom for one so young.

"Yes, Beba, it's okay to remember..even the sad things."

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 18/44

Chapter  18

A companion story to Ghosts

Maybe it was the timing of the flight, maybe just the little things that such a long flight brought notice to, but the closer they came to Croatia, the more her earlier fears receded.  She had dreaded this trip for over twenty years...and now...was it possible that she was becoming anxious for them to arrive? 

She couldn't help the smile that formed as she watched the whispering going on between Luka and Juraj.  When had her baby become so old, and how was it possible that so much time had passed seemingly in the blink of an eye? 

Leaning back in her seat she continued watching the two, her curiosity at their conversation forgotten as she studied the similarities of the two.  The resemblance of Father to Son was immediate, both with hair so dark it might be considered almost blue to some, lean and long-legged.  Those were the first things that most people noticed, then there were the subtleties, things less visible to those not close to them.  The quiet reserve when they were troubled by something.  The same reserve that demanded they find somewhere to be alone in order to bring resolution or clarification to it.  The way they retreated into themselves was something she'd long accepted in her husband, but was all the more difficult to accept in their son.

She could feel the memories rising, remembrances of the life they had settled into.  After assuring herself that Maja was content with her crayons and book she allowed herself the luxury of giving into them and with a quiet sigh she closed her eyes.

They'd only had their new son home for half a day and already she found the pleasant exhaustion of new motherhood settling over her like a warm blanket.  She was tired, tired in a way she had never thought she would know again, and she wouldn't trade the feeling for anything.

For the tenth time in less than an hour she found herself standing over the crib of her newborn son.  Juraj Stewart Kovac...a strong name for what she hoped would be a strong child.  Her eyes seemed to take in every inch of him, from the thick lashes resting on his full cheeks as he slept, to the tiny nails on the curled fingers as his hand rested beside his head.

"Are you all right?"  She hadn't realized Luka had even entered the room until he spoke, and his quiet concern was obvious in his question.  Moving behind her he slid his arms around her as she nodded.

"I can't help worrying about him.  I know he's real, but I've dreamed of this moment for so many years...thinking he was real and then waking to find he was only a dream.  I can't help thinking if I leave him alone I'll wake up to find it's happened again."  As she voiced the worry she felt his hold tighten and she lay her hand over his.

"He's real Alenka."  He leaned down so he could kiss her.  "He's so beautiful."  The compliment came so close to her ear that she felt his lips flutter across it.

"He looks like you."  Alenka smiled, feeling some of her concerns ease under his attention.

"He looks like both of us."  He nuzzled her neck then planted several small kisses before looking back to the sleeping newborn.

"The doctor thinks he'll be tall like you are."  She tilted her head as he continued to kiss her.

"Umm hmm..."  He murmured into her neck as he held her.

Turning so she could face him Alenka cradled his face in her hands.  "He'll be all right won't he?  I can't help worrying that because we've both lost children before...you don't think he would ask that of us again?" 

"Shh...no..Alenka...shh."  He laid his finger to her lips.  "What happened before...Alenka..that won't happen again."

"Luka, I want to believe that...but I couldn't bear it if something were to happen to him." 

Drawing her to him he kissed her deeply before speaking.  "Nothing can change what happened...but it's not fair to him...it won't be fair to him..."  He offered an apologetic smile as he stumbled over what he wanted to say.  "We have to give him the chance to live."  He leaned his forehead against hers with the quiet comment.

As Juraj woke he broke the silence of the small room and Luka released Alenka to walk to the crib and lift the crying baby from it.  "Shh...it's all right, Tata and Mama are here."  He cradled the newborn carefully in his arm as he turned to his wife then dropped his eyes to meet the unfocussed ones of his new son.  "Tata and Mama will protect you always."

Alenka smiled at the memory then opened her eyes, neither Luka not Juraj seemed to have moved and she could tell that whatever Luka shared with his son was meant for his ears alone.  "That's very good Beba."  Alenka drew her attention back to her daughter, leaning forward to watch as she colored.

"I'm staying in the lines Mama."  Maja bent farther over her tray then bit the end of her tongue as she concentrated on what she was doing.

"I see that."  Rather then interrupt her further Alenka leaned back again and as her eyes fell once more to her husband and son she found her memories returning to the past as well.

She'd been sure she wouldn't sleep at all that first night and in a compromise Luka had moved the crib to their room.  At his first cry she came awake, slipping her husband's arm from her waist before she eased out from under the covers.

"I can get him."  She smiled as Luka sleepily made the offer without even opening his eyes then touched his shoulder.

"No, I'll do it, you sleep."  She leaned over to kiss him lightly before moving to the baby.  "I'd better get him before he wakes the neighbors."

"He's got good lungs."  Luka rolled onto his stomach with the observation, then buried his head under his pillow though he didn't stay there long.  As Alenka settled into the rocker to nurse she felt his eyes on her and with a smile she raised her eyes from her son's to her husband's face.  "You're so lucky."  He spoke quietly as he sat, the blanket pooling around his waist as he leaned back against the headboard.  "I used to tell Danijela that...when I would watch her nurse."  He wet his lips before continuing.  "I would watch her...first with Jasna, then with Marko...and I envied her having that one connection to them I could never have."

"Luka...you can be just as much a part of his life as I am."  With her words she rose, ignoring the infant's protest to the interruption of his feeding.  Reaching the bed she settled beside him before leaning against him as she resettled the baby to her breast.  "Maybe you can't nurse him, but you can feed him, and teach him, and love him.  Luka, he's part of us, but he's part of them too...Neven..Jasna...Marko...he has the chance to be all those things they never got the chance to be."

"Mama...is it my turn yet?"  Maja's question brought her back to the present as the small girl tugged lightly on her sleeve and with a small smile she nodded. 

"Yes, Beba."  She found herself laughing with her response despite the lingering memory, not so much for the humor but from her persistence.  "Luka, I think your daughter's patience is running out."  She called across the aisle with a smile.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 17/44

Chapter  17

A companion story to Ghosts

"Tata?"  Juraj paused a moment, his dark eyes resting on his Father's hand as he laced his fingers with the much larger ones.

"Hmm?"  A smile inched across Luka's face as he watched the simple action.

"Would you tell me about the day I was born?" 

"You haven't asked for that in a longtime."  Luka couldn't help wondering if his son was seeking some deeper insight in the retelling of the familiar story.  Something that he hadn't been able to reason out on his own.

"I know, do you mind?"  He tilted his head so he could see his Father's reaction.

"No."  Luka offered a reassuring smile before continuing.  "I don't mind at all, where do you want me to start?"

"You had worked all night and Mama called you about five in the morning."  He stopped as his Father interrupted him with a soft laugh.

"You remember this as well as I do."  He allowed another laugh to bubble up before he took over the telling.  "You're right though, I was supposed to be off work at seven but Mama called me at five because she had started to have contractions."

"Which meant I was ready to be born."  Juraj added helpfully.

"Close, you were letting her know that you were coming."  Luka found himself easily recalling the memory as the story unfolded.

"Dr. Kovac...telephone, line 3."  Adrian, the newest receptionist placed the call on hold before calling to him as he rounded the corner.

"Be right there."  He finished the final notation on the chart in his hands before dropping it in the rack and entering the patient's status on the board.  "Let me know when psych decides to come talk to my patient in Curtain 2 could you?"  He made the request as he moved to the phone and hit the button to take the call.  "This is Dr. Kovac."

"Luka, it's Alenka...sorry to bother you at work, I thought it would wait until you came home...but I don't think I can wait another two hours."  Her breath caught as a contraction began.

"Alenka?"  At her gasp he felt a sense of panic move into him, erasing the activity around him and making her the only thing he was aware of.  "Alenka...talk to me..."  He found his own breathing becoming more rapid with the request.  "Tell me what's going on."

"I think I'm having contractions..."  She tried not to let her own fear reflect too strongly in her words.

"How long?"  Luka rubbed his head...all of his experience seeming to vanish.  "Did you call anyone?"

"Luka...slow down, I called you...and they started a few hours ago.  I thought they would wait until you got here but they're getting worse."  She interrupted herself with a groan as the pressure deepened."  I need to push..."

"Don't push...Alenka...don't push...I'll come home."

"You don't need to come home.  I'll call a cab and come there.  I'm sure there's time."  If she didn't hurt so much Alenka was sure she would have laughed as she sensed his nervousness through the phone

"Alenka."  He wanted to protest even though he realized the sense she was making.  By the time he got to her she could be here already.

"I'll be fine Luka.  I've been through this before, it's not that bad.  She offered the words of reassurance with a brief pang of sadness.

"I can't believe you are taking this so calmly."  When had he begun to pace with the phone?  Luka forced himself to stop as he released as breath then ran his hand nervously through his hair.  "You could call Father Joe for a ride."

"Luka...I am not calling Father Joe for a ride.  Besides, he has Mass at six...I can take a cab, I have plenty of time.  Now, unless you want me to have this baby here?"  She left the sentence unfinished, then laughed.  "I'll be fine...we'll be fine.  I'll see you soon, I love you."

He let whatever else he had planned to say drop with her words.  "I love you too.  Call me when the cab gets there so I know you're on your way."

"I will, try not to worry so much."

"You keep twisting that cord like that and you're going to snap it...are you all right?"  The sound of Susan Lewis' voice broke through the daze that still held him even after Alenka had hung up and sheepishly he dropped the cord and settled the receiver back into the cradle. 

"Yeah.  Well, maybe not..."  He swept his tongue around the inside of his mouth prompting Susan to walk closer to him.

"Luka, what's going on?" 

"Alenka...she thinks she's in labor...she's on her way in as soon as the cab gets there."  He glanced to the Ambulance Bay as if by looking there he could make the cab miraculously appear.

"No kidding, that's great."  Susan offered a smile before moving over to the board and erasing his name and placing hers on the attending line.

"What are you doing?  I'm on for at least another hour and a half." 

"No, you aren't."  She shook her head.  "Luka, your wife is in labor...you head is not going to be anywhere but on how she is doing.  Go get some coffee, you're going to need it."

"I don't want coffee."  He glanced at his watch.  "I should have gone after her." 

"Then go haunt the Ambulance Bay if it makes you feel better, I'm sure she'll be here as fast as she can."

Much to Susan's amusement Luke seemed to be doing that already...walking between the doors and the desk as if somehow that might help.  "I have to say, this shows me a side of you I've never seen before.  You need to relax though, she'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say."  He rubbed his hand across his face as he reached her again.

"But she got there okay."  Juraj's comment interrupted the memory and Luka smiled as he nodded. 

"Yes, if you ask Mama she'll tell you she was doing better then I was when she finally got to the hospital.  He couldn't help smiling at the comment knowing just how true it was.

"She was in labor a longtime."  Juraj stated the known fact helpfully to move the story along.

"Yes, about 14 hours with you.  I guess you weren't as ready to come out after all."

Juraj chuckled softly at the comment.  "Tell me about when you first saw me."  He made the request as he resettled himself then released a contented sigh when his Father's arms tightened around him in response.

"The very first time?'  Luka asked the question teasingly.

"Not with the picture...when I was born."  The boy glanced back at his Father, the game a familiar one between them.

"Oh...when you were born.  Hmmm," Luka rested his cheek against his son's hair again.  "You mean when you were all wrinkled and slimy."

"I wasn't wrinkled and slimy."  Juraj emphasized his disgreement with a light jab to his Father's thigh.

"I told the Doctor's to put you back and find my son."  A soft laugh broke with the teasing.

"You did not...Tata...tell it right."  Juraj turned so he could glare at his Father though he knew it was all in jest.

"You're right."  Luka laughed again, then let his fingers brush through the boy's long, dark locks as he turned around again.

Juraj twisted the wedding ring around his Father's finger as he waited for him to continue.

"Push Alenka." The Obstetrician coaxed the final effort from her patient as she watched the baby emerge.  "Almost there, I see his head."  She lifted her eyes.  "He's got a full head of black hair, the girls will be all over him."

"Like Neven..."  Alenka smiled to Luka, the joy radiating even through the bittersweet memory of the son she had lost, and the tears and pain of the birth.

"One more big push."  The Doctor interrupted before Luka could respond.

Luka found himself blinking back his own tears with the impact of the moment.  It was all coming true...he was becoming a Father again.  He leaned close to his wife as he hold on his hands tightened with her final cry of pain.  "I love you."  He brushed his lips across her forehead. At the cry of the baby he looked to him, his cheeks now wet with tears of joy.  "He's beautiful..."  The smile filled his face as he returned his eyes to Alenka then broadened as they returned to his son.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 16/44

Chapter 16

A companion story to Ghosts

As she watched Luka and Juraj from across the aisle, Alenka couldn't help wondering if they asked too much of their children.  They'd agonized over how much of their pasts to share with the children.  Spent far too many sleepless nights discussing what details to reveal and what things were left best unspoken.  In the end both she and Luka had decided to answer honestly when the questions came.  Even once the decision had been made though it never quite eased the guilt over their sharing a burden that at times proved too heavy for even their parents to carry.

She'd seen some of the effects that the truth created already...the way Juraj seemed older then his friends.  The seriousness that came over him when he thought no one was watching.  Then too, there were those nights when she had woke to find him standing in the doorway to their room, silently watching his parents as they slept.  Once caught he would confess that he thought by standing watch he might protect them from the nightmares that still came as memories of the past ventured too close..

With Maja it reflected differently, still too young to fully understand she sought the closeness, more so from her father but at times with whoever was closest.  With Luka it was as if she sensed when his thoughts were drifting to his past, and in those moments she was there, drawn to him like a moth to a flame.  There were moments when she thought she should feel jealousy at the bond that existed between them, but in truth it only re-enforced the closeness that they shared as a family She found a smile settling at the thought.  In a time when so many families were drifting away from each other they maintained a closeness few seemed to know.

Time would tell if either child would resent their parents for placing such a heavy burden on them at such young ages, but how could they not?  She and Luka could neither pretend their pasts didn't exist without denying those that had come before and been lost, something unimaginable to either.  The only thing then that remained was for them to share it, to answer the questions that would come with honesty, and to finally accept the consequences of what that knowledge would bring.

"Mama...can I color now?"  The small hand on her arm drew her out of her thoughts and Alenka found her concerns withdrawing.

"Of course, Beba."  Alenka leaned forward to pull her bag from under the seat and unzipped it before withdrawing several books as well as a new box of crayons.  "Are you done with the LEGOs?"

"Yeah.."  She scooped up those that remained on her tray and passed them to her mother before taking the offered books.  "Mama, how much longer before I can sit with Tata?  She asked the question after a quick glance across the aisle, that prompted Alenka to look as well.

"I think they're talking, maybe when they finish Juraj will be ready to move back over."  She lay the crayons on the tray after opening the box.  

"He's been sitting there a long time..."  She made the assessment even as she flipped through her book to find a clean page.

"Not as long as you were sitting with Tata earlier." She found her smile deepening as her daughter released an exasperated sigh before pulling a crayon from the box.

"Sleeping doesn't count."  Maja defended before dropping her eyes to her book as she began to color.

At the comment Alenka couldn't help laughing then covered her mouth to silence it as she was met by the small girl's glare in return.  "I'm sorry, Beba...maybe by lunch you can switch."  She leaned over to give her a light kiss with the apology before straightening and allowing her to focus on her coloring.

"You have beautiful children."  Alenka shifted her attention as the elderly woman to her right spoke.

"Thank you, I hope they haven't been too much of a bother to you." She turned enough so she could place her full attention on the woman as they talked.

"Not at all."  The woman chuckled softly as she answered.  "It's a long flight, I fly quite a bit, not much else to do at my age.  They've done better then most of the children I've been seated besides.  I have to say your boy seems very mature though, how old are they?"  

"Thank you."  She accepted the compliment on Juraj's behalf before answering the question.  Maja just turned 5."  She glanced to the girl a moment then looked back. "Juraj, our son, is ten."  

"I'd have guessed him at older then that."  The woman looked across the aisle at Luka and the boy.  "He looks like his Father."  

"Yes, he does."  She offered a proud smile with the agreement.

"You've been inthe states on vacation?  I am hearing an accent aren't I?  She allowed her curiosity to get the better of her before laying her knitting aside with the question.

Alenka smiled before answering "No, we live in Chicago, but my husband and I were both born in Croatia...we're taking our vacation there."

"I'm afraid I couldn't help but hear some of the conversation between the two children when you were sitting across the aisle."  She paused as if not sure whether she should continue.  "Your daughter seems a little concerned."

Alenka nodded.  "She is..."  She found herself flicking her eyes to Maja before saying anything else.  "My husband and I left not long after the war...this is my first time back and I think that probably has a lot to do with it."  It surprised her that she felt comfortable enough with the woman to reveal the information and when the woman only smiled in return she found herself relieved.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, I've been watching the way both of you are with them..they're very lucky."  She picked up her knitting again with the compliment.

"Thank you."  Alenka found herself blushing under the praise.  She was about to say more when she felt a light tug on her sleeve.

"Mama...look..."  Maja drew her attention to the picture she had been working on.

"Excuse me..."  She offered the apology and glanced to the book on the tray beside her.

"That's quite all right."  The woman went back to her knitting without a second thought leaving Alenka to her daughter.

"That's very good, Beba."  With the shift to Maja again it was easy to forget her earlier concerns...and as she listened to her daughter's animated chatter it wasn't long before they had faded completely.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 15/44

Chapter  15

A companion story to Ghosts

As he sat with Juraj, Luka realized how infrequent times such as these had become between them.  His son was growing up, and deep down inside of him he felt the fear he knew all parents must feel with that realization.  It had been hard to allow these two children the freedom that so many of their friends knew.  Hard not to feel the fear at what might happen each time they were away from their sight.

He could already feel Juraj becoming more restless under his hand and though the boy had not yet spoke he stilled his hand on his back.  "Do you want to move back to your own seat?"  He allowed him the option only to find himself surprised as his son shook his head.

"Not yet."  At his words he did turn again though, settling himself so his back once more rested against his father's chest.  "Tata?"  He started the question hesitantly, then paused as if uncertain about whether he should continue.

"Yes?"  Luka lowered his head so that his chin came to rest on the top of the boy's head.

"Did you and Mama always know you would have more kids?"  The quietness of his inquiry left no doubt to the seriousness of the subject.  "I mean...you waited a longtime and my friend Alek...his Mom is always telling him he was an accident..."  He let the rest of whatever he was thinking trail off at his father's soft intake of air, then waited nervously for him to speak.

Luka found himself initially at a loss for words, this certainly was not what he had expected from his son and of all the things he might have anticipated the last he could have imagined.  As he framed his response he folded his arms around his oldest child more securely then smiled as Juraj placed his hands on top.

"It wasn't an easy decision for Mama and I, but you weren't an accident.  Jasna and Marko were very young when I lost them...Neven was your age when Mama lost him."  He paused to draw a breath before continuing.  "We both knew we could never forget them...and we waited to make sure we wouldn't be having children thinking we could replace them.  That wouldn't have been fair to you or Maja."  He found a smile breaking at the memory of how Alenka had told him about her pregnancy...

He had worked a double shift on top of four, twelve hour night shifts and when he had finally fallen into bed Alenka was close to waking to begin her day.  "Rough shift?"  She asked the question drowsily as he settled beside her, draping an arm over her as he finally stilled.

"I'm getting too old for these long shifts."  He offered the complaint without bothering to open his eyes.

"You are not that old."  She lay a kiss on his forehead before laying back and letting her fingers brush through his hair.  "Luka?"  She found herself stopping before she had really even begun.

"Hmm?"  He released a soft sigh as his body slipped closer towards the sleep it was demanding, lulled by her touch.  Whether it was her silence or something deeper he found his need for sleep suddenly falling away and he raised his head as he opened his eyes.  "Alenka...what is it?  Has something happened?"  His immediate thought was that something was wrong..but that couldn't be...she would have called...he tried to read the expression on his wife's face only to fail.  "Alenka?"

"No...nothing has happened...well nothing bad.."  She wiped an approaching tear from her face then laughed nervously before she spoke again.  "Oh, Luka...I'm not sure how to do this."  She laughed again even as more tears began to wet her cheeks.

The mixture of tears and the nervous laughter left him more confused and Luka forced himself to sit..his eyes taking in her appearance carefully as he tried to make sense of what might be happening.  "Alenka...do what?  What are you trying to say?"

"I guess I should have realized sooner...but I was so young then."  She sniffed back still more tears as she took his hand in hers, lacing her fingers between his as she raised her eyes and allowed a smile to fully find her.  "I'm pregnant Luka...we're going to have a baby..."

His shock was quickly swallowed by a joy he had thought never to know again and in once move he pulled his wife to him...kissing her deeply before releasing her.  "Alenka, how?  When?  "I mean..."  He lost his questions in a confusion of thought and finally settled for simply kissing her again as she laughed in response.

"I can't believe you asked me that."  She let her own laughter mingle with his, sure now that this child would be as welcome to him as it was to her.

to be continued...