Time Heals All Wounds 14/44

Chapter  14

A companion story to Ghosts

As he returned to his seat Luka saw that Alenka had once more moved across the aisle and Juraj had replaced her in the seat next to his, an arrangement which still seemed to be suffering repercussions.

"I don't want to sit here...I want to sit with Tata!"  Maja's protests drifted to him and he couldn't help but notice the break that revealed accompanying tears.

"Maja...I said stop...I am warning you."  Alenka's voice carried an unspoken threat that the small girl couldn't help but notice as her mother tried to silence her.

"But I don't want to stay here...I want to sit with Tata!"  She forced the words out between the hiccups brought on by her crying, not quite ready to concede despite the possible consequences.

"Maja.  Mama said enough."  Luka reinforced his wife's warning as he reached them, then offered a smile meant to comfort in concession.  "Sit with Mama now, you can switch with Juraj later."

"I don't want to wait until later.  I want to sit with you now!"  She lifted her tear streaked face to him, her dark eyes settling on his, unable to restrain the trembling of her lip as she choked back tears. 

As he met her gaze Luka leaned down so his head was almost touching hers before shifting his words to Croatian.  "You have been told twice, you know better then this, don't make me tell you again."  When she sniffed and dropped her eyes he lay a hand on her hair.  "You'll have plenty of time to sit with me, but now it's Juraj's turn, be a good girl and sit with Mama."  He withdrew his hand as she still refused to lift her eyes to him.  "Maja?"  He waited for the dark head to raise, when it did he leaned back down to kiss her, his words remaining in Croatian as he spoke softly for her ears alone.  "I love you, Beba."

"I love you too, Tata."  That she returned the words in Croatian even amidst the sniffing back of lingering tears touched at old memories and he could almost hear another's voice shadowing them.  As he straightened he offered Alenka a smile that only deepened before he shook his head at her mouthed, "Tata's girl."

"If you want the window seat go ahead and scoot over."  The words came as he turned around and the smile remained as he waited for his son to do just that. Taking his seat beside him, Luka stretched one leg into the aisle as he sat then handed his shaving kit over to him.  "Would you put this in my bag, please?"  As he waited for him to finish he shifted his attention back across the aisle, assuring himself that things were settled down once more before looking back at his son.  "Thanks for watching Maja earlier so Mama and I could sit together."

"That's okay, it wasn't a big deal."  Juraj shrugged off his father's words almost too quickly.

"How are you doing with all this?"  Luka found himself asking the question almost as he finished, sensing more to it then his words might imply.

"Maja thinks we'll stay in Croatia, I told her she was wrong."  He shifted slightly in his seat as he avoided the direct question.

"I heard that, she's little, it makes sense it would scare her, but you didn't answer my question.  How do you feel about our going back?"  Luka couldn't not notice the seriousness that the boy's face took on as he debated his response.

"The war's been over a long time."  He selected his words carefully.

"Yes, it has."  Luka matched the quieter tone his son had adopted as he responded.

"You still miss them though, and Croatia."  Juraj offered the observation as he brought his eyes to those of his father's.

"Yes, I still do, and I probably always will."  Luka found himself struggling to keep the emotion in his voice under control as he answered, and action made only harder as Juraj slipped his hand into his.  "Juraj...what is it?"

"Tata...will the nightmares come again when we get there?"  His voice had grown even quieter as he voiced the deeper of his fears.

The question was one that Luka could not have anticipated and it caught him off guard.  Dropping his eyes he found himself drawing a deep breath before rolling his tongue around the inside of his lips in preparation of answering.  "I can't say for sure...I hope not."  He raised his eyes again as he spoke, then patted his leg with his free hand.  "Come sit with me."  He made the request quietly then shifted to accommodate the boy as he unfastened his seatbelt and moved over.  "Juraj."  Luka found himself pausing, not sure how to proceed.  "The things that I see in the nightmares..the things Mama sees, they aren't things you or Maja have to worry about."

At his father's words Juraj leaned back against his chest, needing the physical comfort more then he was ready to admit, as he began to speak Luka slid his arms around him, resting his cheek against his hair.  "I remember when they were bad...before Maja was born.  I would hear Mama crying...or sometimes I'd hear you before you would wake up.  It scared me, Tata...but more because you would both tell me that nothing was wrong and that I should just go back to bed."  He paused a moment to wet his lips before continuing, laying his hands over his father's.  "I kept waiting for whatever it was to come to me in my dreams too."

"I'm sorry, Beba."  Luka kissed the boy's hair softly with the apology.  "We were wrong to try and hide it from you, but we wanted to protect you from it and we didn't think you would understand."

"Will we go to the places in the dreams?  He couldn't help but feel the unexpected tenseness of his father at the question.

"I'm not sure...we'll go to the graves though."  Luka lifted a hand to wipe his eyes then slid it around his son again.

"So you can say good-bye to them all?"  Juraj found himself turning so that he could slip his arms around his father before resting his head on his chest as he asked the question quietly.

"Yes...so we can say good-bye." Luka rested his cheek against his son's hair as he answered.  Realization dawning in that moment, that the boy had make the connection to the importance of the trip that they had never shared.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 13/44

Chapter  13

A companion story to Ghosts

With the length of the flight it was easy for most people to escape the monotony of it through sleep, or reading, or in the case of children, far simpler pursuits.  Maja paused in her play, her dark eyes shifting to view her parents before returning to her brother.  "Mama and Tata are sleeping."  

Raising his eyes from his own LEGOs, Juraj glanced across the aisle to confirm her words before replying.  "Yeah."

"Tata says we won't have to stay in Croatia..."  She dropped her gaze to two of the smaller pieces on her tray as she fiddled with them, her words holding the tone of a question she searched for an answer to.

"Of course we wouldn't stay..why would you think we would?"  As he spoke, then took in his smaller sister's appearance and obvious worry his interest on the blocks in front of him ceased, and he shifted his full attention to her.

"Maybe Mama and Tata won't want to leave again...maybe they'll want to stay there with Neven, and Jasna and Marko."  Her lip trembled slightly with the imagined fear.

"Maja, they aren't going to stay."  He eased the tone of his voice before continuing in an attempt to stop the tears he thought might be coming.  "The reason they wanted us to go back was so they could say good-bye, not to stay...Mama and Tata both told you that."  He locked his equally dark eyes on hers firmly as she lifted her head at his words.  He gave her a moment to absorb what he had said before pointing to the toys on her tray in an attempt to distract her from the concerns that he knew were beyond his handling.  "What is that supposed to be?"

Wiping her hand across her nose Maja ignored the attempt, the doubts still too strong to let go.  "But what if we don't?"

"You worry too much.  If Mama and Tata said we were coming home then we're coming home, they wouldn't lie to you."  He scooped up several of the choice LEGOs off his tray and deposited them among those she already had.  "Here, you can use these too."

"Juraj..."  She started to speak only to stop as he handed her a figure on a horse.

"Everything will be all right Maja, you'll see.  Now, build a house for the horse."  As if that settled all her concerns he grew silent, only turning back to his play when he was satisfied that she'd once more become absorbed in her own.

As the children's conversation carried across the aisle Luka cracked an eye open drowsily.  Years of working emergency medicine had left him with the ability to exist at times with a half sleep, catching it wherever and whenever he found it and sleeping lightly when he did.  As Juraj seemed to quell his sister's fears a half smile found him.  There were times the boy seemed much older then his years, wiser then many twice his age.  There were times too, he couldn't help wondering if that had come from the fact that both he and Alenka had been too honest with their children regarding their pasts.  If the fact that they had chosen to share the losses of those who'd come before hadn't been more of a burden on them then they should have been forced to carry at their ages.  The decision had never been an easy one, but the truth was undeniable, both he and Alenka would be forever bound to the spouses and children that they'd lost before finding each other.  No matter how much time passed, the memories would remain and they owed it to these children to share the lives neither of their parents would ever forget.

Dropping his hand to his wife's he found himself toying with her wedding ring in much the same way she had earlier fingered his.  She had been his anchor, holding him steady after far too many years of floating adrift, and as he watched her sleep he found his thoughts easily returning to their past.

He would always remember the stages of wakefulness that first morning, as if he was coming out of a far deeper slumber.  The smell of her perfume was his first awareness, seeming to call to him even in his sleep and he found himself drifting upwards to it.  The sound of running water, the quiet clinking of dishes, the rustle of a newspaper, the soft lilt of her voice as she hummed to herself.  At first he resisted, afraid it was simply another dream and he would wake once more to the loneliness he had grown to know too well.  He clung to the sleep, rolling to his side before drawing the blanket over his head to counter the sunlight's intrusion.  The scent of fresh brewed coffee and the sound of the toaster teased at him and as his stomach rumbled in response he gave up.  

As he sat he rubbed his hand over eyes still captive to the drowsiness of interrupted sleep.

"Good morning, I didn't mean to wake you."  Alenka's voice drifted to him from the kitchen a moment before she appeared with a steaming cup of coffee.  

"You didn't."  He turned on the couch, then dropped his feet to the floor to make room for her beside him before raking his fingers through his hair.  "What time is it?"  The question came only seconds before he smothered a betraying yawn.  "I'm sorry."  He offered the apology as he took the cup from her.

"You don't have to apologize Luka, and it's almost seven."  She smiled as she took a seat beside him, letting her own cup warm her hands.

"I don't suppose you would consider calling in sick."  He asked the question even as he leaned towards her to give her a good morning kiss.

"Keep that up and I'll be tempted."  She laughed lightly before returning it.

"That could be arranged."  He sat his cup on the table then freed hers from her hands before doing the same with it so that he could draw her into his arms.

"Is this what I can expect from you every morning?"  Her words were almost lost to a deepening kiss and she let her hand trail down his bare back as she returned it.

"That remains to be seen...but you won't find me complaining."  He drew back, letting his eyes pass over her a moment before speaking again.  "No second thoughts?  It's not too late to change your mind."  Even as he offered her the option of walking away from her acceptance he found his breath catching with the fear that she might take him up on it.

"Luka.."  Alenka shook her head, almost not believing what she was hearing.  "I've wanted this for months now, I was just afraid to say anything because I didn't want to spoil what we already had."  She found herself unable to resist the urge to run her fingers through his sleep tousled hair as she spoke.  It was all she could do not to add that she longed to have him in her bed, to fall asleep in his arms, to wake next to him.  She offered a shy smile, sure that a blush was rising with the direction her thoughts were moving.  "I should be going or I'll be late for work...will I see you tonight?"  She let her hand drop before her smile deepened in response to his answering nod.

"I have to work until eleven though, if that's too late..."  He paused as an unexpected yawn broke.

"It's not too late, I want to see you."  She leaned over to kiss him as he dropped his hand, then rose.  "I had better go now or I'm going to miss my train."

"I could drive you."  Luka rose as she did, reaching for the shirt he had draped across the chair the night before.

"You don't have to, the stop isn't that far...besides, you should get some more sleep."

"I can sleep later, at least let me walk you to the stop."  He was already pulling his shirt on and rather then argue Alenka simply nodded.

"If you insist..."

At the casualness of the memory Luka found the peace filling him that for so many years had been missing.  This was what she had brought him and even after all the years they had been married he still found comfort in it.  He looped a strand of her hair between his fingers as he held her.  Would he ever tire of just being close to her?

He found his attention shifting across the aisle again as he heard Maja's giggle in response to something Juraj was saying.  Would there ever be a time when he could fully explain to her what it had meant to him to become a father again?

As if sensing the direction of his thoughts Alenka woke, then tilted her head so she could see him as she offered a still drowsy smile.  

"I didn't mean to wake you."  He lowered his lips to hers, as he curled his fingers in her hair, letting the kiss linger a moment before drawing back.

"You didn't, did you sleep?" She found herself searching his face for the lines she knew would be there if the nightmares had come to visit him even as she asked.

"Yes, and you worry about me too much."  He offered her a slight smile with the quiet comment before lowering his hand as he draped his arm around her shoulder again.

"No more then you worry about me. "She lifted her own hand to touch his cheek as her smile deepened.  "You need to shave."  She wrinkled her nose slightly with the observation.

"Do I now?"  Luka turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand before withdrawing his arm and rolling his shoulders.  "I suppose it wouldn't hurt me to get up and stretch before they start serving lunch anyway."  He straightened, then leaned down to pull his carryon out from under the seat, when he had unzipped it and retrieved his shaving kit he pushed it back.  "I won't be long."  He leaned his head to kiss her again before he stood.

"I'llbe here."  Alenka couldn't help smiling as he had to duck to clear the luggage bin, then found it deepening as she caught at least three other woman pulling their gazes to him as he stepped into the aisle.

"Where are you going, Tata?"  Maja wasted no time shifting her attention as she caught him moving.

"Just to the bathroom, I'll be back."  Luka leaned down to kiss the top of her head before straightening again. "Be good, Beba."

"I am...see?"  She motioned to the LEGOs as if they could answer, then allowed her attention to once more be drawn into them.

With a soft chuckle he shook his head at her then offered Juraj a smile of his own before walking towards the back of the plane.

Alenka found herself watching him as he moved down the aisle, aware still of the attention his height and dark looks drew.  She couldn't help wondering sometimes if he was even aware of the way others saw him, then again, she knew too, that how others saw him left her nothing to worry about. From the day he had proposed to her it had been as if the world existed for only the two of them.  In that moment it was as if the lives they had thought long over were reawakened and his loyalty to her and his vows were as sacred to him as hers were to herself, and even after so many years she had never had reason to doubt him.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 12/44

Chapter  12

A companion story to Ghosts

As Luka ate, Alenka kept the conversation light, filling the time with stories of work and her day.  As she watched him though the feeling that had registered in his earlier call returned, and try as she might, she couldn't quite put her finger on what about him was different.  The quiet intensity that came in brief glimpses when he spoke of his work was there, as was his sense of humor, but there was something else.  When he sopped the remainder of his soup up with his bread then popped it in his mouth before leaning back with an exaggerated groan, she couldn't help but laugh.

"You did not eat that much."  She reached for his cup then picked up the pot to refill it.

"No, I managed to save a little room for dessert."  He returned her smile with one of his own.

"And what makes you think I have any dessert for you?"  She sat the coffeecup in front of him with a lingering look before picking up her own.

"Because...you always have dessert. It's part of your plan to make me fat."  The dimples in his cheeks deepened with the teasing.

"Would you stop saying you're getting fat because of my cooking?"  She laughed lightly, her words holding no anger.

"So...what do you have?"  He had already rose and headed for the kitchen as he finished the question.

"You are in a strange mood tonight Dr. Kovac."  Alenka found herself watching him in amusement as he opened first the refrigerator, then the cookie jar.

"Ah ha...see, I knew you wouldn't disappoint me."  He returned to the table with several fresh Oatmeal cookies in hand, already savoring a bite off one of them.

Shaking her head Alenka couldn't help but laugh again at the image.   "You're like a little kid, you know that don't you?"  Rising she picked up both of their cups.   "Let's go into the livingroom where we can be more comfortable.

"I could carry those."  Even as he made the offer Luka was taking another bite off the cookie in his hand.

"I've got them...go ahead."  Once in the livingroom Alenka sat both cups on the coffeetable.  As she settled on the couch she once more found her eyes sweeping over him.   "Are you going to let me in on what's going on now?"  She raised an eyebrow as his face revealed the momentary lookof a child having been caught in the act of doing something he shouldn't have been doing at her question.

"Um..."  Luka glanced at the remaining cookies in his hand then passed his tongue around the inside of his mouth in the gesture she'd come to recognize as one he used to frame his thoughts.

"Luka?"  She watched him carefully, not sure what was coming and not quite able to hold back the twinge of fear at the thought of the worst it could be.

As if realizing what his delay was doing to her he moved immediately to the couch, taking a seat beside her before laying the cookies on the table.  Turning to her he drew a breath in preparation of speaking.   "Alenka..."  He hesitated a moment longer then reached across the distance that separated them to take her hand in his.   "I didn't think this would be so hard."  He offered a smile with the comment, then dropped his eyes before raising them again.

"Luka."  Alenka could feel the sense of dread rising.   "You're scaring me...what is it?"

As he slid his free hand in his pants pocket Alenka found herself unable to take her eyes off of him.  When he revealed what he held she would swear her heart stopped beating for an instant.

"Alenka..I can't begin to explain what this past year has meant to me...what knowing you has meant to me."  He paused to open the lid on the small ringbox he held in his hand, then slid off the couch to drop to his knee in front of her.  As he lifted his eyes she saw a look there she had thought never to see again.   "I don't ever want to lose this feeling, I don't ever want to lose you.  I love you, Alenka."  He blinked back tears with the long withheld admission.   "Would you marry me?"

Alenka found her own tears not so easily restrained and in that brief instant of silence when she was sure his breathing had stopped, hers fell.   "Yes..."  She covered her mouth with her hand, only to lower it as he stood then drew her into his arms.  All that she'd been feeling he shared.  As his arms tightened around her and his lips found hers all the doubts were gone.   "I love you, Luka."  She whispered the words between kisses, her tears wetting her cheeks as the warmth of his love filled not just the heart she had thought would never know the feeling again,  but her soul as well.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 11/44

Chapter 11/44

A companion story to Ghosts

Maybe it was a testament to how far their relationship had come, but as she realized no more words were needed Alenka settled easily against Luka.  Moments where they could just enjoy each other's company were moments to be savored.  Like an expensive jewel, or a fine glass of wine she cherished each as if it were the first such one.

Was it possible that they had only been together for 15 years?  She brushed her fingers through Luka's hair as he moved closer, leaning his head against hers as he allowed the hum of the plane's engines to draw him back down into sleep.  She found herself smiling faintly as she watched him, knowing the love she felt for him at that moment was as strong as it ever had been.

A giggle from Maja across the aisle assured her that the children were content and with that concern laid to rest she gave herself back to the luxury of simply enjoying Luka's relaxed closeness.  He'd made no attempt to withdraw his hand when he'd changed position and Alenka found herself toying with the simple gold band on his finger as she listened to his quiet breathing.  It was times like these she'd missed in the years she'd mourned Damir's loss.

As Maja's giggle was met by the deeper chortle of Juraj she let her attention shift to the children for a moment.  All those years she had dreaded the sound, finding not joy but pain in their laughter.  All the years she'd thought never to once more know the feeling of holding her own child to her breast.  All the years she'd thought never to hear someone call her Mama.  As she watch the two she couldn't help but feel the surge of love that connected them all together, would they ever fully understand the gift their birth's had been for she and Luka?

She returned her attention to her husband as he turned in his seat again, looking for some way to fit his lanky frame in the small space allotted to him.  When he finally came to rest he was almost facing her, and she could see his breathing slow even more as he sank even deeper into the sleep he had deprived himself of over the last several days.  Could she ever have imagined knowing such love for someone not once, but twice in her life?  She lifted a hand to smooth the stray hair off his face then let it drop again with a contented sigh as her eyes fell once more to his wedding band.

It had been one of those days that seemed never-ending, and as a last minute phone call delayed her departure just enough to make her miss her train, she had to wonder if it could get any worse.  It did, within five minutes of her stop the weather turned from cold and windy, to cold, windy, and wet.  By the time she had made it home and had the door unlocked, she was soaked and frozen, and wanted nothing more then a hot bath before curling up under a blanket with the book she had been reading and a hot cup of coffee.

Even before she had turned the light on or shed her coat she saw the blinking light on the answering machine, as she hit play, then heard the voice she felt the almost instantaneous lightening of her mood.

"Alenka, it's Luka...I guess you must still be at work.  Um...I'm on duty until eight, I'd like to see you after if you're not busy.  I'm sorry I missed you, give me a call when you get this."

She found herself smiling as she listened, his voice registering his disappointment at getting the machine then his expectation at her return call.  There was something else though in the message, something not said, and as she played it a second time it still eluded her.

Picking up the phone she dialed the hospital, then removed her coat as she waited for someone to answer.  "May I speak with Dr. Kovac please?"  She shook the water from her coat, then hung it as she spoke.  "Yes, Alenka Ostovic...no, Ostovic."  She smiled with the correction on the pronunciation of her name before spelling it.  "I'm returning his call...no, that's quite all right, I understand, I can wait."  While waiting for Luka to pick up she walked into the kitchen and busied herself with starting the coffee to brew.

"Hi, yourself."  She pulled a cup from the cabinet before turning to lean against the counter as she listened to the sound of his voice.  "Not really, I was just going to take a bath and read."  He face flushed at his comment, "Luka."  She laughed softly before answering.  "I'd love to see you, and no, nine isn't too late...I'll see you when you get here."  She held the phone to her ear for several more moments after the click signaled his return to work as if that might somehow prolong it.  As she finally set the receiver back into the cradle she couldn't help but compare her reactions to Luka with those she'd had to her husband.  Was it too much to hope for?  She drew a deep breath in an attempt to release the thought.  He was simply a friend, his loyalty to his wife still as strong as the one she held for Damir.

The thought lingered through her bath and still later as she fixed dinner, he was sure to be hungry when he got here, she told herself as she fixed twice what she normally would.  How many times had she listened to the women at work complain about cooking for their husbands...for their families only to want to scream at them how lucky they were?  She lowered the heat on the soup simmering on the stove as she was met with the truth of the feelings such a natural act stirred in her.  She wanted to cook for him...and the truth was that she had begun to know she wanted to be there for him in other ways as well.  If only she could rid herself of the fear that wrapped itself around those truths.  No, she had to keep those feelings to herself, she couldn't risk what existed between them now over something he might not even feel in return.

When the doorbell rang she reached for a dishtowel and as she dried her hands she moved to answer it.  "Hi."  She moved easily into his arms, returning his kiss before drawing back with a soft laugh.  "You are wet."

"It's raining."  His cheeks dimpled as he returned her smile then moved fully into the apartment as she stepped aside to let him in.

"Let me take your coat."  She closed the door behind him then took the topcoat as he handed it over.  "I hope you're hungry, I left some soup on the stove for you."

His smile deepened in that moment before he answered.  "You should know by now that I can't refuse your cooking...even if it is making me fat."

"You are not getting fat."  She laughed at the comment before shooing him towards the table.  "Go sit down and let me put some in a bowl for you."  As she headed for the kitchen she called back to him over her shoulder.  "Luka, coffee or beer with that?"

"If I take beer I'll be asleep on the couch within the hour, if I didn't fall asleep right here at the table before that, better make it coffee."  He moved over to the table and took a seat as he answered....

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 10/44

Chapter  10

A companion story to Ghosts

"Tata's awake."  Juraj nudged his mother, drawing her attention from the book she was reading.  As she looked over she saw Luka's attempt to straighten and loosen the kinks brought on by the cramped space, being thwarted by Maja and how she lay and his efforts not to wake her.

"Juraj, could you watch Maja for me so I can sit with Tata for a while?"  As she asked Alenka leaned forward and tucked her book back into her bag.

"Sure, Mama."  He flicked his eyes off of the LEGOs he had scattered across his seat tray.  "She can play with me."

With a smile Alenka unfastened her seatbelt and rose, then moved across the aisle.  "Sleep well?"  She eased the small girl off of Luka with the question.

"Not too bad, how about you?"  With the new freedom he couldn't help stretching fully, raising both arms over his head so he could free the knots from his back.

"I want to stay with Tata."  Maja woke as she was transferred to her mother's shoulder, offering the protest even as she made no struggle to change her situation.

"Why don't you play with Juraj, and let Mama sit with Tata for a while?"  She held her a moment, then as the girl nodded, carried her to the seat beside her brother.

"Here, Maja, you can have these."  Juraj pulled her tray down as his little sister was buckled into the seat, then piled some of his LEGOs on it before going back to his own building.

When she was assured Maja was settled Alenka moved back to the seat beside her husband.  "Do you want to get up and walk around a bit?"  She asked the question as she sat, then reached across to brush her fingers through his hair.

"No, I'm fine."  As she dropped her hand Luka laced his fingers with hers.  "How are you doing?"  He let his eyes settle on her face, looking for the signs that she might be worried or nervous.

"Was it like this for you the first time you went back?"  She asked the question quietly, the conversation meant for no one but him.

That Luka did not immediately answer was a signal to the seriousness of her question and as she waited Alenka covered both of their hands with her free one, giving him the time he needed.  That he rolled his tongue inside his lips then wet them before speaking was a habit she'd grown used to seeing when he was contemplating more serious issues. When he shifted the conversation to Croatian it only emphasized the fact.

"The first time I went back was about 6 years after I'd left...my father had asked me to come back for Christmas."  He rubbed his fingertips in the corner of his eye as he spoke.  "I really didn't want to go back, but I had no way of knowing if I would see him again so for him I went for him."

Alenka remained silent as he spoke, recognizing the distancing in his eyes as he remembered.  Though as a way of keeping him grounded to her she found herself brushing her finger over his.

"It wasn't easy, I didn't have my faith then..."  He dropped the volume of his voice even more with the admission.  "I really didn't have anyone then I could talk about my fears with...or anyone who understood what it was like for me."  He cleared his throat before continuing.  "The week before my flight I was a wreck, I couldn't eat, I wasn't sleeping much at all and when I did the nightmares were there."

Alenka found herself leaning against him without even being aware of it the longer he spoke.  In the years they had been together she had learned the signals that meant his thoughts had returned to Danijela and their children, as well as he had learned hers.  She felt no jealousy to the woman who'd held his heart before she had, just as she knew he held none to the love she still kept for Damir.

"I kept thinking I should just cancel..but I'd promised my father."  He glanced over to her with a slight smile.  "Once I got there it was so different...and of course he treated me like I was a piece of glass that would break, watching everything he said."

"I wish the children had been able to meet him."  Alenka easily returned his smile with the comment, sliding easily into their native language as well.

"So do I...but I have to believe he still watches over them, even if he isn't here anymore." He rubbed his eye again before continuing.  "I didn't want to go back to Vukovar then...I think in a way it was still too soon, but he convinced me it was for the best.  I won't lie to your Alenka, it won't be easy, but I'll be with you."  As he finished speaking he lifted his hand to cradle her face before he kissed her lightly.  "I love you."

As she slid her hand around his neck to return his kiss Alenka knew that his words were far more then that, he was her lifeline...as she knew she had been his.  It was hard sometimes to think what her life might have been like without him, and she'd long ago stopped thinking of herself without him being part of who she was.  "I love you too."  She returned the kiss then settled against him comfortably as he draped his arm around her.  "We'll get through this, just like we have everything else...but this time we'll do it together."

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 9/44

Chapter  9

A companion story to Ghosts

Maybe it was the lingering threads from his conversation with his daughter, maybe trepidation of their return as a family to Croatia, but whatever the reason, Luka found a return to sleep eluding him.  The cabin of the plane was quiet, and with the lights dimmed most of those aboard had slipped easily into sleep.  He let his eyes settle on Alenka, then smiled as he saw she held Juraj as they both slept.  Could he ever have imagined knowing this feeling of loving someone as much as he did her?  All those years he had clung to the memories of his life with Danijela.  All those years he'd denied himself anything but feelings of grief and loneliness.  Yes, he had tried to rekindle the feelings of love, first with Carol, then later with Abby.  All the while knowing that he couldn't shake off the sense that he was somehow betraying his vows to Danijela when he was with them.  What had made it different with Alenka?

With a sigh he shifted slightly, his hand still moving slowly over his daughter's back.  Was it possible that the fact she shared those same feelings in regard to her first husband were what had made the difference?  The knowledge that he didn't have to explain to her the feelings he still held for a woman long dead strengthening instead of weakening their connection.  He released another breath as he gave into the call for sleep, his hand coming to a rest as his eyes closed.

They were going to be late, he was sure of it.  As he circled the drive for the third time Luka found a whispered prayer coming to him.  When he next rounded the corner it was easy to convince himself that the suddenly vacant space was due to a higher power's intervention.

The blast of cold air as he climbed out of the car was enough to take his breath away, and he quickly buttoned his coat to counter it.  When he reached across the seat to pull the wrapped box from the passenger side he found it hard to resist glancing at his watch.  Fifteen minutes until the Mass was scheduled to begin, he slammed the door then started for the porch, the as yet unshoveled snow crunching under his feet.

Shifting the box to one hand he rang the bell, as he waited for Alenka to answer, he found it hard not to make comparisons to Christmas Eves past.  All those years he'd used work as an escape so he wouldn't have time to remember what he was convinced he would never again know.

"Luka."  He let the thoughts drop as the door opened and Alenka greeted him.

"You look beautiful." He returned her smile, letting it broaden slightly as she ducked her head at the compliment.  "I'm sorry I'm late."  He stepped inside as she opened the door fully, sitting her present on the table just inside it before moving to kiss her.

As she returned his kiss she lay her hand on his cheek.  "You're like ice, and we're going to be late, but I still want to give you your present before we go." 

"It's freezing out there."  He followed her with his eyes as she walked across the room and picked up the small wrapped package from the coffeetable, then carried it back.

"I hope you like it."  She smiled deeply as she handed it to him.

"Alenka."  He shook his head lightly before leaning over to kiss her, then straightened and began to unwrap it.  As he tore the paper loose then balled it in his hand so he could open the lid his breath caught.  "Alenka...I don't know what to say..."  He lay the paper and lid in her outstretched hand before lifting the crucifix out of the box, the significance of it not lost on him. "Thank you."  He leaned over to kiss her again with the words.

"You're welcome...can I put it on you?" She extended her hand to take it from him at the question.

"Please." As he gave his consent he turned to allow her to slip the now unfastened chain around his neck.

"We should probably go, Father Joe will have a fit if we come in late."  She let her hand linger a moment before drawing it away, then walked past him to pick up her coat.

The feeling that was with him in that moment remained with him through the service, and was one he had thought never to know again.  All the years he'd thought betrayed by his God, all the years he'd spent alone.  As they listened to the sermon he glanced over to Alenka and in response she squeezed his hand, the look she exchanged saying what her words could not.  Was it possible that all he had been through was in preparation of his finding her? 

He closed his eyes, the silent question asked as if he might somehow receive an answer on this of all nights.  No one had touched him the way Alenka did, not since Danijela, and in that moment he wondered ifin fact the gift of her wasn't the sign he had been looking for.

He let a smile deepen on his face as she leaned against his shoulder, seeming to sense his need for closeness.  For the first time since Danijela had been taken from him the ache of her loss seemed to be missing, and perhaps that was the greatest of all the gifts she could give him.

to be continued...

Time Heals All Wounds 8/44

Chapter 8

A companion story to Ghosts

With the approach of Christmas, Luka's schedule had tightened dramatically and without realizing it Alenka found herself counting the minutes until she saw him again like an anxious schoolgirl.  It had seemed since the moment of his kiss their relationship had only grown stronger.  As she dressed for Midnight Mass she couldn't help feeling how fitting it seemed that they would share the faith that had brought them together on this of all nights.

As she adjusted the collar on the forest green dress she'd chosen to wear, she marveled at the fact that she found so little of the sadness that had dominated the holidays in years past.  How was it possible that one man could erase almost ten years of loneliness?  Picking up the jeweled barrette from the dresser top she pulled her hair back off her face and clipped it.

How long had it been since she had worried about how others saw her?  How long since she had dressed with someone else in mind?  She smiled at her reflection with the thought, then picked up the small white box that lay next to where the barrette had been.

It hadn't been easy to decide what she would give Luka for their first Christmas together.  She'd found herself worrying over it for weeks, quickly disregarding the obvious of food and clothing.  How many stores had she walked through hoping that something would catch her eye as being just right?  She'd passed over the unlimited number of knickknacks, browsed far too many books, wavered briefly when his cologne had drawn her to it, then passed on that as well.  No, she'd always known it would have to be something that would mean as much to her as it did to him, and her search had continued.

Removing the lid she caught the gold chain with her fingers and lifted the antique crucifix from the small box.  She hadn't planned to go into the cluttered junk shop the day she had found it, but as she walked from the El, something in the packed window had drawn her attention and in curiosity she had entered.  The elderly woman inside greeted her as if she were a long lost friend, and the store seemed to radiate the warmth of her Grandmother's kitchen on a cold winter's day.  It was there she had found it, hidden, almost buried in a small wooden showcase that held trinkets of so many other's pasts. 

That their faith bound them together as strongly as their shared pasts was something neither she nor Luka could deny.  The fact that he had only rediscovered his such a dramatic contrast to the way she had clung to hers to keep her from drowning in the years before she had found him.  What better gift then one which would remind him of that which had brought them together?

She lay the necklace back in the box as he glance fell on the clock on the dresser.  Luka's shift was scheduled to end at eleven, with the commute he would pick her up in twenty minutes, time enough to wrap the gift so she could give it to him before Mass.

The plane was dark as Maja woke and in that moment of confusion she knew what she wanted.  Sitting up she rubbed the remaining sleep from her eyes, her lip trembling slightly as she unbuckled her belt and crawled across the seat to where her father slept. 

"Tata?" She touched him tentatively, her voice quiet, a habit born out of experience.  "Tata?"  She repeated his name even as he came awake, her eyes finding his in the dim light.

"What's the matter, Beba?"  He turned to allow her room to settle on his lap, then folded his arms around her as he lay a kiss on her hair.

"I don't want to sit alone."  She lay her head on his shoulder as she slid her arms around him, her actions saying what words had yet to say.

"Did you have a bad dream?"  He asked the question quietly as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"No..."  The hesitation in her voice caused him to move his hand to her hair.

"Maja...what is it?"  Without thought the last vestiges of sleep fell away as his concern for his daughter overrode them.

When she spoke finally her voice held a hesitancy to it.  "You won't leave me in Croatia like you had to leave Jasna and Marko..and Mama left Neven..will you?"

Her words hit him with the force of a semi and Luka immediately tightened his hold on the small girl, burying his face against her.  "Beba...no...nothing is going to happen to you."  How could he have thought someone so young could fully understand?

"Maja...what happened to Jasna and Marko..what happened to Neven..."  He drew a breath to calm himself as he struggled for the words to continue.  "There was a war going on, but that's been over for a long time."  He went back to rubbing her back as he attempted to ease her fears.  "Beba...Mama and I will keep you safe, just as we always have.  I promise you. " He couldn't stop the catch that broke his voice as he uttered the vow, the knowledge that he had failed in the same promise before still with him after so many years.  It's not the same.  He forced the thought to override the memory as he lay his cheek to his daughter's hair.  "Tata will keep you safe, Beba." 

He grew quiet as his daughter toyed with the chain of the crucifix he wore around his neck, giving her time to absorb his words.  When her hand stilled and her breathing slowed to signal a return to sleep, he knew the crisis had passed, her fears had been eased...at least for now....

to be continued...